Scientists just aren’t good at talking to women!
By makani, submitted by several people

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Posted by Shawn Handyside on June 13, 2011 · 5:13 PM 
FAILLAMENOT BADPRETTY GOODAWESOME (284 votes, average: 4.68 out of 5)
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Artistic, Awkward Moments, Boobies, Half-Life, Valve Software, Weak Points

· Leave a comment (80 Comments)


80 Responses to “Why Gordon Doesn’t Talk”

  1. Ultamia on June 13th, 2011 5:19 pm

    Oh that's bull Gordon, I had no trouble at all at looking at her boobs.. Wait what? I mean…

    Edit: Holy crap how did I get to 48p so quickly?

  2. HoopleDoople on June 13th, 2011 5:19 pm

    And here I thought Gordon Freeman was out smashing scientist stereotypes (with a crowbar, nonetheless)…

  3. spplmj on June 13th, 2011 5:24 pm

    Gordon you've got it all wrong. Women have boobs so you've got something to look at while you're talking to them!

    <img src="; alt="" width="300" height="225" />

  4. Spamcannon on June 13th, 2011 5:41 pm
  5. MokubaKaiba on June 13th, 2011 5:53 pm
  6. Dr. Furry on June 13th, 2011 5:53 pm

    baaaaaaaarely shawn? i showed that to you months ago XD

  7. Alpar on June 13th, 2011 5:56 pm

    Is this also the reason why we don't have Episode 3 yet?

  8. greenxboy on June 13th, 2011 5:57 pm
  9. Jimmy on June 13th, 2011 5:58 pm
  10. BTSnoogans on June 13th, 2011 6:03 pm

    Will Gordon Freeman ever successfully talk to a girl? Find out next time in Episode 3!

  11. general Mudkip on June 13th, 2011 6:05 pm

    I swear by my tophat ive seen this before

  12. Frankenstrat247 on June 13th, 2011 6:07 pm

    I <3 physics

  13. VyseRogueKing on June 13th, 2011 6:25 pm

    SPELLING HAMMER! "Doesn't" not "dosen't"! Shawn I am disappoint.

  14. Doctor Rover on June 13th, 2011 6:26 pm

    Without Gravity, Pyramid head couldn't rape anybody.

  15. JohnPoe on June 13th, 2011 7:00 pm

    Gordon Freeman is wearing a skirt. Cannot unsee.

  16. shadow649 on June 13th, 2011 7:01 pm

    1 is less than 3? that's physics? :P o wait… that's an odd looking 1. maybe it's an I! Science wins again!!!

    P.S. you know who also likes physics? <img src="; ALT="pumpkin">

  17. Paulrus-Keaton? on June 13th, 2011 7:09 pm

    Other instances:

    Eli Vance: Gordon Freeman. Heh, let me get a look at you, man…
    Gordon: (thinking) Oh god, a black man. Stay cool, stay cool… you're not a racist, just watch your words. Wait, did I use "black"? Fuck! I mean, he's a "minority"….. NO NO NO, "African-American". Wait, is he even American? Never really asked. Fuck it, I'll go with that. Yeah! yeah! Better to think that before I think "nigg-DAMMIT.

  18. PortalMan118 on June 13th, 2011 7:20 pm

    Now if someone could tell me why Chell doesn't talk….

  19. vash_ts on June 13th, 2011 7:47 pm

    gordon lost his voice with the first invasion, that was an
    unforseen consequence….

    that´s why no one is expecting you to answer

  20. Jimmy on June 13th, 2011 7:52 pm

    Ask Samus Aran. She messed it up for all chicks.

  21. Uzumakiclan43 on June 13th, 2011 7:54 pm

    C'mon, Gordon! Resist those urges! Don't make me show the film that made me the man I am today! (sorry for those who are country-blocked)

  22. Dash12345678 on June 13th, 2011 8:17 pm

    You're suggesting that after Episode 2, he became aware that a female had started playing the series, and he was therefore unable to continue?

