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This is what happens when you make a totally hilarious machinima of an incredibly awful Half Life fan fiction!

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[VIDEO] Half life: Full Life Consequences

Posted by Shawn Handyside on February 24, 2008 · 12:28 AM

FAIL

LAME

NOT BAD

PRETTY GOOD

AWESOME

(226 votes, average: 4.55 out of 5)

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Categories:
Half-Life, PC, Too Much Free Time, Valve Software, Video Clips

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612Comments2008-02-24+05%3A28%3A09Shawn+Handyside to “[VIDEO] Half life: Full Life Consequences”

Kevin D. on February 24th, 2008 12:42 am

That was terrible.

Terribly awesome! Was that based upon some actual fan-fiction? Who the heck wrote it?
Satir on February 24th, 2008 12:44 am

Probably some illiterate scrub. But that was still awesome.
Flagman on February 24th, 2008 1:01 am

I kinda wanna see the original.
It intrigues me so.
Harui on February 24th, 2008 1:09 am

Dear God in Heaven, I haven’t laughed that hard years! I was still laughing a good two minutes after it ended! And then I was crying, because I couldn’t breathe.

But Jesus, did someone actually write that? No wonder every hates fan ficton!
Shawn Handyside on February 24th, 2008 1:09 am

Retarded Fan Fiction by: squirrelking Narration by: blind51de
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2945837/1…
Remember to subscribe!
MAKING 2ED ONE VERY SOON, SO STAY TUNED!.

John Freeman who was Gordon Freemans brother was one day in an office typing on a computer. He got an email from his brother that said that aliens and monsters were attacking his place and aksed him for help so he went.
John Freeman got his computer shut down and wet on the platform to go up to the roof of the building where he left his motorcycle and normal people close because he was in his office lab coat. John Freeman got on his motorcycl and said “its time for me to live up to my family name and face full life consequences” so he had to go.
John Freeman ramped off the building and did a backflip and landed. He kept driving down the road and made sure there was no zombies around because he ddint have weapon.
The contrysides were nice and the plants were singing and the birds and the sun was almost down from the top of the sky. the mood was set for John Freemans quest to help his brother where he was. John Freeman looked around the countrysides and said “its a good day to do what has to be done by me and help my brother to defeat the enemys”.
John Freeman was late so he had to drive really fast. A cop car was hiden near by so when John Freeman went by the cops came and wanted to give him a ticket. Here John Freeman saw the first monster because the cop was posessed and had headcrabs.
“I cant give you my lisense officer” John Freeman said
“Why not?” said the headcrab oficer back to John Freeman.
“Because you are headcrab zombie” so John Freeman shot the oficer in the head and drove off thinking “my brother is in trouble there” and went faster.
John Freeman had to go faster like the speed of sound and got there fast because Gordon needed him where he was. John Freeman looked at road signs and saw “Ravenholm” with someons writing under it saying “u shudnt come here” so John Freeman almost turned around but heard screaming like Gordon so he went faster again.
John Freeman drove in and did another flip n jumped off his motorbike and the motor bike took out some headcrab zombies infront of John Freeman. John Freeman smiled and walked fast. John Freeman then looked on the ground and found wepon so he pickd it up and fired fast at zombie goasts in front of a house.
John Freeman said “Zombie goasts leave this place” and the zombie goasts said “but this is our house” and John Freeman felt sorry for them becaus they couldnt live there anymore because they were zombie goasts so he blew up the house and killed the zombie goasts so they were at piece.
Then John Freeman herd another scream from his brother so he kept walking really faster to get where he was. Ravenholdm was nothing like the countrysides there was no birds singing and the pants were dead and teh dirt was messy and bloody from headcrabs.
When John Freeman got to where the screaming was started from he found his brother Gorden Freeman fightin the final bosss and Gordon said “John Freeman! Over here!” so John Freeman went there to where Gordon Freeman was fighting. John Freeman fired his bullet from teh gun really fast and the bullets went and shot the final boss in the eyes and the final boss couldnt see.
Gordon Freeman said “its time to end this ones and for all!” and punched the final boss in the face and the final boss fell. John Freeman said “thanks i could help, bro” and Gordon Freeman said “you should come here earlier next time” and they laughed.
The laughed overed quickly though because John Freeman yelled “LOOK OUT BRO!” and pointed up to the top of the sky. Gordon Freeman looked up and said “NOO! John Freeman run out of here fast as you can!” and John Freeman walked real fast out.
John Freeman loked back and saw Gordon get steppd on by the next boss and he was mad and angry.
“I’ll get you back evil boss!” John Freeman yelled at the top of lungs.
to be continued..?
Kbman on February 24th, 2008 1:31 am

I don’t know what was more funny;
The horrible writing
or the excellent animation.
Dan on February 24th, 2008 2:04 am

I realize that it’s easier to criticize than it is to make a video like this, and that I really shouldn’t insult what someone has gone through a lot of effort to make.

