Blasphemy! Pokéscience has no room for your radical theories on “natural selection!”
All Pokemon were created by a single almighty being! (…Nintendo)
By Santo76 and Bio-bot 9000
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Posted by Shawn Handyside on January 20, 2011 · 9:41 AM
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Categories: Artistic, Nintendo, No Caption Needed, Pokémon, Retro, Science/Math, Strike A Pose · Leave a comment (159 Comments) |
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Email your video game related LOLZ to and if it's good we'll post it!
Did you know the site has over 2,500 video game themed lolz? 
If only hitting animals with rocks made them evolve in real life.
For Darwin, cock fighting just wasn't enough…
Where is your Satoshi Tajiri now?
Yes but does he remember the name of his grandson?
Omastar, Blastoise, Cloyster, Exeggcute and Togepi shells.
Horsea and Seadra in jars.
Stuffed Pikachu, Parasect, Pidgeotto, and Pidgeot.
Charmander, Charmeleon, and Charizard skulls.
A map of Kanto AND a setch of the S.S. Anne.
11 books.
Some weird… light thingy…..
And an ink bottle.
He's got 99 items.
But a Dex aint one.
Only Gen I?
imokaywiththis.jpg
HERESY! >=C
It was the first step in the study of Pokemon.
If natural selection theory was true, Magikarps wouldn't exist.
You can assist evolution if you have enough rocks.
Unnatural selection we call that.
What?
MAGIKARP is evolving!
Press B to cancel.
6.5 Millions years later, MAGIKARP evolved into GYARADOS!
Psh. It's obvious that the entire Pokemon realm was created by a being with 1000 tenta- I mean, arms >_> <_<
And doesn't forget his grandson's name
How would Darwin explain the existence of MissingNo.?
The original pokemon master?
The Catholic Pokéchurch won't be thrilled with this…
Magikarp are notorious for being unable to die despite their living conditions, and they're capable of using Splash and/or Bounce to jump over a mountain. Some animals survive not because they can kill something, but because they don't die when everything else does.
Although giving one can make it evolve.
HIT ME!
OBJECTION!
Magikarps are extremophiles, they survive in toxic water.
As well as this, there is the fact that everyone is nice to magikarps so they don't kill them when they evolve.
Genetic manipulation done by old men.
Why so closed minded?
Sorry I don't really see your point in "being nice to someone" when it comes to survival of the fittest. I can't really see Pidgeotto saying to Makigarp: "You know I'm really hungry and I have like 5 kids to feed but I guess I'm gonna try to catch that Goldeen over there instead of you, even thou she has like this big shiny horn that can kill me with one hit, and you are just splashing over here helplessly and can't do anything to me, because you're such a nice guy".
Wotter survives because it's so ugly nothing wants to eat it.
Darwin wouldn't. Einstein, however, would claim it's a rip in the space-time continuum, thus explaining it's capability to cause the universe to distort in horrifying ways.
First Arceus, now this?
We at the Catholic Pokechurch are not happy with these heresies being tossed about involving a "god" pokemon, or that pokemon evolved from other pokemon, or that Jesus was, in fact, a Mr. Mime.
You know that picture of that Ape with Darwin's head on it?
That's his pre-evolved form.
I see what you did there.
And send 10 years olds to capture evry species in the world.
*looks a little closer*
Togepi is found with Exeggcute? THIS IS MIND-BLOWING!
History in my Pokemon???
Oh wait… Legendary Pokemons do have history…
Nevermind.
POKEGRAMMAR HAMMER
*Exeggcute
While using that time to "meet" his neighbours
BONK
Because R/B/Y was back before Gamefreak and Nintendo figured out the secret formula. The formula?
1. Get DERP (x1)
2. Use until fans complain
3. ???
4. PROFIT
And doesn't give you some piece of paper when you caught them all.
If in the Pokemon universe, the animal kingdom is replaced completely by Pokemon, then what are humans?
…
Thanks, Darwin.
Flying tentacle monster?
I think everyone in that cult is a nutter.
kaaaay, now where's the church of saint everstone?
You forgot the sketches of Staryu and Starmie on the desk in front of him.
It then grows a mustache, buys a gun and a pair of sunglasses to become Revolver Oshawott.
It's the flying spaghetti monster of Kanto
Not as ridiculous as the people who believe in the Invisible Pink Rapidash.
Humans are the pokemon, of course!
His final words: "I am not the least afraid to faint."
