Door Question

Well played Gaben, well played.
Found by Jane L.

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Posted by Shawn Handyside on April 15, 2011 · 3:01 PM 
FAILLAMENOT BADPRETTY GOODAWESOME (628 votes, average: 4.79 out of 5)
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Categories:
Bad Ideas, Incoming Transmission, Internets, Portal, Sneak Attack, Tips & Tricks, Valve Software

· Leave a comment (116 Comments)





 

116 Responses to “Door Question”

  1. Gamage on April 15th, 2011 3:05 pm

    That's fine, paper masks can fool valves turrets.

  2. xstationcubed on April 15th, 2011 3:12 pm

    or just hold a big cube in front of yourself and crouch. Then you can just crawl up and knock it over.

  3. Jimmy on April 15th, 2011 3:12 pm

    *Uses mirror, confuses turret, steals all copies of Portal 2, sells them on eBay.*

  4. Sid_Diddly on April 15th, 2011 3:19 pm

    Well then that explains this video. rel="nofollow">

  5. tmotom on April 15th, 2011 3:19 pm

    It's okay Brandon, all you have to do is knock it over and you're fine!

  6. Alpar on April 15th, 2011 3:23 pm

    They can't fool the fat guys in the flamethrower suits.

  7. Alpar on April 15th, 2011 3:23 pm

    Pfft, what idiot would just grab Portal 2? Grab the HEV suit and crowbar, and you're the world's most untouchable man in an instant.

  8. nemb94 on April 15th, 2011 3:27 pm

    Most untouchable man of science

  9. oreopizza47 on April 15th, 2011 3:28 pm

    Hey, while you're in there, see if you can find the glass shell they're keeping HL2:Ep3 in, and then look for the release switch.

  10. Paulrus-Keaton? on April 15th, 2011 3:33 pm

    <img src="http://images.wikia.com/half-life/en/images/a/a2/Commentary_node.jpg&quot; alt="Pulpit rock" height="258" width="262">
    Gabe Newell: Welcome to Valve HQ. Hopefully you have already been able to enjoy our vacant reception area, the scale-size TF2 sentry, and vending machines in your quest to find an unreleased version of [game name here]. You're probably feeling a bit sure of yourself that you have managed to make it this far without anyone calling law officials or feeling the wrath of the after hours janitorial crew. But since we feel that all people should be able to enjoy our titles, whether or not they acquire them legally, feel free to make your way to [Valve department here] to find your copy, but remember that we are not making this easy.

    As you were listening to this, we have sealed all the entrances to the premises, including any you've made, and our security system is now releasing a deadly neurotoxin that will flood all the levels of our HQ. If there are any employees that are caught in its wake, they will die eventually though they have since made a living will and signed a statement knowing that we are not responsible. Additionally, we have set up plenty of turrets and other military-grade defenses that should hinder your progress, giving you more time to enjoy the neurotoxin as it fills your lungs and induces blood-filled vomiting.

    As you struggle to find [game title here], please also take the time to enjoy the many commentary nodes that we have peppered throughout the premises. These nodes will tell you about the development of [game title here] as well as answer other popular questions like the release date of Half-Life 2: Episode Three, the true gender of the Pyro, our possible involvement with several political assassinations, and my favorite drink.

    To listen to a commentary node, put your crosshair over the floating commentary symbol and press your use key. To stop a commentary node, put your crosshair over the rotating node and press the use key again. Some commentary nodes may take control of the game in order to show something to you. In these cases, simply press your use key again to stop the commentary.

    If you live, which is highly unlikely, please let me know what you think after you have had a chance to play. I can be reached at gaben@valvesoftware.com, and my favorite pony is Pinkie Pie. Not like you'd live to tell anyone about that. Thanks, and have fun!

  11. VaultLegend on April 15th, 2011 3:34 pm

    Sap it, back-stab the 70 year old security guard and you're good to go.

