2 B A Master

That is one bitter and worn-down ten year old.
By MichaelMayne

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Posted by Shawn Handyside on September 1, 2012 · 2:09 AM 
FAILLAMENOT BADPRETTY GOODAWESOME (207 votes, average: 3.71 out of 5)
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Anime, Artistic, Chillaxin', Depressing, Nintendo, Off Duty, Pokémon, TV Shows

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91 Responses to “2 B A Master”

  1. prpgecko on September 1st, 2012 1:58 am

    Girth, it kills dreams.

  2. Marzen on September 1st, 2012 2:47 am

    Hey, look! It's me and my cat!

    ….What? I'm from the South, it's common, shut up!

  3. Sceptilianblade on September 1st, 2012 2:55 am

    Sucks to be you, buddy. Y'know why?
    <img src="http://i.qkme.me/5tcu.jpg&quot; img>

  4. blargenth on September 1st, 2012 2:57 am


  5. Prof. Luigi on September 1st, 2012 2:58 am

    Looks like ash had one too many SODA POPS.

  6. UndeadLex on September 1st, 2012 2:59 am

    14 years earlier…
    <img src="http://i.imgur.com/uOPqE.gif?2"&gt;

  7. Skrist on September 1st, 2012 3:06 am

    That is one ugly ass cat.

  8. Skrist on September 1st, 2012 3:07 am

    All his "pokemon training" paid off.

  9. Prof. Luigi on September 1st, 2012 3:07 am

    Man, is Gary_Oak still around? I'd like to hear from him about this.

  10. Ryu Bonkosi on September 1st, 2012 3:12 am
  11. MasterLuigi452 on September 1st, 2012 3:18 am

    You really REALLY need to catch up with the time Shawn…

  12. Treeman574 on September 1st, 2012 4:45 am

    And 40 years later…

    <img src="http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6123/5996793648_9f9fa86c8d.jpg&quot; width="390" height="450">

  13. IncredulousEric on September 1st, 2012 4:46 am

    Mandatory Gary Fucking Oak:
    <img src="http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6thcw2WP41rsaznz.jpg&quot; width ="444">

  14. IncredulousEric on September 1st, 2012 4:48 am
  15. ChaoticButerfly on September 1st, 2012 5:05 am

    Wow he really let himself go……………………………no not Ash, I mean Pikachu.

  16. Passerby Boy on September 1st, 2012 5:54 am

    How is that even possible? Wasn't Ash cursed to be forever 10 years old? Unless he just got fat in those 40 years

  17. HughbertEsq on September 1st, 2012 6:36 am

    Poor Ash, looks like he

    Burnt out

  18. wolfpax181 on September 1st, 2012 9:18 am

    Totally needs a Bastion narration.

    'Kid wanted to be a Pokemon master, like no one ever was. Too bad the kid just couldn't ignore Gary Oak's girth."

  19. Nick Soapdish on September 1st, 2012 9:51 am

    Quick Pikachu, use Empathy!
    Pikachu does not know empathy.

  20. TheFancyPants on September 1st, 2012 9:52 am

    Frik! now Rucks is singing the whole song in my head.

    Wait, why am I angry?

  21. Alpar on September 1st, 2012 10:36 am


  22. Rexxmech on September 1st, 2012 10:48 am

    Ash never could have been the best. Gary always existed.

  23. Pseudonym_ on September 1st, 2012 11:19 am

    you comment was broken. Allow me to fix it.

    Poor ash, looks like he…*sunglasses*
    Burnt Out

  24. PortalMan on September 1st, 2012 12:10 pm

    14 years later, and Pikachu STILL hasn't envoled!!!

  25. Comire on September 1st, 2012 12:15 pm

    14 years later, Ash would still be 10.

  26. Caelun_Niveus on September 1st, 2012 1:45 pm

    Wait… is one of those… a Companion Cube badge?

  27. Rocker23220 on September 1st, 2012 1:51 pm

    O_O I……..don't remember that episode

  28. Icesickle97 on September 1st, 2012 2:33 pm

    So, he forgot to bring a BURN HEAL, then?

  29. Skrist on September 1st, 2012 2:42 pm

    If you were destined to be a voice changing 10 year old with no common sense for all eternity I'm sure you would stop caring too.

  30. DiamyoAlex on September 1st, 2012 3:44 pm

    [youtube qMxH7JLVdhc rel="nofollow"> youtube]

  31. Punch SideIron on September 1st, 2012 4:08 pm
  32. StompyChar on September 1st, 2012 6:00 pm

    14 years later, He's still 10.