But this couldn’t have taken any effort to make. It reminds me of Sealab 2021, which isn’t a compliment. Most of the shame belongs to the author of the fanfic, who should have be castrated for having done the same to the English language. Even if it was supposed to be ironic, it still sucked. Hard.
Kevin J. on February 24th, 2008 2:43 am

wow….wtf? It was pretty fun and stupid at the same time….
I enjoyed it (which says a lot about me lol)
Sai on February 24th, 2008 3:06 am

God a must see, this wins the net xD
kinda reminds me of those classical movies long ago.
Shew on February 24th, 2008 10:50 am

That was by far the most retardilicious thing I’ve seen in weeks. I’d call you an asshole but the endorphin rush was astounding.

:D
Lekonua on February 24th, 2008 10:59 am

Wow. That video has been in my Youtube favorites for a couple of months. Never expected to see it here. I really think that “Full Life Consequences” is the only fan fiction I have ever truly enjoyed reading.
Steven D on February 24th, 2008 12:17 pm

wow lol… they actualy want go go back and play to HL2 again now later… o_o
Alphalance on February 24th, 2008 12:51 pm

…please not be continued
Kevinbaconkid on February 24th, 2008 1:51 pm

full of epic winzors
Boreas on February 24th, 2008 2:19 pm

Are you kidding? This is genius! The horrible grammar and spelling clicks PERFECTLY with the goofiness of the vid…
Da Gamer on February 24th, 2008 4:23 pm

i saw this on youtube a long time ago, its like my favorite video. Plz make another
Personae Non Gratae on February 24th, 2008 4:27 pm

If that isn’t a joke, those writers need to die
Kurt on February 24th, 2008 5:05 pm

That’s an easy 5/5.
kourge on February 24th, 2008 5:13 pm

I remember “The Idiots of GMod” and it was also comedy gold. I think it’s from the same YouTube user.
FyreNWater on February 24th, 2008 5:47 pm

i can’t stop laughing! it’s totally RawFL: so awful you’re ROFL.
Ryumaru on February 24th, 2008 6:11 pm

Oh, man. This had me laughing… for about 10 seconds. Anyway, Boreas is right. The awful animation and grammar and all that silly crap just clicks together.
Ripshot on February 24th, 2008 6:16 pm

ahhhhhh that was great xD
corrupt reaper on February 24th, 2008 6:27 pm

wtf?
Railus on February 24th, 2008 8:37 pm

I rofl’d.

not even an exxaguration. that was amazorizing xD
S on February 24th, 2008 8:48 pm

oh woooooowwwwww……thats quite the fanfic….
but hilarious video lmao
S on February 24th, 2008 8:53 pm

also..i dunno why but headcrabs cracks me up XD
mib on February 24th, 2008 9:14 pm

That rofl’d my waffles.
Don on February 24th, 2008 10:07 pm

I don’t know whats worse, the fact that the author wrote this fanfic in the first place or the fact that there are 6 more just like it.
slagathore on February 24th, 2008 11:19 pm

still laffing….that was hilariously random. Was that a real fanfic? i like the part about pants and the dirt was bloody..from the headcrabs.

the jumpey timing really made it funny

im gonna watch it again!
MushroomBoy on February 24th, 2008 11:37 pm

if video game fan made movies got the oscars i am watching nao, this would get SOMETHING.
Tonuchi on February 25th, 2008 12:00 am

I rather like this one about Jake Snake, Solid Snakes son.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2946083/1/Metal_Gear_Solid_Fight_of_Metal_Gears
Tonuchi on February 25th, 2008 12:02 am

“”Why are you working for bad guys” Jake Snake told the bad guy with the weapon

“Becaus they hav metal gears and hav weapons that shoot lasers” the bad guy said back to Jake Snake.

