What, that’s it? Don’t I get a medal or a plaque or a gift card to the Celadon Department Store or something? I did horrible things to complete my Pokedex!
Horrible, UNSPEAKABLE THINGS.
By Merlin B.
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Posted by Shawn Handyside on January 11, 2011 · 10:02 AM
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Categories: Achievement Unlocked, Advice Meme, Depressing, Irony, Nintendo, Pokémon · Leave a comment (140 Comments) |
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Email your video game related LOLZ to and if it's good we'll post it!
Did you know the site has over 2,500 video game themed lolz? 
It looks like this reward…
*glasses*
…didn't CATCH his approval!
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
But this piece of paper is critically important for you. Without it, Missingno. can't learn HM06 Bash that you get by defeating the Elite Four 151 times and can't move the firetruck to get Mew!
I sure hope this makes up for all the children's dreams I smashed by stealing their beloved pokemon.
BUT BUT, if you show that piece of paper to a Game Freak employee, he'll reward you with an exclusive never-before-seen ultra-spectacular-rare Pokémon!
Also, for Generation IV players:
<img src="http://images1.memegenerator.net/ImageMacro/5130746/Captured-all-150-Pokmon-for-your-Sinnoh-Pokdex-Heres-a-National-Pokdex-go-catch-482-more-Pokmon-for-.jpg?imageSize=Large&generatorName=Professor-Oak" border="no" />
Oh, YEAH? Well, THIS is what I think of your stupid piece of paper!
*Struggles to tear it*
Darn. Laminated.
Well done, you caught every single Pokémon.
Have a piece of paper.
<img src="http://newlifenewjob.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/toilet-roll.jpg"/>
Oh sure, I suppose this paper's a suitable reward for HOURS OF BACKBREAKING LABOR. Sleepless nights, scurvy, vicious stinging Bug types. No, but this paper's good.
"I did horrible things to complete my Pokedex! Horrible, UNSPEAKABLE THINGS."
Damn right we did. I still don't believe how on earth my Skitty could withstand Wailord's immense and throbbing wrath.
I have nothing to say except, "Like Grandpa like grandson"
THEY'RE BOTH JERKS
But if you caught every pokemon, wouldn't that include Mew?
…Can't have the whole roll? I really need to go…
Assuming you chose those genders… now to flip them around.
And by wrath you mean..?
F**k the truck, Teleporting away from battle is much easier. :U
EDIT: (If noone gets this, I WILL have to eviscerate someone!)
Red: "I came down from my mountain for THIS!?"
Who knows, the paper might have a written consent that says Oak will never move closer than 15 yards to you mom.
oh hey look over there! 100-something new pokemon! I'll be taking that paper back now…
well, shit…
Great job, you caught every single pokémon! Have this piece of paper.
*10 minutes later*
Well, you know that piece of paper I gave you? Give it back to me. We just discorever other 498 new pokémon species. Gotta catch 'em all!
Ugh its like my High School Graduation all over again.
Wait, you mean that we've been living in isolation from the rest of the world and you choose NOW to tell me about it?
Who needs interns… when there's 10 year old kids willing to do the work for free!
Crap, already did…
That too.
*waits for Red to respond about how much he loves mountains*
I think he means penis
Now onward to college!!!
Pff. Yeah right. Where? There are no bathrooms in the world of Pokémon.
Fuck that. Mew can transform into all pokemon. DONE & DONE.
Of course there's always a problem with Pokemon that can transform into anything…
<img src="http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f278/katietiedrich/comic168.png" alt="What a Catch"/>
Child labor and child endangerment laws are so relaxed in the world of pokemon.
Hey, it's not so bad, starting Gen III they also give you a golden star. :'D…. *Breaks into tears*
Horrible, Unspeakable things…The horrified stares of Nurse Joy…the tears in Gary's eyes…no one entered Mt Silver after that…
Sometimes, when I'm asleep, I can still hear the beeping…
<img src="http://emotibot.net/pix/439.jpg">
You don't wanna know…
damn, already crapped
"Honey, Waily, hold up for a minute. My feet can't reach the ground"
A more rewarding reward?
Let me guess, TWO pieces of paper?
Ha catch em' all huh. Yeah right I'll just catch this magnificent bastard.
http://a.imagehost.org/0238/Tentaquil_Fanart.png
/just as planned face
All true villains laminate their valuable documents.
Nope! Minimum wage jobs for life is the route I'm going! Somebody has to work at the pokemarts right?
Have A Charizard
Try To Tear Paper With Hands
Red: "SON. OF. A. BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII"
*Gary Motherfuckin Oak strolls in with all 649 of them.*
Gary Oak: U Mad?
