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THROW SCIENCE AT THE WALL, SEE WHAT STICKS

BLOOD TURNED INTO GASOLINE? THAT'S NORMAL.

WHEELCHAIR RAMPS TOO EXPENSIVE. BUY MOON ROCKS.

INJECT PEOPLE WITH MANTIS DNA, FIGHT AN ARMY OF MANTIS-MEN

JUMP ON BLUE PAINT, BREAK BOTH YOUR LEGS

BUY EXPENSIVE MOON ROCKS, GRIND THEM INTO GEL

INVENT COMBUSTIBLE LEMONS, BURN LIFE'S HOUSE DOWN

LAB BOYS SAY STOP RECORDING MESSAGES. RECORD MORE MESSAGES.

Clearly Cave Johnson made all the right decisions in life… truly his are words to live by!
By Leko

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Some Advice From 1950′s Cave Johnson



Posted by Shawn Handyside on April 26, 2011 · 1:47 PM 
FAILLAMENOT BADPRETTY GOODAWESOME (346 votes, average: 4.68 out of 5)
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Categories:
Advice Meme, Bad Ideas, PC, Playstation, Portal, Science/Math, Valve Software, Xbox 360

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111 Responses to “Some Advice From 1950′s Cave Johnson”

  1. therandombear on April 26th, 2011 1:49 pm

    Yup, this man speaks what we're all thinking!

    I support his combustible lemons project.

  2. scubajesus on April 26th, 2011 1:51 pm

    Couple of them were good quotes, but it would be nice if it didn't take up 3 pages on the front page.

  3. Shawn Handyside on April 26th, 2011 1:51 pm

    Cave Johnson. We're done here.

  4. Doc_ock_rokc on April 26th, 2011 1:53 pm

    When life gives you lemons

    Burn life's house down
    WITH THE LEMONS!

  5. therandombear on April 26th, 2011 1:53 pm

    correct, we need more, like 6 pages on the front page :3

  6. bc524 on April 26th, 2011 1:54 pm

    OPEN HALOLZ

    SEE ADVICE MEME ಠ_ಠ

    (well…at least it isn't courage kratos…)

  7. SushiGummy on April 26th, 2011 1:56 pm

    Cave Johnson sounds like the kinda guy who had a combustible lemonade stand when he was young, but never made as much money as the kid next door, Gordon.

  8. Lordshadow on April 26th, 2011 1:59 pm

    SEE FUNNY ADVICE MEME

    Advice Lordshadow

    BE CONFLICTED

  9. RemielChibus on April 26th, 2011 1:59 pm

    Don't worry. That feeling of impending doom is normal. It comes with this module AI system.

  10. Jimmy on April 26th, 2011 2:12 pm

    Oh no, this is only the BEGINNING…

    Of what? Falcon only knows…

  11. smashpro1 on April 26th, 2011 2:15 pm

    Advice Cave Johnson is the best Advice Meme.

  12. MasqueNoMercy on April 26th, 2011 2:22 pm

    actually i think cave johnson is pretty good for this meme, after all he keeps giving out advice like "just try and get near that baby, your funeral" and "good enough for science, not apperture science!"

    live on courage cave, live on

  13. Shawn Handyside on April 26th, 2011 2:25 pm

    Johnson Tuesdays?

  14. bc524 on April 26th, 2011 2:27 pm

    apparently, halolz is the third result when you google search 'advice meme'. only beaten by know your meme site and the meme generator

  15. bc524 on April 26th, 2011 2:35 pm

    nothing wrong with the meme, i just feel that halolz's own collection is a bit…extensive

  16. MorningMoon on April 26th, 2011 2:48 pm

    Please it can't be that ba- OH MY GOD.

  17. Haite on April 26th, 2011 2:54 pm

    "Of what? Falcon only knows… "
    THE MEANING OF THE TRUTH!

  18. DM - Gentrollman on April 26th, 2011 2:57 pm

    …

    *commits seppiku* *drops note*

    "I can no longer go on trolling, knowing that the greatest trolling in halolz history has been done twice."

  19. DM - Gentrollman on April 26th, 2011 3:00 pm

    Cave Johnson doesn't do things half-assed around here now does he? HE PAYS THE BILLS. HE'LL POST HOWEVER MANY COURAGE MEMES OF HIM AROUND AS HE WANTS.

  20. ProfessorLuigi on April 26th, 2011 3:05 pm

    I thought his neighbor was Wallace.

  21. MasqueNoMercy on April 26th, 2011 3:09 pm

    yeah youre right, maybe we need to thin out their numbers with something… maybe bring motivational posters back?

