SMASH THE MONKEY FOR MOTHER RUSSIA

Come comrade, we must liberate woman from the oppressive grip of capitalist ape!
Now quit your… Stalin!

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Posted by Shawn Handyside on March 20, 2010 · 11:26 AM 
FAILLAMENOT BADPRETTY GOODAWESOME (404 votes, average: 4.77 out of 5)
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Categories:
Artistic, Donkey Kong, Foreign Object, Nintendo, Retro, Stop... Hammer Time, Wild Animals

· Leave a comment (130 Comments)





 

130 Responses to “SMASH THE MONKEY FOR MOTHER RUSSIA”

  1. Dracojounin7 on March 20th, 2010 3:31 pm

    I will be Lenin a hand, I suppose. Too bad the enemy is using gorilla warfare…

  2. Tenck on March 20th, 2010 3:32 pm

    You may think we need to quit Stalin, but…there isn't really any point in RUSSIAN it either!

    ICOULDHAVEMADETHISACSIYEEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHH!

  3. MrRaccoon on March 20th, 2010 3:38 pm

    You tiny plumber! Is funny to me! With your baby hammers!

  4. Zabrio on March 20th, 2010 3:42 pm

    "I've got the hammer. Go find me a sickle."

  5. dimomarg on March 20th, 2010 3:52 pm

    In soviet russia, ape smashes human.

  6. TehVortex on March 20th, 2010 4:17 pm

    STOP! HAMMER TIME!

  7. meinmattias on March 20th, 2010 4:33 pm

    He's a true Marx-man.

  8. Leo058 on March 20th, 2010 4:40 pm

    In Soviet Russia, this joke isn't overused.

  9. Hareoic on March 20th, 2010 4:40 pm

    "Smash the monkey"? Is that what they're calling it these days?

  10. Leo058 on March 20th, 2010 4:40 pm
  11. Leo058 on March 20th, 2010 4:41 pm

    Puns… too… much…
    *headsplode*

  12. ZombieGoatse on March 20th, 2010 4:46 pm

    My Barrels, they are filled with Soviet Steel!!

  13. ZombieGoatse on March 20th, 2010 4:47 pm

    In Communist Russia, things are not so much fun.

  14. ZombieGoatse on March 20th, 2010 4:48 pm

    I think " Do a Barrel Roll! " Fits in here somewhere. . .

  15. ZombieGoatse on March 20th, 2010 4:48 pm

    Among other things.

  16. meinmattias on March 20th, 2010 4:49 pm

    Do it for sandvich!

  17. ZombieGoatse on March 20th, 2010 4:49 pm

    Lets get this Battle. . . Rolling.

  18. Leo058 on March 20th, 2010 4:49 pm

    I mean, I have no problem with the joke, but c'mon… pick your spots.

  19. Leo E. on March 20th, 2010 12:50 pm

    Donkey Kong doesn't do barrel rolls… he makes barrels roll!

  20. ArmyOfMidgets on March 20th, 2010 4:58 pm

    SMASH THE MONKEY

    RAPE THE PRINCESS

  21. Leo058 on March 20th, 2010 5:05 pm

    WHO SENDS ALL THESE PLUMBERS TO FIGHT?!

  22. MasterLuigi452 on March 20th, 2010 5:25 pm

    I'm on your building, recreating the classics!

  23. Alpar on March 20th, 2010 5:26 pm

    I thought a rabbit from space invented barrel rolls?

  24. Alpar on March 20th, 2010 5:28 pm

    Or better yet, smash the monkey, AND the princess.
    http://www.halolz.com/2009/10/19/video-mortal-kom

    And possibly rape the dead bodies afterwards.

  25. Alpar on March 20th, 2010 5:28 pm

    JUMP SOME MOAAAAAAAAAAAR!

  26. Alpar on March 20th, 2010 5:30 pm

    Oh no, please don't beat my random monkey boyfriend with your giant Russian hammers of deaaath!

