I HAVE A FALCON PUNCH. YOUR ROCKET LAUNCHER IS INVALID!!

Just when you thought your rocket launcher gave you the edge over all others, Captain Falcon appears to put you in your place. Mess with the Falcon and you get the punch!
By Oliver R.

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Posted by Shawn Handyside on September 25, 2010 · 10:49 AM 
FAILLAMENOT BADPRETTY GOODAWESOME (203 votes, average: 2.56 out of 5)
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Categories:
F-Zero, FALCON PAAAANCH, Fists of Fury, Heavy Weapons, Konami, Metal Gear Solid, Nintendo, Special Attacks, Super Smash Bros, Things Are Heating Up, Wii

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57 Responses to “I HAVE A FALCON PUNCH”

  1. Flamerider on September 25th, 2010 10:54 am

    Looks like you just got…
    *sunglasses*
    Burned!

  2. Vlauer on September 25th, 2010 10:57 am

    He has a Falcon Punch

    Our God is invalid

  3. BurnoutSpartan on September 25th, 2010 11:00 am

    Our sense of safety and concept of all things in the universe are invalid.

  4. AubviusTroll on September 25th, 2010 11:08 am

    Meet the Captain!
    What makes me a good Cptn Falcon? If I was a bad Cptn Falcon I wouldn't be here punching your rockets, now would I?!

  5. dvv402 on September 25th, 2010 11:09 am

    So Falcon Punches now deflect rockets? What else can they do?

  6. BurnoutSpartan on September 25th, 2010 11:31 am

    Cure cancer (by completely destroying the cancer AND it host)
    Roast an entire barbecue in .03 seconds (Tastes delicious)
    Create a rip in the space-time continuum

  7. PewnyPL on September 25th, 2010 11:31 am

    Each and everyone of our arguments are invalid

  8. MrRaccoon on September 25th, 2010 11:51 am

    Alternate caption:
    Snake- Damn, my zipper got stuck again
    Falcon- I FIX!

  9. Alpar on September 25th, 2010 12:55 pm

    Safety was valid to begin with?

  10. Alpar on September 25th, 2010 12:55 pm

    -1 troll alert!

  11. Odd Troll on September 25th, 2010 1:05 pm

    The real question is, What CAN'T a Falcon Punch do.

  12. Odd Troll on September 25th, 2010 1:08 pm

    the power of Falcon compels you!

  13. Paulrus-Keaton? on September 25th, 2010 1:12 pm

    SNAKE? DON'T PIK AT IT!

  14. El_bruno on September 25th, 2010 1:17 pm

    Oh come on! It's the Goddamn Captain Falcon! He dosn't need a falcon punch, every argument becomes invalid when he's close

  15. Grammar Nazi Ghost on September 25th, 2010 1:18 pm

    What if our God is Captain Falcon?

  16. meinmattias on September 25th, 2010 1:21 pm

    What? I don't have a Rocket Lawn Chair…

  17. TheHeroPrinny on September 25th, 2010 1:25 pm

    Can it kill itself?

  18. TheHeroPrinny on September 25th, 2010 1:26 pm

    I'll just do what everyone does.

  19. PewnyPL on September 25th, 2010 1:26 pm

    -1 troll is in the base?

  20. revertedtozero on September 25th, 2010 1:43 pm

    +3 Win.

  21. DrRickRollins on September 25th, 2010 1:57 pm

    Can it fix a TV?

  22. MasterLuigi452 on September 25th, 2010 2:12 pm

    WE NEED TO PROTECT +1!!

  23. MasterLuigi452 on September 25th, 2010 2:15 pm

    Ok we all know that Falcon Punch solves every mankind's problem, but why do we have to keep state the obvious??

  24. Marzen on September 25th, 2010 2:20 pm

    That's a Falcon? Looks more like a fucking daemon.

  25. dvv402 on September 25th, 2010 2:21 pm

    It can force to TV to fix ITSELF.

  26. Alpar on September 25th, 2010 2:29 pm

    Well…that's not your case. Your case would probably be some grammar idol. Unless you're polytheistic.

  27. Roflcopter419 on September 25th, 2010 2:38 pm

    The amount of comments kissing up to Captain Falcon bug me, but I shouldn't be surprised.

  28. XPengooX64 on September 25th, 2010 2:44 pm

    Cpt. Falcon has a Falcon Punch.
    Our existence is invalid.

  29. AuraMaster on September 25th, 2010 2:45 pm

    Captain Falcon doesn't ordain you. He punches the evil out of you, and you become a priest if you survive the initial contact, plus 12 months of intense burn therapy.

  30. aimless_void on September 25th, 2010 2:57 pm

    Alright I got this…Stand back, son! +1+1+1, uhhhh… +1!

  31. PewnyPL on September 25th, 2010 3:18 pm

    INCOMIIIIIIIING!!!

  32. Grammar Nazi Ghost on September 25th, 2010 3:38 pm

    Like the majority of Grammar Nazis, I worship a pantheon of Gods, which includes:

    - Internet Hitler
    - Grammar Nazi Cat
    - Bob the Angry Flower
    - Darth Vader
    - MC Grammar
    - Hans Landa
    - Rommel

  33. vatonnage on September 25th, 2010 4:01 pm

    It kinda looks like everyone's staring at Snake's crotch. Even the Falcon. Captain Falcon looks like he's kinda peeking at it out of the corner of his eyes.

    Sorry, I'll go leave now…

  34. DM1293 on September 25th, 2010 4:14 pm

    WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH—Hey our Epeen's still here!

  35. DM1293 on September 25th, 2010 4:16 pm

    There's nothing it can't do. Why do you think Wolf is the anti-Falcon? HE HAS TO LET HIM DO THAT, FALCON PUNCH!