So you catch all 151 pokemon, and yet somehow, there has not been one sighted discovery and report from ANY of the other regions to Professor Oak about the other 498 OTHER species that are clearly integrated into other peoples lives and communities?
….Is Professor Oak REALLY a Professor or does he just wear the coat to get chicks?
But don't worry, you get a full time job and a piece of paper from that
Your Eevee has five different evolutionary forms
You're stuck with one of them
Correction: the world IS your bathroom.
Yes, if you include the one I'm going to give you as well as the one you already have. Do you feel rewarded yet?
*tick tock tick tock*
Ditto's are a fine… "breed". *nudge nudge wink wink*
I would say the world may never know, but sadly, we do.
Oh my.
*pat pat* There there.
A book?
NO! MY PRECIOUS! I MUST HAS IT! *frantically grabs for the sheet* *sob*
… That hurt me.
Hard. Like a ROCK.
(Just kidding Iloveyouguys :'D)
Yeah, finding a job is hard. I'm now currently working at the Celadon Department Store. I tried to get in to med school, but I didn't get in because I wasn't a woman named Joy.
THANKS PROFESSOR! rel="nofollow"> rel="nofollow">…
They're also the best people in the whole franchise.
Is it just me, or is YouTube down for everyone else?
Beat the Champion, get enshrined for all time. Spend countless hours catching every Pokemon, get a piece of paper.
I think Prof. Oak needs to take a page out of the Pokemon League's playbook.
Where the heck is he? I'm guessing you don't get good coverage on top of mountains…
Trainer: All right! I caught all the Pokemon!
Oak: Well done! Here's the reward for your trouble. *gives a piece of paper*
Trainer: …FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU~!
Can't unsee…!
Problem, Red?
That too.
Especially if someone steals your fire. Cookie for anyone gets that reference.
Just like the old days.
I thought when i first played platinum i would get a starter from gen. I, II, or III. I was wrong. OH, SO HORRIBLY WRONG!
YEAH!
*looks at second semester bill*
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!
At the expense of nearly all of your funds and practically an arm & a leg. Good luck though!!!
Tuition + the expense of books + food + (If for some reason you have a deeper wallet) Dorm room expenses = DEATH & TAXES
Oh, and then there's LAW SCHOOL!!! >:D
FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU--
We'll tell you when you're older kid, trust me on this…
Yeah, but you can't really breed them in the original game. So you're still stuck with one eveelution.
So, what if he transformed into a ditto?
TP?!? Had I known that I'd have named myself (refer to avatar if needed) "Cornholio"
*sees Dimomarg's post*
That's because it's two-ply
HERE I AM!!! Sorry lads, some guy named Gold showed up and challenged me to a battle.
*Sighs*
Silly trainers and their weak second gens…
(also +1s to you all!)
Also;
You took the words right out of my mouth!!!
I have my methods!
Also, for future reference, I'm only around after about 4 PM EST. It takes time to hike down a mountain you know!
BTW, look down. Its around +6 right now
That's not sludge in Celadon City,
sorry
He's a motherf--king Oak. Does he NEED the coat?
My guess is he uses the Poké-quivalent of AOL; therefore, his list of 'great new discoveries!' is outdated by at least 6 2/3 years.
Does he update his Pokedexes (or w/e the fuck the plural is) with software off a mass-mailed CD-ROM?
Well done on continuing to use this stupid meme.
Nah, he uses floppy discs.
That's probably what he gives you!
Oh, so he's from the Telnet days. That explains why he's so out of touch.
MINDFUCKING BLOWN
You could try getting bigger boobs. That always works. ALWAYS.
Pi… Pikachu? ;__;
Of course you do! You're motherfuckin' Red!
It's a paper made from SCEPTILE LEAVES! *MUAHAHAHA*
Poor trainers, fighting the impossible goal of obtaining all the pokemon.
It's called "Deposit into box, change box, turn game off while saving"
Or something like that.
They also have GIRTH you cannot POSSIBLY ignore!
Oh hey, I remember that one :D
It was a popular rumor in my school around 4th grade, and I happily remember being one of the first to try it. AND SUCCEED! Lvl 100's ahoy!
OBJECTION!
There are seven.
not originally just flareon, vaporeon, jolteon, espeon, and umbreon
Catch all the Pokemon, get a piece of paper. Meanwhile, guess who also caught all the Pokemon and got every lady ever?
Gary Motherfucking Oak.
You spent 6 years of your life studying Engineering.
Have a piece of paper.
{To avoid confusion: This is not a self-reference}
Oak: That piece of paper is a list of the next generation of pokemon.