  33. Alpar on September 1st, 2012 6:45 pm


  34. Mindlessinvalid on September 1st, 2012 7:13 pm

    From the French word "envoler": to dissapear, run away, or be stolen.

    Damn, team rocket still couldn't get that damn pickachu after 14 years?

    Or maybe they suddenly got hit by a burst of common sense and gave up?

  35. SaintRCat on September 1st, 2012 7:36 pm

    So…Ash wins, then?

    I mean, dancing wtih sexy ladies in swimsuits seems a lot better than having soccer moms throw confetti at you.

  36. SaintRCat on September 1st, 2012 7:40 pm

    Notice how there's no Soul, Marsh, Volcano, Earth, or Thunder Badge. Gary couldn't even beat most of the gyms that Ash did!

  37. Funkalicous on September 1st, 2012 7:47 pm

    Same bat-time, different bat-place…
    <img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m8cd7aVFiC1rb4jspo1_500.gif"&gt;

    (Brock is in two different places at once, what can you do?)

  38. Deep Thought on September 1st, 2012 8:40 pm

    Obviously, you've never had a cat.
    <img src="http://www.dula.tv/blog/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/missing-cat.png"&gt;

  39. Passerby Boy on September 1st, 2012 10:11 pm

    Just be lucky he hasn't drank that many LEMONADES. That would get ugly…

  40. sims796 on September 1st, 2012 10:14 pm

    Pfft. Nobody wants Ash's sloppy seconds.

  41. Cloak on September 1st, 2012 10:43 pm

    Gary has always been there.
    Now we need Gary English.

  42. Mindlessinvalid on September 1st, 2012 11:30 pm

    So? Yukari Yakumo has been 17 for several thousand years. She doesn't just *look* 17, she used her power over all boundaries and borders to shatter the far border of her 17th birthday.

  43. SaintRCat on September 2nd, 2012 1:16 am

    And yet somehow, he has Misty's badge.

  44. Caelun_Niveus on September 2nd, 2012 1:22 am

    Welcome to Halolz, your number one source for outdated video game related lolz.

  45. MasterLuigi452 on September 2nd, 2012 1:50 am

    Words cannot express how accurate this statement is…

  46. Comire on September 2nd, 2012 4:17 am
  47. vash_ts on September 2nd, 2012 10:37 am

    she could not resist him…

  48. Icesickle97 on September 2nd, 2012 1:26 pm

    Dissapear: to counter the act of sapearing an object or individual.
    Down't bee a snobb if yu cannt fix yur mistaxe

  49. Mindlessinvalid on September 2nd, 2012 1:33 pm

    "Disappear" written as dissapear is an understandable typo. Especially when the person making the mistake has otherwise impeccable spelling and grammar and rarely invokes the "grammar hammer" at people.

    That's more than I can say for *some* people.

  50. Icesickle97 on September 2nd, 2012 2:04 pm

    Oh God, that went over far worse than I thought it would. I thought it was kind of obvious I was messing up the spelling on purpose to add a layer to the joke…I usually type the best I can, and fix my mistakes as long as I can find them…I apologize for my unintentional idiocy and asshole-ish…ness.
    To be honest, I was still kind of debating whether to bother with that "joke" while I was making it, and just decided to see how it went over…not well, apparently.

  51. Mindlessinvalid on September 2nd, 2012 3:21 pm

    At least it wasn't as badly received as it could have been. a few -1's won't hurt your e-peen noticeably.

    I'd probably be in the 100+ club right now if it weren't for some badly received sarcastic remarks I made earlier this year.

    And as far as asshole remarks go, yours was tepid at best. I -1'd you because it felt like you were just defending the guy just to be a dick, even though that is now clearly not the case.

    I don't see any reason for anyone else to have -1'd you because the only person who should have had a problem with it was me, and now that I see what that was I feel bad about being a dick about it.

  52. Mindlessinvalid on September 2nd, 2012 3:28 pm

    Out of all of the characters in the pokemon universe and all official variants thereof, Ash is the biggest loser out of all of them.

    He's only caught like what, 10 pokemon? Everyone else has gone on to do meaningful things, and the only other person close to his level of failure was a gym leader at one point.

    Gary's existence is pretty meaningless in this debate because Ash was already at the bottom of the totem pole and stayed there for god knows how many seasons, what does it matter if person at the top is the last word in badass?