  23. Alpar on June 13th, 2011 8:25 pm


  24. Paulrus-Keaton? on June 13th, 2011 8:36 pm


    <img src="; alt="some_text"/>

  25. Paulrus-Keaton? on June 13th, 2011 8:37 pm


  26. Seanhl on June 13th, 2011 8:41 pm

    inb4 sammich

  27. The_AntiVillain on June 13th, 2011 8:45 pm

    is it just me or is this a repeat?

  28. Seanhl on June 13th, 2011 8:46 pm

    "I had trouble getting through the military because I thought people looked down on me with absolutely NO grounds, so I call everyone an idiot just to feel better, I think she may have just been a slow maturer, but when she started talking, she skipped straight to her teenage years"

  29. Lord_Science on June 13th, 2011 8:52 pm

    *wiping Metroid: Other M from memory banks*
    I'm sorry what were you saying?

  30. 3K9 on June 13th, 2011 8:55 pm

    Now somehow I have slight respect for you, Paulrus. ok maybe alot

  31. Paulrus-Keaton? on June 13th, 2011 8:58 pm

    inb4 OVER THE LINE!

  32. TheQueenofSouls(DT) on June 13th, 2011 9:41 pm

    Mark it a zero!
    Rainbow, Fluttershy was in the war… she was a conscientious objector!

  33. Jimmy on June 13th, 2011 9:49 pm

    Call your doctor if you boosted e-peen lasts for longer than 4 hours.

  34. Jerach on June 13th, 2011 10:17 pm

    You are not alone ol' chap.

  35. TCC on June 13th, 2011 10:22 pm

    science gives me a hadron.

  36. Nyoron on June 13th, 2011 11:06 pm

    Now, let's all agree that we at least spent a minute staring at her boobs.

  37. Nyoron on June 13th, 2011 11:08 pm


  38. TCC on June 13th, 2011 11:49 pm

    … I've still never seen the big Lebowski. :I

  39. razorman715 on June 13th, 2011 11:50 pm

    Yeah, but that doesn't explain why almost every other videogame protaganist doesn't say a damn thing.

  40. shadow649 on June 13th, 2011 11:55 pm

    Everything is better with pretty girls. Like beach volleyball for example. But then again beach volleyball never happens without girls… thank god.

  41. shadow649 on June 13th, 2011 11:59 pm… the picture is even used here…

  42. Paulrus-Keaton? on June 14th, 2011 12:05 am

    Shut the fuck up, Pinkie.

  43. CriticalQuit on June 14th, 2011 12:25 am

    Who needs talking?

    Oh right me XD

  44. imnutty on June 14th, 2011 12:49 am

    so we endure a decade long cliff hanger?

  45. TheQueenofSouls(DT) on June 14th, 2011 1:14 am

    4 months? did you say 4 months? because that's what I'm dealing with right now…

  46. Zyquux on June 14th, 2011 2:27 am

    inb4 sandvich

  47. Zyquux on June 14th, 2011 2:29 am

    Science gets me up quarks.

  48. vash_ts on June 14th, 2011 3:25 am

    you found a guy, the guy says: hello, welcome to city X
    you "talk" to the guy again, he tells you: hello welcome to city X
    you insist again, same answer
    you think, im not going to spend words in idiots like that

  49. Ultamia on June 14th, 2011 3:54 am

    Screw that, who needs Viagra when you got skill? I have trained in the arts of Erectsu-No-Garyoaketh-girtheru.


    Okay I'm sorry.

  50. Combatbeaver on June 14th, 2011 4:19 am

    by the way the original was submitted 3 years ago into deviantart and it was only now that it had been submitted it to halolz…

  51. Kristoph Gavin on June 14th, 2011 4:23 am

    If Freeman has a headcrab on his face and is screaming in pain, is he having a conversation with it?

  52. Dimomarg on June 14th, 2011 4:55 am


  53. Haeso5 on June 14th, 2011 6:02 am

    Remember kratlolz? We all want that back but that obviously won't happen, so I got an idea, Shawn. HALFLOLZ. We don't have enough Half-life related lolz, so make Halflolz! And no the lolz wont be half as great. They will be a fourth as great. :3

  54. Kristoph Gavin on June 14th, 2011 7:07 am

    She made herself mute.

    For science…you monster.