  22. TehBlueOne on April 26th, 2011 3:16 pm

    The colours not remind anyone of Irn Bru?

  23. seanhl on April 26th, 2011 3:18 pm

    these aren't courage memes, these are just advice memes

  24. Luigi676 on April 26th, 2011 3:21 pm

    Blood turned into gasoline?

    …I think that'd only be normal for gearheads.

  25. seanhl on April 26th, 2011 3:22 pm

    I know what to name this one, please not courage Cave, I know it isn't alliteration but how about SCIENCE Johnson

  26. NotAUsername on April 26th, 2011 4:02 pm

    Hello. Long time lurker here, just registered to say Mr. Handyside here ruined one of gaming's greatest characters for me.
    Kthxbye

  27. CriticalQuit on April 26th, 2011 4:08 pm

    Advice Cave Johnson meme? Awesome.

    Rant about Safe Science

    Fire imaginary objector

  28. Kevvo on April 26th, 2011 4:12 pm

    Cave Johnson is the only name he will ever need: it is an adjective in and of itself.

  29. Kevvo on April 26th, 2011 4:14 pm

    BUY MOON ROCKS

    CONVERT MOON ROCKS INTO FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLAR REPULSION GEL

    MAKE HOMELESS MAN JUMP FIFTY FEET ONTO BLUE PAINT.

    LAUGH.

  30. Lekonua on April 26th, 2011 4:22 pm

    SEND IN A BUNCH EXPECTING MAYBE 1 WILL GET PICKED

    Blank staring Leko

    ENTIRE BATCH GOES UP
    ———————————————-
    MAKE SARCASTIC COMMENT ABOUT HALOLZ LOVING ADVICE MEMES

    Blank staring Leko

    SHAWN TAKES IT LITERALLY

  31. Ichiinu on April 26th, 2011 4:30 pm

    ಠ_ಠ
    Good sir, have you even PLAYED the game?

    Everyone knows the moon rocks were for the Paint a Portalable Surface Gel (the white one), not repulsion gel!

    Shame on you!

  32. OrionX on April 26th, 2011 4:30 pm

    It was more like, "Oh. Advice meme. At least it isn't Courage Kra- Okay. Two of 'em. Three…four…WHAT IS GOING ON" for me.

  33. Pisko on April 26th, 2011 4:47 pm

    That's 65% more page per pages

  34. DM - Gentrollman on April 26th, 2011 4:51 pm

    He's talking about making combustible lemons and burning life's house down.

    IF THATS NOT A COURAGE MEME, THEN I DON'T KNOW WHAT IS GOOD SIR.

  35. invadingduck on April 26th, 2011 4:57 pm

    Slow clap initiated.

    Clap.

    Clap.

    Clap.

  36. TheAl41 on April 26th, 2011 4:58 pm

    Potados: YEAH YEAH YEAH!!!

  37. invadingduck on April 26th, 2011 4:59 pm

    BECOME CAVE JOHNSON

    USE SCIENCE TO MAKE ADVICE MEMES FUNNY AGAIN.

  38. TheQueenofSouls(DT) on April 26th, 2011 5:05 pm

    Well, shit. What does that mean for me?

    Zyquux! Tmotom! We must fight for supremacy!

  39. A_R_ on April 26th, 2011 5:10 pm

    YES!

  40. Alpar on April 26th, 2011 5:46 pm

    Bring back Wolf Wednesdays and Falcon Fridays, and we have a deal.

  41. zeldafan8 on April 26th, 2011 5:52 pm

    This has to be the one advice meme I approve of entirely.

  42. A_R_ on April 26th, 2011 6:19 pm

    No one tells Cave Johnson what to do. Didn't you know that?

  43. Leo E. on April 26th, 2011 6:24 pm

    <img src="http://www.chaosagent.info/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/letthebuthurtflowthroughyou.jpg&quot; height="323" width="455">

  44. Pioneer1 on April 26th, 2011 6:29 pm

    <a (href)="url">words<(/a)>
    remove the parenthesis, and post it.
    like so

  45. Zyquux on April 26th, 2011 6:55 pm

    But what's on Thursdays?

  46. Zyquux on April 26th, 2011 6:56 pm

    Halolz is the first result for Courage Kratos! :D

  47. Zyquux on April 26th, 2011 7:04 pm

    *loads Tesla Trope Thompson*
    Let's do this.

  48. Zyquux on April 26th, 2011 7:05 pm

    Oh, good. That still works.

  49. Alpar on April 26th, 2011 7:06 pm

    The usual.

  50. Red on April 26th, 2011 7:09 pm

    <img src="http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110421153503/half-life/en/images/thumb/3/3d/SpaceCore.jpg/129px-SpaceCore.jpg&quot; alt="" />
    Space!
    (as does the space core!)