Wow, I've yet to see ANYONE stick up for Oshawatt, or as he's known here, Wotter. I guess it's me. You say he's ugly, but look at Snivy. He looks like a deformed Treecko fell into the washer and got bleached. And Tepig. A fire-breathing pig. How much sense does that make? Won't he get overcooked? And besides, Wotter evolves into a badass seal with freakin' armor. Tepig turns into a lardo flaming roast, and Snivy turns out to be a snake. A snake! It lost it's arms and legs, and it's absolutely godawful. It's a case of ugly duckling, and with the other 2, its reversed.
Later he gets his hand cut off by Grey Vulpix.
…Get it? Because Vulpix is a fox pokemon? Grey Fox? Ahahaha I'm hilario- *knifed*
Now, now, there's no need for rudeness. Most likely, Mr. Zyquux wrote a correcting reply while Mr. Uzumakiclan43 was correcting himself. Since there is some delay in the magic of the internet, Mr. Zyquux's correction was posted after Mr. Uzumakiclan43's self-correction. So, please, do not instantly assault a gentleman for a minor mistake, that was likely caused by IntenseDebate's own connection. Now, good day.
That jacket he's wearing is pimp status.
Indeed, Sir BasketGT, what you say is the truth. IntenseDebates seems to take at least a half hour for comments/replies to actually post. This oddity has result in at least two awkward moments in recent history.
On a side note, quaker171, you will never get your Gentlemanly attire if you continue to be rude and double post. I bid you, GOOD DAY SIR!
Dear sir, in Halolz, the "Grammer hammer" is usually an indication that a word has been misspelled, though not actually intended to change to word.
Scientific progress goes BOINK?
If thats true then… Idea!
GARY OAK wants to fight!
*throw masterball*
Congratulations! Wild GARY has been caught!
Give nickname to GARY?
Yes
"SHTBLLZ"
Oh god…I've now imagined an Exeggutor with 4 Togekiss(s?) grown halfway out of it. Need eye bleach!
Togepi was actually Gen2, despite the show. (Was being used to lead in that there were more pokemon)
…So I guess my point is… U mad?
Edit: Oh and you get +1's, I want link in a top hat and monocle!
Obviously, which is why they let you name your Gary at the start of the game.
Finally, someone who can offer theories about what pokemon life was like over 9000 years ago. Were all pokemon made of rocks? What did they eat before pokemon food became readily availible? Surely the occasional berry plant was not enough. Did trainers throw cave balls? Who was the first person to discover flamethrower? So many questions, so little time.
But…but…its so shiny….
Nonsense. Nothing is unnatural if it can happen. If anything plausible factors of mental thinking and bodily development are entirely natural if they can occur. As in, "its natural for nature to eff up and produce Psyducks and Slowpokes and Magikarps."
*Pulls out knife from your back* AHEM. Did everyone forget the show? Short of deep-frying it, Magikarp actually has rock-hard scales that Meowth broke his teeth on.
He's in the right habitat to NOT get his ass eaten by Charizard….and unless Hyper Beam works properly underwater, I don't think Magikarp is worth the effort.
>.>
<.<
GRAY FAWX! *Codec Call*
His expeditions in the Orange Islands are quite famous…
…OR…
Looks like he caught 'em all,
for SCIENCE!
He's too busy being ON A BOAT!!!
he gives you a whole book instead
<img src="http://www.halolz.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/halolz-dot-com-supermariobros-miyamoto-thecreationofmario.jpg" alt="" width="500" height="337" />
You also forgot the pins on his jacket, (around the collar) which are the Kanto gym badges.
He also appears to be missing one. It's hard to tell, but I think it's the Rainbow Badge.
As spokesman for Smuglord, who is too high and mighty to speak with the likes of you, he sneers at your lack of Pokemon knowledge, as he retains two functioning arms. He would slap you to prove his point, but he feels it would sully his hands, and he has much more important business to attend to (to be specific, a particular teenage female trainer, but that is none of your business!). Good day, sir!
Flying tentacle monster arent that hard to imagine. I mean, just look and Tentacool/Tentacruel. Or Omanyte/Omastar.
That's grandson. Remember the SS Anne?
Sorry for the double post, but it is refusing to let me edit my previous response.
Evidence: <img src="http://th00.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/f/2010/336/b/4/unova_starter_secrets_by_raizy-d341yt7.png" alt="Smuglord">
credit goes to Raizy of Slightly Damned fame.