  27. TheAceOfSkulls on March 20th, 2010 6:08 pm

    Atleast it wasn't me hammering it in this time. I guess I must be sick. I'll try to get… Wait a second…

  28. TheAceOfSkulls on March 20th, 2010 2:09 pm

    Maybe in your country. In Soviet Russia, barrel rolls make Donkey Kong!

  29. TheAceOfSkulls on March 20th, 2010 6:10 pm

    Yeah, I could name…
    Dear God… You've changed your name…

  30. ZombieGoatse on March 20th, 2010 6:14 pm

    -Hugs Ace-
    It's o.k.
    You only made one Pun.
    But at least it was
    . . .
    Punny!
    :8D

  31. ZombieGoatse on March 20th, 2010 6:15 pm

    Took you lot a while to notice.
    ;D

  32. Warlord Senax on March 20th, 2010 6:15 pm

    I love this, because I'm russian.

  33. combatbeaver on March 20th, 2010 6:26 pm

    i am heavy donkey kong….and THIS is my barrel!

  34. TCC on March 20th, 2010 6:28 pm

    I love this, because I'm a nerd.

  35. TCC on March 20th, 2010 6:30 pm

    that was… that was just terrible… -_-

  36. ZombieGoatse on March 20th, 2010 6:30 pm

    Oh no.
    WHO TOUCHED MY BARRELS!!??

  37. A_R_ on March 20th, 2010 7:28 pm

    It costs $400.000 dollars to roll this barrel… for [u]twelve seconds[/u]!

    Some people think they can outsmart me… Maybe *sniff*, maybe…
    But i have yet to see one man, who can outsmart a [u]barrel roll[/u]!

  38. EphEphEcksIII on March 20th, 2010 8:08 pm

    Pft the barrels are nuthin', Now those springs that's the true danger lies.

  39. BurnoutSpartan on March 20th, 2010 4:28 pm

    In soviet russia barrel jump you!

  40. TheAceOfSkulls on March 20th, 2010 8:50 pm

    That's because of the normal misspelling… but that… that is just wrong. I'm having to fight back the mental image because I know if I don't I'll go into a coma and never come out.

  41. Kevvo on March 20th, 2010 9:02 pm

    Cover me, when I run.
    Cover me, while I jump

    A trapped princess at the top of the screen
    God i'm on my knees, cover me.
    Die in peace.
    Hey!

    Monkey, monkey, monkey.
    Don't you know you gotta, smash the monkey.
    Hey, hey!

    Fox the fox.
    (I can't let you do that).
    You can ape the ape.
    I know about that.
    There is one thing you must be sure of,
    I can't take anymore.
    Peachy, don't you monkey with the monkey.
    Hey!

    Monkey, monkey, monkey.
    Don't you know you gotta, smash the monkey.
    Hey! Hey!
    Smash the monkey! Hey!
    Monkey!
    1Ups keep turning.
    Monkey!
    Fire flower's burning.
    DK don't like it but I guess I'm learning.
    Smash! Smash Smash! Smash!
    Watch the monkey get hurt, monkey.

    Cover me, while I run.
    Cover me, when I jump.
    You throw your turtleshells perfectly timed,
    Make the monkey blind.
    Cover me, darling please.
    Hey!
    Monkey!
    Too much at stake.
    Monkey!
    Barrels make the ground shake.
    Monkey! And the news is breaking.

    target="_blank">

  42. ZombieGoatse on March 20th, 2010 10:06 pm

    Nah. I just got bored.

  43. Fawful on March 20th, 2010 10:27 pm

    SO MUCH OIL!

  44. EggOnMaxx on March 20th, 2010 10:31 pm

    Well, at the very least he isn't hiding in the Bush.

  45. EggOnMaxx on March 20th, 2010 10:32 pm

    No it's a hare, world of difference. One of them eats carrots and the other one is a genius who reminds you to use bombs wisely! Or mobs, if you're an AI director of course.

  46. EggOnMaxx on March 20th, 2010 10:33 pm

    They see it rolling, they hating…

  47. EggOnMaxx on March 20th, 2010 10:34 pm

    It's because none of them used their bombs wisely!