  12. VigilanteSpider on April 15th, 2011 3:35 pm

    Brandon: *Breaks in through side entrance* Looks like the coast is clear…
    Turret: There you are!
    Brandon: O_o
    Turret: Dispensing product.
    Brandon: Oh God no!
    Turret: *opens to reveal copy of Portal 2*
    Brandon: Oh… thank you.

  13. VaultLegend on April 15th, 2011 3:35 pm

    and in exchange, you just can't ever speak again.

  14. Leon_Rios on April 15th, 2011 3:37 pm

    The most untouchable man in the world would probably Greased Up Deaf Guy from Family Guy.

  15. Leon_Rios on April 15th, 2011 3:40 pm

    Turret: That will be $59.99 in U.S. Dollars.
    Brandon: *rummage* *Pulls $60 from pocket and gives to the turret.*
    Turret: Plus tax. *Laser sight aims at Brandon's head*
    Brandon: Uh…
    Turret: Are you still there?

  16. invadingduck on April 15th, 2011 3:43 pm

    Brandon goes through door.

    Gabe's Sentry——-->Brandon.

    Gabe: Make'n Bacon!

    Gabe eats bacon.

  17. Sid_Diddly on April 15th, 2011 3:55 pm

    Unless you equip HEV and Crowbar to Greased up Deaf Guy and then it is quite possibly something more beautiful then Brody Quest. o_o

  18. BLAMEY0URFATE on April 15th, 2011 3:59 pm

    Silly Gabe, everyone knows that Fluttershy is the best.

  19. Deep Thought on April 15th, 2011 4:01 pm

    I had completely forgotten that they had an actual turret in their lobby… but does this one fire the whole bullet?

  20. LordMurdalot on April 15th, 2011 4:08 pm

    huh i was gonna go to the one with the companion cube outside thanks for the pointer gabe

    *sneaks in*

    wait a bleeding moment DID HE SAY TURRET!!!

    "there you are"………………

  21. seanhl on April 15th, 2011 4:09 pm

    but at least when the turret runs out of bullets it makes a lovely greater "hello, are you there"

  22. smashpro1 on April 15th, 2011 4:19 pm

    Only Aperture turrets fire the whole bullet. I don't think Engie figured out how that works, yet.

  23. HughbertEsq on April 15th, 2011 4:29 pm

    However that nearby "Conagher" brand turret may prove a major flaw in your exit strategy

  24. HughbertEsq on April 15th, 2011 4:29 pm

    Rainbow Dash Dissaproves

  25. smartmonkey on April 15th, 2011 4:34 pm
  26. Deep Thought on April 15th, 2011 4:36 pm

    Exactly, which is why Aperture Science should be the place to go for all your auto-aiming turret needs.

  27. Deep Thought on April 15th, 2011 4:37 pm

    *Puts disc in computer*

    This product will be available for play on April 19th

    FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

  28. Th3l4st0ne on April 15th, 2011 4:54 pm

    He has experience at being a professional troll so I say he will dig up his past and use it one final time to bring hope to the whole world by not only taking Portal 2, but Episode 3 as well.

  29. Irish_Anphibian on April 15th, 2011 5:17 pm

    Applejack Disaphooves

  30. C__F on April 15th, 2011 5:37 pm

    Weta never ceases to amaze me.

    Do you think they will know where Portal 2 is kept?

  31. SirNumel on April 15th, 2011 5:38 pm

    No matter how this scene plays out, Gabe still ends up eating bacon.

  32. C__F on April 15th, 2011 5:42 pm

    Been a long time since you commented, eh? Therefore, your +1s are long overdue. Please proceed to the nearest Halolz member to receive your due +1s.

  33. GazzyW007 on April 15th, 2011 5:56 pm

    But what if you add Brodyquest to that as well?

  34. Alpar on April 15th, 2011 6:56 pm

    hay guyz derpy

  35. nemb94 on April 15th, 2011 6:57 pm

    or the creepy australian with the jar of piss

  36. Paulrus-Keaton? on April 15th, 2011 7:05 pm

    EPONA.