Then the Togepis evolved into Togetics, then into Togekiss-s…..
Dude, can i borrow some eye bleach?
Sorry. You would need something better than a masterball to catch Gary Oak. As to what you may need, I can only speculate.
But only after he's died :(
Don't you remember the one episode with Giant stone pokeballs that ancient civilizations use to use? That, and the one movie where the guy had a screw top pokeball.
How can he expect to get ANY information from his specimens? He has no Pokèdex!
Darwin has proven through one picture that he is much better at the study of pokemon than Prof. Oak.
VERY old men
Now I am imagining a Togekiss having sex with an Exeggutor. *Why* do I keep doing that?
(Cookie for anyone who gets that reference.)
He's got a piece of paper.
Scratch that…
MANY pieces of paper to write on (it's not like he's going to give it to you anytime soon…)
I think this is in order gentlemen: http://eyebleach.com/
The Flying Tangela Monster???
"SHTBLLZ"!?!?!?
Mah new pokemanz' name is "SHTBLLZ"!?!?!?!?
that's actually very cleaver. I would never of thought up Darwin theory of evolution with pokemon.
oh and shawn, the pokemon world does have natural selection. just look at kabuto and the rareness factor.
actually in the past they were very strong that's official too
All Pokemon were created by a single almighty being! (…Creatures)
fixed.
This man is out of his mind!
He believes that we evolve from Primapes and Infernapes!
Why that would make humans violent, easily agrivated savages who tend to fight with their fist and use fire to defeat their enemys!
…
wait…
I was actually referring to Arceus, but that's cool, too…
Well, there is the one day where you dress up as a member of Team Aqua…
Are you an evolutionist or a creationist?
The skulls are all around the same size, so either this particular fire pokemon had dwarfism or had a really small head throughout it's life
Yugioh The Abridged Series: Season Zero. Yugi says soemthing to that effect after explaining where Ushio's eyebrows evolved from. Chocolate Chip, please.
So missigNo. is god of time and space and not palkia/dialga/arceus? makes sense to me.
Trade it to troll somebody! they can't rename it hahahaha.
Did somebody say, "MOUNTAIN"?!?!?!?
I've been meaning to link to this for a long while.
http://kasek.deviantart.com/art/Oshawott-DEAL-WIT…
I wish I could embed Flash in these posts. Ah well.
Okay, you get sugar. Just out of chocolate chips.
A lot cooler looking than the horrors some people create.
I thought the artwork looked familiar. Did not see the "Death" plot twist coming.
AuraMaster used GRAMMAR SPHERE!
*"Grammar Hammer"
You mean Sammy? As in Professor Samuel Oak?
The word wasn't wrong. CASE CLOSED!
There was actually a screw up with my computer, and the double-post was an accidental action brought on by my laptop not registering the fact that I had posted, and thus, bringing me to post again, albeit in a simpler form.
Who are these people, and if you meet one, ask them how it can be pink AND invisible? Does it stay invisible, or choose who sees it, or simply alternate?
Seeing as it's Gary Motherfucking Oak, he would probably require a MasturbatorBall.
Damn, he's old…
Who? Arceus? Or Gary Oak?
Yes, but I was afraid of admitting I'd actually seen those movies >_> <_<
But, what good are hands without arms? You've seen how that can effect pokemon, such as Rampardos.
P.S. Can't help but point out the mention of badassery in Daikenki's portion.
Also, I made NO mention of his hands, only his ARMS, as in those long things between your shoulders and wrists.
That, however, is HORRENDOUS!
No. I may have said FOUNTAIN, or even MOUNTIN', as in "Is Prof. Oak MOUNTIN' Ethan's mother? But nobody said MOUNTAIN. Until now.
REJECTION!
He's on a mountain, of course!
OBJECTION! Your picture is of Gary Oak! Therefor you CANNOT be out of chocolate!
Wow…looks like Oak needs his grandson with him now!
Hey, there's no shame in seeing movies from one of the greatest franchises of all time! OF ALL TIME!
HOLD IT! What if, due to Gary Oak's personality, I ate them all before giving them out?
(Edit: Wow! My first comment with over 10 replies!)
(Replying to Giroro91)
inb4 A MISERABLE PILE OF SECRETS!