  51. Zyquux on April 26th, 2011 7:09 pm

    WHY DOES THIS NOT HAVE MORE +1S?!

  52. Red on April 26th, 2011 7:11 pm

    Yes, we must retake Friday from… Her…

  53. Red on April 26th, 2011 7:12 pm

    so:
    Poke-Fortress Thursdays?

  54. C__F on April 26th, 2011 7:25 pm

    Mad science fueled Karma-bomb?

  55. bc524 on April 26th, 2011 8:05 pm

    so…when do we get halo related submissions?

  56. smashpro1 on April 26th, 2011 8:20 pm

    Combustible lemons are the future!

  57. smashpro1 on April 26th, 2011 8:22 pm

    GET SCIENCE STUFF PUT IN YOU
    GET ANOTHER SIXTY BUCKS

  58. TheQueenofSouls(DT) on April 26th, 2011 8:23 pm

    *reads all caps*
    Hmmm… the last time he said this, it was about my Dark Knight post.
    *reads above paragraph*

    I tip my top hat to you sir!

  59. Caelun_Niveus on April 26th, 2011 8:24 pm

    Never really, except maybe the first three images on the site.

  60. codemaster525 on April 26th, 2011 8:30 pm

    I think the rest of the Halolz community can agree that Shawn and Cave Johnson are almost the same person.

  61. SpartanJedi on April 26th, 2011 8:51 pm

    Comical images poking fun at elements of the series of interactive entertainment software products known as "Halo"…in MY Halolz!?

  62. SpartanJedi on April 26th, 2011 8:55 pm

    Pfft…I supported combustible lemons WAY before Aperture started messing with them!

  63. Jimmy on April 26th, 2011 9:05 pm

    What have I done…

    LMAO XD

  64. Jimmy on April 26th, 2011 9:09 pm

    BEND OVER AND TAKE IN THE CREATIVITY!!!

  65. Lekonua on April 26th, 2011 9:15 pm

    Cave Johnson here. FACT: the key to any successful website is advice memes. And as our data clearly shows, humans can't make advice memes.

    The solution? TEMPLATES!

    BAM! Templates gave us 6 extra seconds of funny.

    Good job, templates.

  66. therandombear on April 26th, 2011 9:26 pm

    One of them Hipster lemon guys?

    Good thing GLaDOS has some spare neurotoxins for you…

  67. TheUnknownNoob on April 26th, 2011 10:05 pm

    Hire homeless people.

    Trust them with multi-million dollar pieces of equipment.

  68. TheUnknownNoob on April 26th, 2011 10:13 pm

    FUCK. I READ THAT IN HIS VOICE

    WHAT HAVE YOU DONE???

  69. CriticalQuit on April 26th, 2011 10:35 pm

    Friday is currently:
    The second best: day
    The worst: Song
    The best: Hermit's servant (if you understand that You get a cookie)

  70. Red on April 26th, 2011 10:40 pm

    I saw the "ermit's servant" and instantly thought:
    <img src="http://www.toontowncentral.com/gallery/data/506/kermit.jpg&quot; alt="">
    his back-stage assistant?

  71. Red on April 26th, 2011 10:42 pm

    <img src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_ADom8ach2mM/S7i790xRFjI/AAAAAAAAB-s/vWDbBGgMccQ/s1600/halo4.jpg&quot; alt="" />
    you know you've hit hard times when you don't even appear on the website which bears the name of the game which you star in…

  72. Toupe454 on April 26th, 2011 11:04 pm

    Can’t afford $7 worth of moonrocks.

    Buy $7 million worth of moonrocks.

  73. CriticalQuit on April 26th, 2011 11:04 pm

    I was referring to Robinson Crusoe…

  74. Lekonua on April 26th, 2011 11:40 pm

    <img src="http://www.majhost.com/gallery/lakonua/Edits/cj_asbestos.png&quot; />

  75. BeardedSpycrab on April 26th, 2011 11:44 pm

    rel="nofollow">NOBODY

    Also, first post ever on this site, after a year of lurking.

  76. GigaCrashMan on April 26th, 2011 11:56 pm

    World War III will be fought underground…
    against mantis-men…
    with science.

  77. Jade Catima on April 27th, 2011 12:48 am

    …..

    *puts gun in mouth*

  78. Rain on April 27th, 2011 2:35 am

    This has been a pre-recorded message

  79. SonicsmyName on April 27th, 2011 2:38 am

    Dangit, I was about to say that on your previous comment, but now that you have written the answer here, everyone would just have though I'd stolen it from this comment!