    .,…wait.

  37. Paulrus-Keaton? on April 15th, 2011 7:14 pm

    Fluttershy: Um… delaying games and trolling people is mean so you shouldn't do that anymore. ❤
    Gabe: ….
    "VALVE ANNOUNCES RELEASE DATE OF HALF-LIFE 2: EPISODE THREE. GAMERS CUM THEIR PANTS."

    (alternate version)
    Fluttershy: Um… delaying games and trolling people is mean so you shouldn't do that anymore. ❤
    Gabe: ….*OM*
    "GABE NEWELL EATS HIGHLY EVOLVED AND INTELLIGENT TALKING PONY. SCIENTISTS AND BRONIES RAGE."

    (alternate alternate version)
    Fluttershy: Um… delaying games and trolling people is mean so you shou-
    Gabe: rel="nofollow">ROOOOOOOBOOOOOOTS!!!!!
    "HOLY FUCK, ROBOTS."

  38. epicspoon on April 15th, 2011 8:18 pm

    *GRAMMER HAMMER*
    *greeter

  39. Captain Rehab on April 15th, 2011 9:53 pm

    plus, how would you catch the greased up deaf guy and get him into the HEV suit? Its not like you can call him over or anything…

  40. Captain Rehab on April 15th, 2011 9:54 pm

    great, now we'll never see episode 3

  41. seanhl on April 15th, 2011 10:10 pm

    lol, wasn't thinking there, thanks for the catch

  42. smashpro1 on April 15th, 2011 11:04 pm

    *GRAMMAR HAMMER*
    *Grammar!

  43. tstriker1 on April 15th, 2011 11:37 pm

    …Did you have this planned out?

  44. CriticalQuit on April 16th, 2011 12:39 am

    He didn't specify which kind of turret it is.

    So it'll probably be a Combine Turret, an Aperture Turret, AND a Level 3 Sentry Gun.

    Hey, it's a good suggestion. The other two doors lead to an Antlion Guard room, and a room full of his favorite class, the Spy.

  45. Vosur on April 16th, 2011 1:00 am

    And soon enough, Link will be singing "Look at my horse.."

  46. Vosur on April 16th, 2011 1:02 am

    Or hyperactive Boston kids with milk bottles.

  47. Paulrus-Keaton? on April 16th, 2011 1:21 am

    I've had that idea on the backburner for awhile now. I think its caramelized by now.

  48. Vosur on April 16th, 2011 1:24 am

    Would he really say it though? I don't really think so.

    "Hya!"

  49. Zabrio on April 16th, 2011 1:28 am

    HAMMER TIME!

  50. DrSexington on April 16th, 2011 1:51 am

    I wonder if that'd work…..

  51. Dimomarg on April 16th, 2011 1:52 am

    It looks like the turret…
    *sunglasses*
    will help him.
    YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

  52. DM - Gentrollman on April 16th, 2011 2:12 am

    Uh, guys? Why doesn't Paulrus-Keaton have over 100 e-peen? GIVE THIS MAN TEN INTERNETS. *goes to charge his comments up*

  53. DM - Gentrollman on April 16th, 2011 2:30 am

    *rocks back in forth in the fetal position* just 72 hours and thirty minutes just 72 hours and thirty minutes just 72 hours and thirty minutes just 72 hours and thirty minutes

  54. Solid_Snivy on April 16th, 2011 2:49 am

    *Buys every single copy, slips explosives within the envelope and money*

    One trainer down…

  55. Solid_Snivy on April 16th, 2011 2:52 am

    *Hops into a cardboard box, packaged self to Valve HQ*
    Heheh, foolproof plan…

  56. Zyquux on April 16th, 2011 4:26 am

    "Oh, THERE you are…"

  57. Zyquux on April 16th, 2011 4:32 am

    That's because Gabe ate it thinking it was bacon.