Hey, that's not all you get! You get a star sticker, too! And if you have 5 of those, you get premium treatment at the Pokemon Center. You know what that means…
at least this paper has a use
OBJ-
Oh fuck it, I can't think of a valid point
Exactly. Consider yourself lucky I included Espeon and Umbreon. After that, I didn't care how many there were. I'm too old for this $#!t
"…IIIIIIIIDDDOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFFFF"
Lolz,
I took my words right out of your mouth right out of my mouth!
You get more stars for being well behaved at the Trainer's School
Nice avatar Cookino. Looking good (lolz)
ZING
Well played, Red. I give you a +1 and a new mountain to stand on.
When I graduated in December they handed me a rolled up piece of paper saying my diploma will be mailed to me in 6-8 weeks.
ALTERNATE WORDING
Oh, YEAH? Well, THIS is what I think of your stupid piece of paper!
*sets it down on desk*
It's very bland, and I do not much care for it.
How many papers do you get in the pokemon world? That stuff is rare!
I remember having a mew, alakazam and gengar, all lvl 100 (thanks missingno)
(I think I traded a ratatta for the mew)
I lost the cartridge (it was blue version)
my yellow version glitched out whenever I went to the PKMN screen, so I've started it over and the problem is solved.
Green version is just in japanese
Silver's internal battery died, so I can't play it anymore
Aside from this, nothing's gone wrong with my games,
and I wasn't referring to the cloning method…
It only took 3 years atop a mountain to figure it out
Can I spare some squares???
No, I kind of need them right now… at Gary's house…
*runs off to TP the Oak residence
"Mah Boi! All true villians strive for laminated documents"
To quote the wise King H.
That's my cell phone, looking for a signal, yeah, sorry
Aha! Team Rocket, so we meet again!
They don't toss your Pokemon into an incinerator and replace them with clones?
Gary (Motherfucking) Oak doesn't show up two steps away from the front door?
I HAVE TO KNOW
caught it. released it. fourth pokemon I caught.
It's rather rare, and so you may just catch the one I had,
NOTE: do not feed it yellow jelly beans. That poor Nurse Joy found out the hard way
*rips
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
IN OTHER WORDS………….
they say your Name, and ask if you want "the usual."
…it was totally worth catching all 493 (at the time) to find that out. -_-'
*Cartoon image of Mt. Sliver (indicated as so by an old wooden sign)
…
Bigger mountain drops down onto it, wiping it from the face of the earth
Splash of red paint, and the sign now reads Mt. RED!!!*
Nintendo CEO: "Alright, Pokemon has been officially released! So tell me, just so I don't have to waste time playing through the whole thing, what do you get when you finally catch all the pokemon?"
Satoshi Tajiri: "…FFFFUUUUUUUUCK…I KNEW we forgot something! GODDAMMIT…"
If you beat the metagame to that degree I guess you do have some time on your hands.
*Is boo'd off web*
As proven elsewhere, you can just buy labcoats. Oak could just be a crazy old man sending 10 year olds out in the wilderness to get mauled by dangerous birds, bugs and gods.
He fucking loves mountains.
I do, and you should see my house atop the mountain!
alas, I am not able to take a screenshot of it.
that includes justin bieber, right? Because even Catholic Priests don't want anything to do with it (bieber).
No offense intended to Catholic Priests…
random family guy references, eh? Well two can play at that game! Wait… uh… nope, only one can play at that game. Damn.
OMG is that why my grimer had a TM on it?
LIAR! RED FTW!
OMG IS THAT HOW GARY GOT GIGADRIO? Damn prof. prolly just gave him the goddamn piece of paper… damn oaks
Classic original glitch reference. I just saved u all. Am i rly the only 1 who did this?
8D!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
bow chicka wow wow DX
Ok, its time for me to be a nerd! Before the initial release, after removing beta data(epic rhyme), it was found that there was room for one more pkmn…MEW. If the prize were remembered, mew never would've existed… it's better to get paper, dontcha think?
No, but it's how grimer got there in the first place…
Well, first of all, I was making a joke. Secondly, I don't recall any way to legitimately attain Mew in the first generation games, outside of some Nintendo event that not everyone could've gone to. So to anyone like me who never had mommy and daddy's credit card number to fly to Japan or wherever said event might've been held, Mew pretty much didn't exist in my red version, so the coding for Mew was just wasted space without the event. To me, (dare I say, to anyone for that matter) Mew itself or the chance to catch Mew should've been the prize. Something more than a damn piece of paper, at least. Why not put something worthwhile in the free coding that everyone could've enjoyed? Maybe a hot girlfriend, or your mom buying you a house, or a gun to kill Gary Motherfucking Oak…?
when i got MY piece of paper my reaction was this*eye twitches* *brings out Lugia* me: KILL HIM!! then i joined team galactic and took over the world with my legendary Pokemon
i cant believe my vineasaur or however you spell it survived articunos ice beam of doom