  48. EggOnMaxx on March 20th, 2010 10:34 pm

    I like turtles.

  49. AuraMaster on March 20th, 2010 10:34 pm

    Your joke was right on the Marx.

  50. EggOnMaxx on March 20th, 2010 10:35 pm

    But everyone has the same sense of humour, so it should be easy to make good jokes, yes?

  51. AuraMaster on March 20th, 2010 10:38 pm

    What happened to the chicken?

    *mental image*

    Bok bok bok BUGAAAAAAAAAAW!
    *BOOM*

  52. AuraMaster on March 20th, 2010 10:40 pm

    OBJECTION!

    Mario, or "Jumpman" was a carpenter in this game.

  53. Vosur on March 20th, 2010 10:42 pm

    Well, spanking it won't do any good.

  54. AuraMaster on March 20th, 2010 6:43 pm

    Hell no; I'm gonna jump over barrels until he gives you up!

  55. AuraMaster on March 20th, 2010 10:45 pm

    Pauline: Screw the rubles, I have a monkey.

  56. EggOnMaxx on March 20th, 2010 10:53 pm

    That means I have scored a Hit-ler

  57. Daifuku on March 20th, 2010 10:58 pm

    HEY!!! I'm not behind ALL of the sick and twisted shit on this site!

    …just most of it >_>

  58. AuraMaster on March 20th, 2010 11:01 pm

    Today's Arwings ain't got the same soul;
    I like that old time barrel roll!

  59. AuraMaster on March 20th, 2010 11:02 pm

    I LIKE CEREAL!

  60. EggOnMaxx on March 20th, 2010 11:03 pm

    Ahhh, but nowadays we have bombs that needn't be used wisely. They can excecute precision destroying of any number of Cuckoos you can possibly throw at them (unless it's over 9000 of course)

  61. EggOnMaxx on March 20th, 2010 11:04 pm

    Randomness Ftw!

  62. Leo058 on March 20th, 2010 11:21 pm

    None of my friends got that joke when he said it.
    Needless to say, I facepalmed.

  63. Xyxoz on March 20th, 2010 11:27 pm

    In Soviet Russia…well, you smash monkey anyway.

  64. Xyxoz on March 20th, 2010 11:28 pm

    GIVE ME YOUR PEANUT BUTTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  65. Leo058 on March 20th, 2010 11:28 pm

    HOLD IT!

    But he is clearly Italian! It is highly possible that "plumber" and "carpenter" are just euphemisms for mobster!

  66. ZombieGoatse on March 20th, 2010 11:31 pm

    You have beautiful ovaries. . .

  67. Alpar on March 20th, 2010 11:34 pm

    Now I really hope he does come up here with a giant Russian hammer of death. That's my one weakness!

  68. Alpar on March 20th, 2010 11:35 pm

    inb4gurrenlagaanreferences

  69. Alpar on March 20th, 2010 11:35 pm

    We've all been there at one point or another…Don't worry about it.

  70. AuraMaster on March 20th, 2010 11:41 pm

    Your monkey doesn't deserve to be smashed for Mother Russia! But I suppose it would make a good coaster for my drink!

  71. Captain Rehab on March 20th, 2010 7:43 pm

    Guess he was just Putin us on…

  72. Leo058 on March 20th, 2010 11:48 pm

    No, he just perfected it so no one else could best him in the galaxy of honor. Then he used his fight money to buy two of every spaceship. Then he flew them onto a boat… and did barrel rolls in each one!

  73. tveye on March 20th, 2010 11:57 pm

    That hammer better leave…MARX!

  74. ZombieGoatse on March 21st, 2010 12:15 am

    inb4everythingelseever

  75. penguindude42 on March 21st, 2010 12:37 am

    That was so zetta random, my brain sharted

  76. Alpar on March 21st, 2010 12:40 am

    And from that day forward any time a bunch of animals are gathered in one place, it's FURAFFINITY!

  77. Alpar on March 21st, 2010 12:41 am

    Wasn't he also a carpenter in the (horribly ended) OVA?

  78. Alpar on March 21st, 2010 12:47 am

    Or their barrels for that matter.