  53. Icesickle97 on September 2nd, 2012 4:11 pm

    Eh, you don't have to feel bad about it if you genuinely thought I was trying to be annoying, and I guess I was overreacting when I said I was being an asshole and that this went over terribly when only one person who I didn't expect to -1'd me.

  54. Mindlessinvalid on September 2nd, 2012 7:32 pm

    Man, it's getting 'feels' in here.

    I suddenly feel the need to kick something helpless and adorable to reaffirm my nature as a part time villain.

  55. BTSnoogans on September 2nd, 2012 9:45 pm

    Nah, he caught more like 20 Pokemon. But the latter 10 were all Tauros.

  56. bloominninja on September 2nd, 2012 10:08 pm

    well duh he's a time lord he just regenerated as an old man <_<

  57. Funkalicous on September 2nd, 2012 11:13 pm

    Charizard, use Mercy!
    Charizard does not know mercy.

  58. Alpar on September 2nd, 2012 11:14 pm

    Gonna be gone for a while

    Stay gold, Halolz

  59. Skrist on September 3rd, 2012 1:34 am

    To help the confused, he means silver

  60. Comire on September 3rd, 2012 4:19 am

    Did you mean?
    Heart Gold.

    …See you soon Alpar.

  61. Jimmy on September 3rd, 2012 6:58 am

    Heh heh heh…they just "give it away".

  62. Pseudonym_ on September 3rd, 2012 11:19 am

    sssshhhh…. Before Zoe gets here

  63. BraveSirJimOfLawl on September 3rd, 2012 11:22 am

    …Alpar is leaving?

  64. PortalMan on September 3rd, 2012 11:58 am


  65. RenegadeSparks on September 3rd, 2012 12:24 pm

    wait, if when he was 10 he was talking about his "girth" what does that mean it is 14 years later…

  66. RenegadeSparks on September 3rd, 2012 12:32 pm

    We must dawn the masks of Alpar and make Alpar sacrifices to the Alpar God of Alparness, quickly before our Alpar levels are critically low!!!

  67. Comire on September 3rd, 2012 12:35 pm

    I considered linking a MrBean/IfYouKnowWhatIMean image instead but I didn't want to insult anyone by making the joke too obvious.

  68. Mindlessinvalid on September 3rd, 2012 12:40 pm

    Isn't this a little bit late for that…?

    This hasn't been a flame war for… 4…? yes… 4 Iterations.

    You TL;DR'd, dude.

    Not that I can blame you… I wouldn't read a string of what looked like a flame duel either.

  69. Mindlessinvalid on September 3rd, 2012 12:49 pm

    So… we're going to make Tantric consecrations of loli elbows?

    That's fucked up… man…

  70. TheRealKirby on September 3rd, 2012 1:55 pm

    There are more terrible things in this world.

  71. Pseudonym_ on September 3rd, 2012 1:59 pm

    Well, it looks like we need to elect a temporary Alpar. I vote Vabolo.

  72. Mindlessinvalid on September 3rd, 2012 2:50 pm

    I can name several off the top of my head.

    Black Widow carpet *shudder*

  73. RenegadeSparks on September 3rd, 2012 3:45 pm

    yeah… I TL;DR'd HARD there whoopsy-doodles

  74. Nightmarekiba on September 3rd, 2012 3:54 pm

    How would one go about requesting Halolz motto/ tagline being changed to that?

  75. TheAceOfSkulls on September 3rd, 2012 5:04 pm

    Well I picked a weird time to return then…

    I mean it's not like I planned to return while one of the senior members left as if I were some sort of dark force planning to plunge the world into darkness the second I see a hint of weakness.

    …That's Jack's job. I just profit by supplying the cannon fodd… the personnel required for just such an undertaking.

  76. TheAceOfSkulls on September 3rd, 2012 5:16 pm

    Could you imagine an entire game with a Bastion narrator?

    "Kid was just mindin' his own business when this nasty old man stepped in front of him. Guy says he just want to help the kid out, show him how to catch a pokemon. Kid just sits there, trying as best as he can to get this over with quickly, only pretending to listen to the lecture. Kid figures he knows the drill already and just wants to get out there."

    "Soon as the dust clears, the kid hears a familiar voice callin out to him. When he turns around, he spots old Professor Oak, panting and out of breath. The Prof said he came as fast as he could, wanted to congratulate him on his victory."

    "So as the kid's surfing on the coast, something strange pops out. Looks like an L that's been put through some unimaginable trial. The kid's Pokedex is going crazy, spouting gibberish at him. Kid has a feeling he shouldn't mess with this sucker."