  58. Lucas of Twinleaf on April 16th, 2011 8:13 am

    OBJECTION!
    *Uses Taunt*
    Now you can only attack your copies of Portal 2!

  59. AgileZero on April 16th, 2011 8:27 am

    Oh, ok I understand. Well at least call him Lessis or Sessil or Selsis or Lisses or Issles or some anagramatical (is there such a word?) name other than the one-that-shall-not-be-named.

    Hey how about this account name? SSSiel.

    Eh? Eh?

  60. Grammar Berzerker on April 16th, 2011 9:25 am

    Bitches don't know about Derpy Hooves.

  61. Squikker2001 on April 16th, 2011 10:12 am

    or the paranoid Texans with wrenches.

  62. Gearheadmk2 on April 16th, 2011 11:17 am

    Three days…
    Three days…
    THREE DAYS…

  63. Deep Thought on April 16th, 2011 11:24 am

    Suggestion: Monday, April 18th be officially Portal day, where we all play Portal, Portal Prelude, and Portal: flash map pack and record either # of deaths or total time playing. Who's with me?

  64. Jimmy on April 16th, 2011 12:09 pm

    *Throws mail into giant pile*
    It explodes…scatting countless bills all over the place in a charcoaled like fashion

    DAMN!!! The money!!! I thought that was another bill!!!

    SNIVY…SNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVVYYYYYY!!!

  65. Naxts_The_Demon on April 16th, 2011 12:18 pm

    Or the steroid induced Russians with sandwiches.

  66. Naxts_The_Demon on April 16th, 2011 12:26 pm

    Bitches know about many ponies.

    Nobody knows about Luna though.
    Shes a lonely pony.

  67. HughbertEsq on April 16th, 2011 12:33 pm

    Or sado-masochistic Barvarians with bonesaws.

  68. HughbertEsq on April 16th, 2011 12:35 pm

    CHALLENGE ACCEPTED rel="nofollow"> rel="nofollow">
    *lack of greased up person*

    close enough

  69. HughbertEsq on April 16th, 2011 12:48 pm

    GEORGIAN STOLE MA HORSE! rel="nofollow">

  70. 1avidgamer on April 16th, 2011 12:52 pm

    Candlejack disapproves.

    Corny joke, I kn

  71. HughbertEsq on April 16th, 2011 12:54 pm

    hehehehehehe.. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! WOOOHARHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!!!!
    *CONTINUES LAUGHING MANICALLY*
    YOU FOOL!
    YOU STILL BELIEVES IT EXISTS?!?!
    WHEN GABEN DELETED EPISODE 3 HE TALKED
    JUST
    LIKE
    THIIIIIIS!!!!!!

  72. Deep Thought on April 16th, 2011 1:24 pm

    Or scotsmen of african decent with heavy explosives

  73. Jade Catima on April 16th, 2011 1:33 pm

    Or patriots from the American southeast with rocket launchers.

  74. zeldafan8 on April 16th, 2011 2:00 pm

    You are right sir. Quickly TO THE MAGNET MOBILE!

  75. zeldafan8 on April 16th, 2011 2:03 pm

    To help prevent this problem, Aperture Science has increased the capabilities of a standard turret by allowing it to fire 65% more bullet per bullet.

  76. Th3l4st0ne on April 16th, 2011 2:17 pm

    Humm..how does it work?

  77. Jade Catima on April 16th, 2011 2:32 pm
  78. Grammar Berzerker on April 16th, 2011 2:45 pm

    Who?

  79. razorman715 on April 16th, 2011 3:04 pm

    *Puts Gaben mask on*

    Turret: There you are! Deploying!

    Spy: Ah no, its just me, Gabe Newell

    Turret:I don't hate you! Goodnight

    *Spy slowly sneaks past*

  80. Leon_Rios on April 16th, 2011 4:31 pm

    And even then you wouldn't have a Greased Up Deaf Guy. You'd just have a nasty greased up HEV suit and crowbar.

    Disgusting.

    … I would TOTALLY wear that. Y'know. For science. And whatnot.