  55. Kristoph Gavin on June 14th, 2011 7:08 am



  56. Kristoph Gavin on June 14th, 2011 7:25 am


  57. Jones-250 on June 14th, 2011 8:04 am

  58. Dimomarg on June 14th, 2011 8:08 am

  59. CriticalQuit on June 14th, 2011 8:11 am

    Mario: The only people to talk to are annoying mushroom people, why would he want to?
    Link: Spends more time in dungeons than towns, and never NEEDS to speak in those towns.
    Kirby: Infantile, incapable of speech.
    Final Fantasy 1's protagonists: Seeing as how they were created out of pure fate, they didn't grow up and thus didn't have developed language skills.
    Quote (Cave Story): He lost pretty much everything in his memory. I guess only Curly managed to remember how to talk.
    Chell: Doesn't want to give the robots of Aperture the satisfaction of a response. (Valve actually said that)
    Crono: He was probably a mute the entire time.

    The only ones I can't explain are the ones from Golden Sun, as only the player character is mute but the player character switched from Isaac in the first, to Felix in the second, to Matthew in the third. Isaac didn't talk when you played as him but he did in the other two.

  60. Gearheadmk2 on June 14th, 2011 8:35 am

    I am slighty disgusted by the fact that this is the highest rated comment.

  61. HughbertEsq on June 14th, 2011 12:55 pm


  62. HughbertEsq on June 14th, 2011 12:57 pm

    Its funny because it isn't true

  63. HughbertEsq on June 14th, 2011 1:02 pm

    I wonder if that'll be the mainstay of Freemans Mind when they get to HL2

  64. tmotom on June 14th, 2011 1:07 pm

    Looks like Mr. Freeman has a crowbar… IN HIS PANTS!!! Ha.

  65. tmotom on June 14th, 2011 1:10 pm

    It seems to not be on her side… Those jeans look awfully hard to get on…

  66. tmotom on June 14th, 2011 1:11 pm


  67. GazzyW007 on June 14th, 2011 1:48 pm
  68. GazzyW007 on June 14th, 2011 1:59 pm



    [No offense Kristoph….I like your hair…]

  69. TheAl41 on June 14th, 2011 3:49 pm

    Isnt this like a few years old or something cause i have seen this before…

  70. Jimmy on June 14th, 2011 4:28 pm


    That's only friction my friend. A little bit of lubricant would help if the problem persisted.

    In addition…
    Gravity: I never really was on your side…*BACKSTAB*

  71. Combatbeaver on June 14th, 2011 4:33 pm

    because her voice is just rel="nofollow">silly…

  72. BTSnoogans on June 14th, 2011 5:13 pm
  73. BTSnoogans on June 14th, 2011 5:15 pm

    Great. Now every new post is going to be disappointing by comparison.

  74. penguindude42 on June 14th, 2011 6:24 pm

    Ninten: It's probably his asthma.
    Ness: A lack of true friends, perhaps?
    Lucas: He never speaks, ever. Not even when someone else is being the hero.
    Red/Gold/May/Dawn/Black: No explaination. Maybe they only talk to Pokemon?
    Sonic: Killer robots.
    Mega Man: Evil robots.
    Guy from Berzerk: Middle of a robot war. Haunted by a smiley face.
    Every Dragon Quest hero ever: ???
    Doomguy: All his coworkers are dead or brainwashed by demons.

  75. Lord_Science on June 14th, 2011 6:26 pm

    I think he misinterpreted "burn" for "Smash everything to pieces and then smash those pieces into smaller pieces with a crowbar"
    Honest mistake on his part. I once misinterpreted "Don't mess with the laws of physics" for "create a weapon based on black holes"
    That was not so honest though.

  76. SonicsmyName on June 14th, 2011 7:30 pm

    Isn't this older than dirt?

  77. ProfessorLuigi on June 15th, 2011 9:14 pm

    That's why burning zombies is so much fun…

  78. ProfessorLuigi on June 15th, 2011 9:14 pm

    Find out soon…Valve Time.

  79. PortalMan118 on June 17th, 2011 10:32 am

    GRAMMER HAMMER! It is disappointed not disappoint!

  80. SirNumel on June 20th, 2011 10:59 pm



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