    CRITICAAAAAAAAAL!!

  80. SonicsmyName on April 27th, 2011 2:43 am

    BECOME CAVE JOHNSON

    USE SCIENCE TO MAKE ADVICE MEMES FUNNY AGAIN
    DO THE IMPOSSIBLE

    Fix'd

  81. SonicsmyName on April 27th, 2011 2:44 am

    And portals.

    And repulsion gel.
    Especially repulsion gel.

    Delicious, deLICIOUS repulsion gel.

  82. Lucas of Twinleaf on April 27th, 2011 4:12 am

    [WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS, MAKE LEMONADE]
    [SELL IT FOR 300]
    Not well done, but I wanted to try my hand at SOMETHING 'cause it popped up in my mind while I was thinking about the fact that both Lemonade, and Cave Johnson were now on Halolz.

  83. HughbertEsq on April 27th, 2011 4:16 am

    grabs gun and redirects it towards Shawn Handyside

  84. HughbertEsq on April 27th, 2011 4:19 am

    Can't understand…must simplify……..critical overload

  85. zeldafan8 on April 27th, 2011 7:32 am

    I vote space core as the greatest core ever. U SPACE?!

  86. zeldafan8 on April 27th, 2011 7:35 am

    MORE BEARD DIRT.

  87. BeardedSpycrab on April 27th, 2011 10:12 am

    rel="nofollow">NOBODY

    (Sorry if this ends up being a double post, first time commenting here)

  88. smartmonkey on April 27th, 2011 11:29 am

    *Caroline deleted*
    GLADOS DISAPPOVES

  89. Red on April 27th, 2011 8:36 pm

    *dives to block bullet*
    NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

    *turns out it was a portal gun!*

  90. Red on April 27th, 2011 8:37 pm

    At least we have that

  91. Red on April 27th, 2011 8:37 pm

    ssssh!
    careful or THEY'LL hear you!

  92. Red on April 27th, 2011 8:37 pm

    Good news everyone! It's a suppository!

  93. Red on April 27th, 2011 8:38 pm

    I Space!

    P.S.
    SSSSSSPPPPPPPPPPAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCEEEEEEEEE!!!

  94. Red on April 27th, 2011 8:39 pm

    <img src="http://rabidpaladin.com/images/rabidpaladin_com/WindowsLiveWriter/WindowsMediaPlayer11Sucks_C2CC/EvilLemon%5B4%5D.jpg&quot; alt="" />
    I always knew those lemons were up to no good!

  95. femaxunit on April 27th, 2011 8:42 pm

    He has saved science.

  96. Xenrek on April 27th, 2011 9:51 pm

    cave johnson is my hero, and i shall strive to make my future scientific career as great as his.

  97. Xenrek on April 27th, 2011 9:54 pm

    we need more cave johnson. maybe aperture science can be valve's first cartoon. that would make for plenty of Cave Johnson memes

  98. Xenrek on April 27th, 2011 9:54 pm

    gotta see it all!

  99. Xenrek on April 27th, 2011 9:59 pm

    especially since hes so UNDERGROUND!

  100. Kevvo on April 28th, 2011 1:35 am

    HAVE SOMEONE DELIVER PICTURES OF SPIDER-MAN
    ANOTHER SIXTY BUCKS.

  101. Kevvo on April 28th, 2011 1:38 am

    http://www.gifbin.com/981625

  102. PKMN Trainer Lucas on April 28th, 2011 2:09 am

    "this is degrading and humiliating!!! now only if they could make it in the form of a suppository"

  103. elitetrashmob on April 28th, 2011 3:33 am

    ALSO TATTERED HATS (YAY HATS!)

  104. elitetrashmob on April 28th, 2011 3:34 am

    HAVE SPIDER-MAN DELIVER PICTURES OF SPIDER-MAN
    GET FIRED!

  105. elitetrashmob on April 28th, 2011 3:37 am

    OOH I LOVE THIS MAN <3

  106. elitetrashmob on April 28th, 2011 3:38 am

    Not you, test subject, you're doing fine.

  107. elitetrashmob on April 28th, 2011 3:40 am

    Pay 'em 60 bucks.

  108. elitetrashmob on April 28th, 2011 3:41 am

    It will be so underground that you will probably never hear of it.

  109. elitetrashmob on April 28th, 2011 3:44 am

    Eventually you build up a resistance to it, then it can become… a little unbearable.

  110. ProfessorLuigi on April 28th, 2011 5:00 pm

    I lol'd.

  111. oddball250 on April 29th, 2011 9:34 pm

    Use that 60 bucks to buy beard dirt

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