  81. HughbertEsq on April 16th, 2011 5:28 pm

    I do believe the second scenario reaches the most realistic possibility

  82. Sid_Diddly on April 16th, 2011 6:03 pm

    Gate ate it because it was bacon. Bacon CD's newest invention from Epic Meal Time.

  83. SentryGunner on April 16th, 2011 8:05 pm

    3 days……3 days….

  84. primedawg9170 on April 16th, 2011 9:23 pm

    Yes, just 3 more days till we can finally play Portal Tw- hey, is it me or is that moon getting bigger?

  85. primedawg9170 on April 16th, 2011 9:24 pm

    Just don't go near any metal stuff or you'll be raging all day.

  86. AdamTheChao on April 16th, 2011 10:06 pm

    You'll be Derping if you don't know about Dr Whoof.

  87. Paulrus-Keaton? on April 16th, 2011 10:39 pm

    Ooh! 128 ! New personal record.
    The only way I could get anymore e-peen from this comment is if I had translated it from Japanese.

    ….I totally translated it from Japanese.

  88. Paulrus-Keaton? on April 16th, 2011 10:45 pm

    Actually, for the lulz, here's the same post thrown into Google Translate, translated into Japanese, and then translated back into English.

    To, Gabe Newell says: Welcome to Valve headquarters. Hopefully you have already [here the name of the game] reception area available in our on your quest to find an unreleased version of the scale size TF2 guards, and are able to enjoy a vending machine that. You probably managed to make the bit without legal officials call it this far by anyone, or feel that your anger felt after the cleaner time. But we are all people, or if you want to get them legally they have since felt that need to be able to enjoy our work, we have to find a copy, this easy Please note that not [Valve Division here] Feel free to check your way.

    Since you had heard this, we are, you do, the security system we built, now one has released a lethal poison will flood all levels of the headquarters of our including, to seal the entrance to all premises. If any employee has been caught in its wake, but the subsequent life, we have signed a statement to know that there is no responsibility, and they eventually die. We also are given to enjoy the poison had more time to vomit filled blood to guide fills your lungs, setting the full level of protection for other military turrets and must interfere with your progress being.

    [Game title here] to find, as struggles, and please take the time to enjoy many commentators have leveled nodes in our site. And three episodes, pilot, sex real possibility of involvement in political assassinations in several ways: These nodes, game title here] as well as the Half -- Life other common, such as the release date of 2 My favorite thing beverages will introduce developers to answer questions.

    To listen to a comment node, the press put your cross on a floating-point explanation of symbols. To stop the comment node, put a cross on the nodes of the rotation, using the press again. You may take the lead of the game to show you something for some explanation nodes. In these cases, press again to stop using just a comment.

    If you live in, is very low and I had the opportunity to play after you, please let us know what you think. I, gaben@valvesoftware.com my favorite horse you can reach is Pinkipai. I think you mentioned live to tell anyone about it. Thanks and have fun!

  89. Naxts_The_Demon on April 16th, 2011 11:03 pm

    =(

  90. epicspoon on April 17th, 2011 12:16 am

    hey im no creeper!

  91. Ifer on April 17th, 2011 12:48 am

    Even better (Read with GLaDOS voice)
    "Thank you for breaking into Valve HQ. By doing so you have volunteered to test the equipment for our new game, Portal 2. Please proceed to our recruitment department, where you will undergo a physical assessment before being outfitted with a portal gun and longfall boots, after which you may begin the testing. After the testing there will be cake, and you will be given a chance to appear in our future our game(s) for as long as you survive."

  92. DM - Gentrollman on April 17th, 2011 1:31 am
  93. DM - Gentrollman on April 17th, 2011 3:54 am

    Thats no moon…

    <img src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_4MUf6T4VzPw/Sc_vB2LRTsI/AAAAAAAAG1A/VhAH2DpvmC8/s320/zelda-moon-papercraft.jpg&quot; height="11" width="11">

    Wait a minute… no wait, I stand corrected. *RUNS*

  94. HughbertEsq on April 17th, 2011 4:33 am

    Or DJ PON-3

  95. HughbertEsq on April 17th, 2011 4:34 am

    … Pinkipai?