Then Jake Snake said “I have lasers too” and brought it out of his pocket where it was hiding and shot the bad guy in teh face.”
Ryumaru on February 25th, 2008 9:57 am

I shoot evil in the face…
killercartoons on February 25th, 2008 3:08 pm

first off who’s the idiot who reposted the ENTIRE script on here?

anyways, really bad fan fiction visualized = really funny. i really hope that who ever wrote it was either retarded or took english as a 4th language, because thats so bad….
the video itself though wasnt that great, just as bad as the fan fic. liked the one with the bad drawings better, but whatever
Krazykid on February 25th, 2008 4:00 pm

lmao wow that was so bad it was funny i seriously hope who ever wrote the fanfic is retarded because that was some crappy grammer
bob on February 25th, 2008 4:31 pm

um wtf? the video was hilarious but if that was an actual fanfic…then…there are no words that can truly express how shitty i thought it was…
Gr4y M4tt3r on February 25th, 2008 11:17 pm

LMAO, BRILLIANT! This video is simply priceless…I want to meet the writer of the fanfic, if just to see if he speaks like he writes. Or to shoot him in the face. Whichever.

Whoever called Shawn a retard for reposting the fanfic can of course, go fuck themselves. With Mr. Handyside this site would not exist, so I think he warrants some respect.

Thanks for the video! Keep it up! (Part Two: “Full Life Consequences of being Goddamn Retarded”?)
MushroomBoy on February 25th, 2008 11:37 pm

killercartoons, yer retarded. this was a joke, and done bad on purpose. you know the internet well.
Ham Sandwich on February 26th, 2008 2:34 am

I wanna go play half life now.
boy on February 26th, 2008 8:16 am

Stuff your acadmy awards, the narration, animation and whole concept of this is art to me
CaptainBaconMan on February 26th, 2008 4:15 pm

You are seriously retarded if you think the guy was serious when he wrote this. Hilarious anyways. XD
killercartoons on February 26th, 2008 4:20 pm

i know it was a joke, ive seen it before, its bad and its funny. just dont think he needed to post the whole thing again….
Memoriam on February 26th, 2008 4:30 pm

This actually reminds me of Speed Racer a bit. Damn funny.
Raiden_Zer0 on February 26th, 2008 6:09 pm

“killercartoons: first off who’s the idiot who reposted the ENTIRE script on here?”

Shawn Handyside posted it. He runs this joint..kinda…mostly..often. You may also know him from http://www.staccatocomic.com/. He was posting the story for those of us who wanted to read it. He’s far from an idiot.
killercartoons on February 27th, 2008 1:20 pm

ok, that was untrue statement, he is not an idiot. still dont think he had to post it but w/e. but i have to ask you, did you really want to read it? i think its funnier as a vid
Col.Sanders on February 27th, 2008 4:01 pm

I might agree with killercartoon’s more recent post.
Also,for the people who dont know, the people who made the vid are not the same people who wrote the fanfic.

[zombie goasts leave this place]
Alphalance on February 27th, 2008 4:50 pm

John Freeman yelled at the top of lungs. i loled so hard at that. I quote this all the time now.
killercartoons on February 27th, 2008 5:59 pm

oh, and actually the guy who wrote this fan fic was justr learning english, so im pretty sure he was serious when wiriting this. eityher way the guys who made the vid(s) thought it was funny
Ryumaru on February 28th, 2008 10:03 am

Really? I thought the bad grammar was intentional. You know, like how it is here…
Incognito on February 28th, 2008 6:11 pm

This is one of those things that makes you laugh everytime you watch it. Especially from 2:50-3:00, but that’s me.
corrupt reaper on February 28th, 2008 9:46 pm

wtf did this guy use to do the video?
Personae Non Gratae on February 28th, 2008 9:59 pm

Probably Gary’s Mod
Black Mage on February 29th, 2008 2:51 pm

I love fanfic sporking, and this was one of the best I’ve seen. Frickin awesome.
NGAlexJS on March 1st, 2008 12:38 am

It’s like LOLpics with perfect voice acting.