  79. Stealthbladez on March 21st, 2010 12:49 am

    Unless its 4chan.

  80. Stealthbladez on March 21st, 2010 12:50 am

    Didn't even notice. Must be a spy! How`d you do it?

  81. Stealthbladez on March 21st, 2010 12:51 am

    And I suppose that this fits into the veeeeeery small gap that is not most of it?

  82. Stealthbladez on March 21st, 2010 12:54 am

    inb4everythingelsenever

  83. ZombieGoatse on March 21st, 2010 12:55 am

    Unless it's Ychan.

    BTW, never go there. My friend gave me a link once. . .
    I had to scour my eyeballs for a month.

  84. ZombieGoatse on March 21st, 2010 12:56 am

    Yea. See, Daifuku is behind everything Twisted on this site, except for me. I'm my own brand of "OMFGWTF!?"

  85. Stealthbladez on March 21st, 2010 12:56 am

    In soviet russia, princess saves hero!

  86. ZombieGoatse on March 21st, 2010 12:58 am

    What is this "Sharted" you speak of and where can I get one?

  87. ZombieGoatse on March 21st, 2010 12:59 am

    inb4myselfsayinganythingelseforever

  88. ZombieGoatse on March 21st, 2010 12:59 am

    Would you like these Barrels? We're up to our necks in Barrels.

  89. Stealthbladez on March 21st, 2010 1:02 am

    Please, please, PLEASE, don't tear a hole in the thin walls of space and time, if you do, you will create a space time continum.

  90. Hareoic on March 21st, 2010 1:18 am

    All these puns are very kongfusing.

  91. ZombieGoatse on March 21st, 2010 1:40 am

    Those were walls? I thought it was pudding skins. . .

    -finishes eating said Skins.-

  92. TheTrollKing on March 21st, 2010 1:59 am

    Or you're just retarded.

  93. TheTrollKing on March 21st, 2010 2:02 am

    Mhm. . . .

    First of the last to first first last first.

  94. Alpar on March 21st, 2010 2:23 am

    The hell is a Ychan? 4chan's long lost twin?

  95. Alpar on March 21st, 2010 2:35 am

    ……
    Oh.

  96. ZombieGoatse on March 21st, 2010 2:44 am

    Essentially, Just google Image "Yiff" And then throw it all into an exact replica of 4chan.

  97. ZombieGoatse on March 21st, 2010 2:46 am

    They're all just alternate Personalities of Daifuku.

  98. TheAceOfSkulls on March 21st, 2010 3:40 am

    I-
    No, that actually makes perfect sense if it's the messed up Tyler Durden sort of multipersonality disorder.

  99. Stealthbladez on March 21st, 2010 3:44 am

    Warning duely noted…

  100. Stealthbladez on March 21st, 2010 3:45 am

    Hence the 'Y' infront of 'chan'?

  101. ZombieGoatse on March 21st, 2010 5:34 am

    Mhm.

  102. ZombieGoatse on March 21st, 2010 2:25 am

    Ehhh. . . .
    Yea. . .
    Only more. . .
    Furry. . .

  103. Alpar on March 21st, 2010 2:26 am

    What about Soapdish, Rofl, Badonk, and all the other famous Halolzers?

  104. EggOnMaxx on March 21st, 2010 6:29 am

    No can be. Anyone who is retarded becomes a Jockey so I can't be a Marx-man at the same time! I just poked a big hole in your logic, good sir! *monocle*

  105. EggOnMaxx on March 21st, 2010 6:31 am

    What's the big idea Alpar?

  106. EggOnMaxx on March 21st, 2010 6:33 am

    Sorry but we're all out. We do have some Seanut Butter, I bought a massive stock from some goofy sponge who lives in a pineapple.

  107. EggOnMaxx on March 21st, 2010 6:34 am

    Hey, what is that over there that looks like some kind of everything destroying wall of death space time continuum?

  108. ZombieGoatse on March 21st, 2010 6:53 am

    I think he said his name was Fred, or something. I'm not too sure. My SPACETIME VORTEX OF DOOM is a little rusty so it's kind of hard to understand half of what he says.