  96. HughbertEsq on April 17th, 2011 4:39 am

    Or subversive Parisians with cigarette cases

  97. HughbertEsq on April 17th, 2011 4:40 am

    MY MIND! *MOOB*
    because explosions are too mainstream

  98. HughbertEsq on April 17th, 2011 7:21 am

    Or schizophrenic announcers with silly hairdos

  99. CriticalQuit on April 17th, 2011 7:31 am

    Initiating mandatory package checkpoint system. Proceeding X-Ray scan… life form detected. Activate flamethrowers…

  100. CriticalQuit on April 17th, 2011 7:33 am

    Gabe Newell's stomach is not made of glass.

  101. SirNumel on April 17th, 2011 11:11 am

    Or trains.

  102. CriticalQuit on April 17th, 2011 11:12 am

    Gaben is DOMINATING Bacon

  103. Deep Thought on April 17th, 2011 12:20 pm

    Wait… no submissions for a couple of days.

    What happened to Shawn?
    *Cutaway to Shawn in the Valve Enrichment Center testing Gaben's new feeding troughs*
    Shawn: No more! No more! I can't eat another bite!
    Gaben: So you aren't going to break into Valve again?

  104. Naxts_The_Demon on April 17th, 2011 12:21 pm

    Ya know. This actually got me curious. I went ahead and translated the name of every pony and translated it from English to Japanese to English again.
    Here I present to you the Japanese name of every Pony.

    Twilight Sparkle = Towairaitosupakuru (What the hell?)
    Applejack = Apple Jack (I guess the space makes a difference)
    Rainbow Dash stays the same
    Fluttershy = Flutter Shy
    Rarity = Scarcity (LOL WAT)

    As entertaining as that was, I still wasn't satisfied with just the Japanese names. So I used the Bad Translator to see the name of everypony in every language.

    "Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rarity, Rainbow Dash"

    …56 translations later we get:

    "The next morning, when the "Welcome" fluttershi. Pink stripes bed."

    Uhh…..

  105. Leo E. on April 17th, 2011 2:28 pm

    With this still up as the top picture, I feel the need to mention that this man has the same first name, last initial, and Valve obsession as a friend of mine. But I know it's not my friend due to the coherent spelling and grammar.

  106. Zyquux on April 18th, 2011 1:56 am

    Or buzzsaws.

  107. Citrovc4 on April 18th, 2011 2:36 am

    And then after the burgler is cought Gabe goes back to his pool

    <img src="http://scarsofwargame.com/DevBlog/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/Gabe1.jpg"&gt;

  108. Funkalicous on April 18th, 2011 10:02 am

    They're not just banging rocks over there at Aperture Science. They know how to make a quantum space hole.

  109. dope92 on April 18th, 2011 11:53 am

    now that some turrets are in use

    we need the gun..

    robots? do it!

  110. SonicsmyName on April 18th, 2011 3:40 pm

    "… and I said: Translator, are you CRAZ…Oh…"

  111. Uzumakiclan43 on April 18th, 2011 6:32 pm
  112. 1avidgamer on April 21st, 2011 2:21 am

    "Pink stripes bed"

    Kinky.

  113. coolsnape on April 22nd, 2011 9:48 am

    WHAT COSTUMER SERVICE FROM GABEN ITS NOT POSSIBLE

  114. sisseltheundeadcat on April 23rd, 2011 1:03 am

    you didn't stop. YOU"RE SUPPOSED TO STOP BEFORE HAMMER TIME!!!!

  115. deathbychickens on May 3rd, 2011 11:32 pm

    challenge accepted

  116. straYDoubter on July 25th, 2011 6:51 pm

    Or spectral beings (and their brother) with a grudge against anybody who brandishes weapons.

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