GOLD I say.
ConkerBirdy on March 1st, 2008 4:14 am

i saw this ages b4 it was posted here, but still funny non the less, u shoudl also post idiots of gmod aswell, cuz it was made by the creator of this vid aswell
Google monsters on March 2nd, 2008 2:50 am

It was written by someone in 3rd grade so it makes sense it sucks ass
PainGain on March 2nd, 2008 10:18 pm

Horrible and hilarious.
Better half life parody: http://hlcomic.com/
HALOLZ on March 4th, 2008 2:44 pm

[…] sends word of a sequel to the greatest Half-Life fan-fiction movie of all time! Enjoy! Posted in Video Clip, Too Much Free Time, Valve Software, Half-Life, PC No Comments | […]
kevin on March 5th, 2008 1:54 am

lol this is a serious win
Haywire on March 11th, 2008 11:55 pm

The fanfiction: Over 9k on the failoscope.
The movie: Flippin’ hilarious. It’s only funny because of how bad the fanfiction is. =)
cipher on March 18th, 2008 1:41 am

My favorite part was when the pants were dead…poor pants…WHY COULDN’T IT HAVE BEEN THE SLACKS?! NO-ONE LIKES SLACKS! Now that mah pants are dead I gots nothin’ ta wear ta work.
Mister Gone on March 18th, 2008 2:33 pm

Oh my god, it gets so much worse.

http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1047027/squirrelking
Acrisius on March 29th, 2008 10:01 pm

There are no words.

Well, obviously, there are.

Like the ones in the video.

That are so terribly put together.

Squirrelking, seriously, even with your bad understanding of the English language, when you read this, doesn’t it sound super crappy?

Seriously.

DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT PRONOUNS ARE?!?!

Probably not.

And yes, I know Squirrelking’s in the third grade.

;_;

The video is hilarious, though. Tends to dull after a while, though. The second one’s not nearly as good.

Though one thing is kind of strange. In both the first and second one, the word “plants” is misspelled, but in the second one, the word “planted” is spelled correctly. WTF?

;_; Perseus

P.S. Sorry for the ludicrously long post.
jacfalcon on April 8th, 2008 5:23 pm

OMG! HL:FLC3!!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8g2oyxYENb8
Ben on April 18th, 2008 6:33 am

That was great. I think the comedy was in the intentional(i hope) misspellings and amusing animations.
Asbduhas on April 21st, 2008 2:58 am

on a scale of 1 to 5, that gets a 27!!!
I fell out of my chair 5 times!
I love all the misspellings!
rikumelenium on April 25th, 2008 5:49 pm

freakin awesome how this video managed to stay in the top 10 entries for 2 months now :D
Rayza B on May 21st, 2008 2:55 am

i have always loved this video.
Blaze on June 16th, 2008 12:33 am

ftw always
Not Chris on July 14th, 2008 7:33 pm

Well, turns otu the guy doesn’t speak english natively, so we should cut him some slack. And I think this may be a case of
Not Chris on July 14th, 2008 7:34 pm

Whoops. Forgot mah link.
Not Chris on July 14th, 2008 7:35 pm

Jesus… Just go here:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Sue

Also, sorry for the triple post, nonintentional. Also *out
Jod on October 25th, 2008 4:02 am

I am completely drunk right now…thus this makes perfect sense@
Lerky Cartman on November 26th, 2008 3:56 am

"I can't let you rate this under 5 starts, internet person."

"Why not?

"BECAUSE YOU ARE HEADCRAB ZOMBIE."

And then he shot the internet person in the head, and give this video a 5 star rating.

"5/5", he said.
[VIDEO] Half-Life: Full Life Consequences Remix : Halolz on December 1st, 2008 6:40 pm

[…] this may just be a remix of the classic Full Life Consequences… but it’s a catchy remix! Submitted by Killercartoons [VIDEO] Half-Life: Full Life […]
[VIDEO] Half Life: Hero Beggining : Halolz on March 9th, 2009 1:27 am

[…] Djy1991, the makers of, well, you know… all the other hilarious Half Life fanfic movies, comes their latest joint… Hero Beggining! Enjoy! Submitted […]
Paiv on March 9th, 2009 7:01 am

It's amazing that the machinima is actually word-for-word with this awful fan fiction.

I wonder if the person who wrote this was serious or not…
dapaperboy on March 11th, 2009 6:38 am

that video brain fucked me. now ima get G-mod :O
Kohri on August 20th, 2009 5:36 pm

I totally loved that the narrator starts laughing at around 1:17.

Hilarious. The end. :D

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