  109. A_R_ on March 21st, 2010 8:32 am

    Silly Heavy. Bombs are for Demomen!

  110. A_R_ on March 21st, 2010 9:22 am

    JM: Did you just summon a bunch of barrels in one turn?
    DK: Yess.
    JM: But that's against the rules!
    DK: Screw the rules, i'm a monkey!

  111. Leo058 on March 21st, 2010 11:36 am

    You know, I suppose I should heed these warnings, but all they do is make me want to see it for myself.

  112. Leo058 on March 21st, 2010 12:34 pm

    Fuck "unless it's a farm". THAT'S the best part of the video!

  113. Leo058 on March 21st, 2010 12:40 pm

    Toasty!

  114. Sr_Pantalones on March 21st, 2010 2:07 pm

    Союз нерушимый республик свободных
    Сплотила навеки Великая Русь!
    Да здравствует созданный волей народов
    Единый, могучий Советский Союз!

    Славься, Отечество наше свободное,
    Дружбы народов надёжный оплот!
    Партия Ленина — сила народная
    Нас к торжеству коммунизма ведёт!

    Сквозь грозы сияло нам солнце свободы,
    И Ленин великий нам путь озарил:
    На правое дело он поднял народы,
    На труд и на подвиги нас вдохновил!

    Славься, Отечество наше свободное,
    Дружбы народов надёжный оплот!
    Партия Ленина — сила народная
    Нас к торжеству коммунизма ведёт!

    В победе бессмертных идей коммунизма
    Мы видим грядущее нашей страны,
    И Красному знамени славной Отчизны
    Мы будем всегда беззаветно верны!

    Славься, Отечество наше свободное,
    Дружбы народов надёжный оплот!
    Партия Ленина — сила народная
    Нас к торжеству коммунизма ведёт!

    I'll give anyone a sombrero who knows this.

  115. Dracojounin7 on March 21st, 2010 4:27 pm

    Oy! I'm my own brand!

  116. Tenck on March 21st, 2010 5:20 pm

    I guess he should be thankful.

    Meanwhile, Slippy:
    HELPMEFOX!HELPME!GETTHISGUYOFFME!AAAAAAHHHHHH!

  117. ZombieGoatse on March 21st, 2010 5:20 pm

    -Takes the Sombrero-
    Waaahaaa!!!

    -Eats it-

  118. Xyxoz on March 22nd, 2010 3:44 am

    YAAY!!!
    -flares nostrils-

  119. tretetest on March 22nd, 2010 3:21 pm

    In soviet russia, hammer gets YOU!

  120. Acrazymonke on March 22nd, 2010 10:54 pm

    im not part of me
    … wait…

  121. OHAITHER on March 23rd, 2010 12:29 am

    Call the Troll Hunters?

  122. OHAITHER on March 23rd, 2010 12:37 am

    I herd u liek barrelz

    Srry, just had to

  123. OHAITHER on March 23rd, 2010 12:39 am

    Alright people, who was the genius who divided by zero??

  124. OHAITHER on March 23rd, 2010 12:41 am

    icwhatudidthar

  125. Zabrio on March 24th, 2010 11:46 am

    Though only a rare few ever will experience a fail as hard as this one was firsthand
    http://www.halolz.com/2010/02/23/wow-hotkey-fail/

  126. EggOnMaxx on March 25th, 2010 8:07 pm

    I have a feeling there's gonna be a riot. *bratatata (<— sucky gun sound impreshun)*

  127. EggOnMaxx on March 25th, 2010 8:09 pm

    We are ourselves. Resistance is futile.

  128. Lotharius on March 27th, 2010 8:37 pm

    That would be the Soviet anthem. Specifically the 1977 version.

  129. hadoukenman on April 10th, 2010 5:29 pm

    Yoshi smashed the monkey too.
    Remember the old smash bros. commercial?

  130. Onslaught335 on April 28th, 2010 8:26 pm

    It costs $400,000…to smash this hammer…for 12 seconds

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