  36. DM1293 on September 25th, 2010 4:17 pm

    You haven't upgraded to the new Crocket Lawn Chair?

  37. DM1293 on September 25th, 2010 4:26 pm

    HI DM1293 HERE! WITH AN AWESOME NEW PRODUCT!

    ARE YOU TIRED OF YOUR ROCKETS BEING DEFLECTED? ARE YOU STILL USING THE OUTDATED ROCKET LAWN CHAIR? TRY OUR NEWLY UPGRADED CROCKET LAWN CHAIR!

    WHY? LOOK AT ITS PATENTED GLOWING-DETECTION CROCKETS, LETTING YOU KNOW THAT THIS ONE IS NO ORDINARY ROCKET, ITS A CROCKET! IT GIBS, IT DOES AOE, IT EVEN DOES YOUR TAXES! BY BLOWING UP THE IRS.

    ITS EVEN BIODEGRADABLE!

    Soldier: I wasn't some namby pamby skeptic! I WANTED A ROCKET LAUNCHER MY DAD WOULD'VE LIKED TO HAVE BEEN KILLED WITH. And now, with this AMERICAN STEEL MADE CROCKET LAUNCHER, my dad came back as a zombie JUST TO GET KILLED BY ME. AND THAT IS WHAT I WANNA SEE.

    Snake: *muffled noises under casts* (Well, I was too late to try the new Crocket Lawn Chair….but maybe when I'm done healing in two years, I'll have regenerated enough of my bones and muscles and undergone enough therapy to attempt using it!)

    AND ALL THIS FOR THE LOW LOW PRICE OF TEN EASY PAMENTS OF 900 DOLLARS AND 10 CENTS. ORDER NOW AND WE'LL DOUBLE YOUR OFFER AND YOUR CROCKETS, ABSOLUTELY FREE.

    THATS RIGHT. ANOTHER NEW PATENTED CROCKET LAWN CHAIR FREE! DOUBLE THE CROCKETS, FREE, AND WE'LL EVEN INCLUDE A SIGHT SYSTEM TO SNIPE PEOPLE WITH YOUR GLOWING ROCKETS.

    (warning people using the crocket lawn chair have suffered from burns cuts scrapes explosions broken limbs a weird taste in their mouthes cancer and death. Using the crocket lawn chair is not guaranteed against Captain Falcon because he's still a god and the only one known to man unable to bleed. Before using crocket lawn chair ask your doctor if you're healthy enough to withstand the recoil.)

    ORDER NOW! (888) WE-SCAM-U

  38. Vlauer on September 25th, 2010 4:31 pm

    You're a scout, FFS! Shouldn't you advertise Sham-Bonk?

  39. HadouKirby on September 25th, 2010 6:04 pm

    But could a Falcon Punch create a being so powerful that it could defeat the Falcon Punch?

  40. hadoukenman on September 25th, 2010 6:11 pm

    Ahem. Gentlemen. I see the Epeen is safe.

  41. codemaster525 on September 25th, 2010 6:19 pm

    Yeah it is.

  42. codemaster525 on September 25th, 2010 6:19 pm

    I think you mean FALCON FIX!

  43. hadoukenman on September 25th, 2010 6:21 pm

    Tell me, did anyone happened to -1 a troll on the way here?

  44. TheAceOfSkulls on September 25th, 2010 6:32 pm

    "What, are you dense? Are you retarded or something? Who the Hell do you think I am? I'm the Goddamn Captain Falcon!" (Said after Falcon Bitch Slapping a 12 year old boy who just watched his parents murdered in front of him)

    …Yeah, I like the regular Captain Falcon more. He was a lot more fun.

  45. Sir_Nox on September 25th, 2010 6:40 pm

    Until Snake, being the cheap and over-powered twat that he is makes the missile do a 360, five figure eights, and a zig-zag before making it come all the way back toward them.

  46. DM1293 on September 25th, 2010 6:59 pm

    I'm just waiting for a food advertisement…
    *Dons bonk helmet*
    You're gonna love my nuts.

    NEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDADISPENSAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHERE

  47. PewnyPL on September 25th, 2010 7:35 pm

    No? Then we still have a problem

  48. Alpar on September 25th, 2010 7:48 pm

    Really? We've distributed +1s to everyone. I don't see a problem.

  49. hadoukenman on September 25th, 2010 8:12 pm

    I've -1 plenty of trolls; they're dime-a-dozen flamewar-starting scumbags -- like you! No offense.

  50. TCC on September 25th, 2010 9:14 pm

    well it can do anything, so yes…. but will it? Nope.avi

  51. TCC on September 25th, 2010 9:15 pm

    you cannot ignore snakes girth

  52. DM1293 on September 26th, 2010 12:33 am

    If you've managed to -1 them then I can assure you they were NOT like me. And nothing, NOTHING like the Troll that is loose inside this building!

  53. YourPalHal on September 26th, 2010 5:18 am

    Invalid is invalid

  54. tstriker1 on September 26th, 2010 6:22 am

    I knew someone would finally kill the rocket launcher joke, It was a pain in the ass in TF2

  55. PewnyPL on September 26th, 2010 6:45 am

    What, are you president of his fanclub?

  56. DM1293 on September 26th, 2010 1:14 pm

    No. THAT WOULD BE YOUR FATHER! *Slaps down gay pornography*
    SO LISTEN UP BOY! Or pornography starring your father will be the second worst thing that happens to you today.

  57. dope92 on September 27th, 2010 12:55 am

    it seems as though that everyone is forgetting about the legendary chuck norris.

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