*sigh* I don't want to do this, but… If you REALLY want proof… simply google image search the both of them, and look at which one is the other's… yeah, i'm gonna leave it at that now. I've been scarred enough >_<
AND SCREW YOU INTENSE DEBATE! STOP LIMITING ME FROM REPLYING PAST CERTAIN LEVELS XD
or climbing a mountain…
Anyone else having troubles commenting?
I've replied to some, but they've shown up on others halfway up/down the page,
and replies to comments aren't showing up 100% either.
You know that only further proves my theory because evolution doesn't work BACKWARDS.
Erectin' a plus one dispenser. Good show.
I love realism, don't you?
ROFLMAO and the holy ghost was a gengar?
At least its better than AAAAAAAAA.
._.
This is the internet. If you're not here to humiliate yourself, what are you here FOR?
(Btw, me and some friends once used an afternoon to watch EVERY SINGLE POKEMON MOVIE. AT ONCE. And it was AWESOME!)
Yeah you're not alone with this. One of my responses to someone's comment still didn't show up -- a week after being posted. I guess it's gonna be lost forever, visible only on my profile :,(
INTENSEDEBATE WHY DO YOU HATE US SO MUCH?
All lies made by the PokeMasons and the Mormon Pokechurch to destroy our mission of salvation.
And no, the Spiritus Sancti was not a Gengar… (because everyone knows that Gengars are demons from Hell.)
YOU STEAL POKEMON'S SOULS AND MAKE THEM YOUR SLAVES.
I don't see what you're getting at… You got a link to it or sumthin?
You CANNOT eat them all, as you would ALWAYS have at least 1 more, such as when you had 10 badges, Therefore, it would be IMPOSSIBLE to run out, though trying would turn you into what appeared to be a Snorlax!
Can't help but notice how prominent Samus's ass is…
To humiliate others!
I've been experiencing technical difficulties regarding my Magnezone and his tendency to direct his magneticness directly into the system…
I'm pretty sure posting of actual Rule 34 on Halolz is frowned upon, sir.
Also, this has gotten waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay off track now. Could we please move to something that doesn't bring up disturbing memories?
Do you open the door?
>yes
You've been eaten by a Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal.
Congratulations!
Here is your Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster and a bonus trip to the Restaurant at the End of the Universe!
Hmmm… what about Kirby? Kirby's always nice, right?
<img src="http://images.encyclopediadramatica.com/images/thumb/f/f2/Trollface_More_HD.png/657px-Trollface_More_HD.png" alt="Trollface"/>
Oooooooow my brain >_< … but damn that was good.
I meant I can't find what you're talking about, dude. Not that I WANT to see it, but… I have curiosity…
Safe search. 'nough said.
Oshawatt, Wotter, same thing. I say he's ugly, but he just needs to survive long enough to reach the Futachimaru stage, which is facilitated by being ugly. Upon evolving, he takes his revenge on those who wronged him.
effin Magnezones, how do they work?
sooo… misdrevius? (spelling)
Are you using derp as an acronym, or are you using DERP to describe a franchise?
Because either way, you make a good point. Still, the later games are still fun.
And admit it, you still buy them. You're the crackwhore to nintendo's game-pimp.
Haaaaaaa!
aah, i think you misunderstood.
magikarps evolve into gyrados.
when i said that everyone is nice to magikarps so they don't kill them when they evolve. i meant when the magikarps that the pokemon in question didnt slaughter evolve, they would go out looking for vengeance.
this method obviously leads to survival of the fittest causing the earlier evolving magikarps to pass on their genes, and this is why today magikarps evolve at such a low level!
Well played.
http://www.halolz.com/2010/02/08/musclekarp/#idc-…
TELL ME IT'S NOT NATURAL
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TELL ME ITS NOT NATURAL
I prefer to see Tepig as self-cooking bacon
Pfft, if the ball could even handle his girth
…ffffffffff-
A Heavy-masturbator ball!
safe search? screw safe search! Only bank robbers use safe search!
i think they just get warped during the lvl up while in range of a separate magnet… ow, my brain
Try this one: HG/SS, take one onto the magnet train.
Jumps to cutscene:
New's headline… (*read by newscaster)
"and amongst the many dead in the magnet train disaster was the up-and-coming pokemon trainer from NewBark Town _____(insert name here)…"
I can just see the magnet train, covered in blood, wrecked on Route 32, crawling with the Magnemite evolution family…
DOUBLE FAIL.
It only takes one,
and they're genderless.
Maybe the government set it up as a habitat for them?
B! B! B!