    Perhaps this would work better if it were a game about how Red ended up on that mountain though…

  77. TheAceOfSkulls on September 3rd, 2012 5:19 pm

    I'm pretty certain the forums, as they're apparently this wonderland where anything is possible and magic ice-cream is dispersed at regular intervals judging from how much people post for them.

  78. TheAceOfSkulls on September 3rd, 2012 5:25 pm

    I continue to see new images of Ash all over the place, but most of Gary's pictures seem to be taken back from the early years. Hell, most of them are the same picture. One almost has to wonder if in fact Gary is still around or if he's mysteriously disappeared as part of The Plot*

    *Referring to my idea that the reason Ash hasn't aged is that Pikachu kidnaps and then manipulates the neuroelectricity within the nervous system to create a new Ash to go on a new quest with new sidekicks (hence why older sidekicks end up leaving forever).

  79. NotTheSpy on September 3rd, 2012 5:27 pm

    Its OK, I got this.

  80. TheAceOfSkulls on September 3rd, 2012 5:33 pm

    Blurry icon, different name, slightly different e-peen…

    Oh clearly Alpar and no one else who is just impersonating him in his absence, what happened to you? Did you get hit or something? Also, why do you smell suspiciously of cigarettes made decades ago and carry around a butterfly knife?

    I've been gone for a long time and you take up some weird habits? What else is new around here?

  81. NotTheSpy on September 3rd, 2012 5:38 pm

    Zoe and Jimmy are married now. I was the Man of Honor.

  82. TheAceOfSkulls on September 3rd, 2012 5:49 pm

    Due to a small memory lapse, I had to go through their posts to remind myself who they were.

    …I'm just going to go back to my usual routine of illicit business practices, inhumane experiments, bouts of socio- and psychopathy, and plotting with a secret cabal who utilize science and business for dark and mysterious purposes.

    You know, the less messy and disturbing stuff.

    …I should really see where King got off to after he escaped the bunker…

  83. TheAceOfSkulls on September 3rd, 2012 5:52 pm

    Silly DT, that's not a cat! That's a…

    Oh, that's… supposed to be in… and behind a 10 inch steel plate…

    Ahem, I mean, that's definitely a cat or some other type of common animal that is in no way something that has wiped out three of my research teams.

  84. TheAceOfSkulls on September 3rd, 2012 5:53 pm

    I'd hazard a guess that he has been indulging in a RARE CANDY or two. That saturated fat and calorie count catches up with you.

  85. Skrist on September 3rd, 2012 6:41 pm

    The magic ice cream was the greatest part about them…

  86. TheAceOfSkulls on September 3rd, 2012 8:03 pm

    Somehow, it's like you were meant to say that. It's like you got that icon just to post that very reply.

    Anyways, you wouldn't imagine how often I've heard that about the ice cream. When I joined, I was more entranced by the strange spiraling mass towards the back of it, but whenever I ask about that people kept changing the subject.

    In fact they still do whenever I try to bring that up. It's almost like there was some strange secret you all were hiding in there and have been trying to recover before anyone else stumbles across it.

    But that's just silly. I'm pretty certain that's where the ice cream came from, right?

  87. Jimmy on September 3rd, 2012 9:50 pm

    Hold on a sec, I'll fix that memory lapse of yours…where's my grammar hammer memory stick?

    *mutters* "One good whack ought to do it…"

    *WHACK!!!* *THUMP*

    The reception was fantastic Alpar!!! I remember you being there!!! Saying lots of stuff…I felt higher than a kite…Although, I don't remember whose wedding it was…

    I think I may have had too much to drink…my wrists were really sore this morning…and I woke up in a white room…in a soft bed…next to a bottle of…s-o-d-i-u-m o-x-y-b-a-t-e and…Z-OH GAWD WHAT HAPPENED?!?

  88. Icesickle97 on September 3rd, 2012 10:38 pm

    …Really? Nobody else is going to say anything about it? You're all gonna make me do it? Okay, fine…So, why are you leaving, Alpar?

  89. Restam111 on September 3rd, 2012 11:44 pm

    he's making halolz time. the only time where its slower than valve time

  90. MasterLuigi452 on September 4th, 2012 1:51 am

    This needs to be Halolz meme now.

  91. Oddwan on September 5th, 2012 8:27 am

    It's going to be a sad and dark time…
    you know, like last time?
    The Dark Ages?

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