He who punches first, punches best. Proverb, The Church of Falcon

Whilst the Falcon Punch be powerful, it should be known that power is not always everything.
Screenshot by Pauli

He who punches first, punches best.

Posted by Shawn Handyside on November 6, 2009 · 2:19 PM

(158 votes, average: 3.99 out of 5)

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Categories:
Church of Falcon, F-Zero, FALCON PAAAANCH, Fists of Fury, Lucky Shot, Nintendo, Special Attacks, Super Smash Bros, The Legend of Zelda, Things Are Heating Up, Tips & Tricks, Wii

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3397CommentsHe+who+punches+first%2C+punches+best.2009-11-06+19%3A19%3A06Shawn+Handyside to “He who punches first, punches best.”

Badonk on November 6th, 2009 7:27 pm

Yea! this man speaks the truth, let this saying be known throughout the land!

Pauli, may i welcome you as our newest Falcon Cardinal. *falcon salute*

(Shawn you forgot the CoF tag)
GameboyPATH on November 6th, 2009 7:51 pm

A true, Godly depiction of the battle of Good vs. Evil.

Plus, it looks like the Captain is NOMing on falcon leg.
Alpar on November 6th, 2009 8:00 pm

Mmmmm
Falcon Legs… :d
BlueChameleon on November 6th, 2009 8:01 pm

And he who has a punch shaped like a Falcon, gets worshipped by a small internet community.
BlueChameleon on November 6th, 2009 8:01 pm

And he who has a punch shaped like a Falcon, gets worshipped by a small internet community.
Dracojounin7 on November 6th, 2009 8:05 pm

What level would I be?
Dracojounin7 on November 6th, 2009 8:06 pm

Bonus points to the first person to publish a Falcon Bible…
DClaw on November 6th, 2009 8:19 pm

We need more pictures of Ganondorf being the Devil…
BitHawk on November 6th, 2009 8:41 pm

Is the 1st or 2nd commandment of Falcon?
Badonk on November 6th, 2009 8:43 pm

Have you made a Falcon joke that has been plus'd more then 5 times?
if so then a priest, if not then a Falcon Follower
Badonk on November 6th, 2009 8:43 pm

Publish? Does putting it on your deviant art count? im almost done with the first part :P
Badonk on November 6th, 2009 8:45 pm

but he's not, he is one who pretends to be the Falcon, and is vanquished by Pit in the story of The pit and the pig in the book of 3…2…1…GO! (YIE)

Wolf is the devil
DClaw on November 6th, 2009 8:58 pm

So he's Judas?
Ataeru on November 6th, 2009 9:07 pm

Wolf the devil?
well i know why you say that, since your a falconite.
if you can't explain it, chalk it up to "the devil's work"

disabling does not make him evil.
SnovB X on November 6th, 2009 9:15 pm

He who puns first, puns best!

oh no, I forgot to put "che" in "punches"
codemaster525 on November 6th, 2009 9:17 pm

Falcon Punches even have the ability to stop any attack, even the Ness lightning headbutt (been tested!)
WizardRex on November 6th, 2009 9:22 pm

The Church of Falcon has a holy hand grenade in the form of a smash ball.
ArmyOfMidgets on November 6th, 2009 9:24 pm

No, but using a tank rather than a high-speed vehicle for the Final Smash does.
Rocker23220 on November 6th, 2009 9:24 pm

So, if Wolf is the Devil…….

WHO IS GANON???
Dracojounin7 on November 6th, 2009 9:56 pm

Sure, as long as you make the whole thing. Bonus points as well for Halolz references.
Dracojounin7 on November 6th, 2009 9:57 pm

There were 7 devils, Satan being the most powerful. Perhaps one of the others?
Last on November 6th, 2009 10:02 pm

http://lastorka.deviantart.com/art/Falcon-Bible-1…
Hakokoro on November 6th, 2009 10:14 pm

Silly Ganon! Kick-ass Punchs are for Captain Falcons!
Last on November 6th, 2009 10:14 pm

blessed are those who receive thine holiest of punches for they are the one's get to experience what true awesomeness is.
MrRaccoon on November 6th, 2009 10:16 pm

Must… get… shameless… credit!
MrRaccoon on November 6th, 2009 10:17 pm

And if you created the whole thing?
MassiveDamage on November 6th, 2009 10:18 pm

Does that make Fox and Falco evil too?
MrRaccoon on November 6th, 2009 10:18 pm

He's so almighty he can fight and eat at the same time!!!
Badonk on November 6th, 2009 10:18 pm

no the spy is judas. We conform to all games not just SSB
Badonk on November 6th, 2009 10:19 pm

quiet you! you can bind them after i make them
MassiveDamage on November 6th, 2009 10:20 pm

But it can't stop Wolf from not letting him do that.
Last on November 6th, 2009 10:21 pm

but I want to do it nooooowwwww.
ArmyOfMidgets on November 6th, 2009 10:22 pm

Yes. They are. Wolf's Fallen Angels.
Caelun_Niveus on November 6th, 2009 10:25 pm

"Not the Pit, it BURNS!!!"
Caelun_Niveus on November 6th, 2009 10:27 pm

Or can it?
MassiveDamage on November 6th, 2009 10:28 pm

No it can't.
Leo058 on November 6th, 2009 10:30 pm

But Ganon has Falcon Punch…
bauli69 on November 6th, 2009 10:30 pm

i think this is one of the coolest pics i have shoot on SSBB.
Leo058 on November 6th, 2009 10:33 pm

Now here's your problem; Falcon's punch is going to come up just shy of Ganon's armpit, while Ganon's punch is going right into Falcon's face.
BurnoutSpartan on November 6th, 2009 11:00 pm

BizzaroFalcon
Hakokoro on November 6th, 2009 11:05 pm

Then in a priest?!

My Falco 'n Punch Team joke got 5+ or more
OrionX on November 6th, 2009 11:12 pm

Falcon's actually planning to strike Ganon's weak point for massive damage.
Senax on November 6th, 2009 11:23 pm

Small yet growing my friend.
Small yet growing.
Senax on November 6th, 2009 11:23 pm

Warlock Punch.
Know the difference, it could save your life.
Senax on November 6th, 2009 11:24 pm

Krystal must be the succubus…
Senax on November 6th, 2009 11:25 pm

Wolfs claws are not counted as part of him I think, so they can reach through it I think…Dunno, someone test it.
Senax on November 6th, 2009 11:29 pm

I'm a wolfist…and I've made both Falcon and Wolf jokes that got 5+ (or moar)…
What would I be?
DClaw on November 6th, 2009 11:31 pm

Ok what about the Anti-Falcon? That's as good as it will get. Not quite the Wolf but not quite the Falcon.
Hakokoro on November 6th, 2009 11:32 pm

That makes you… A RESEARCH SUBJECT!*locks you at a lab*
DClaw on November 6th, 2009 11:37 pm

What about those who's punch is shaped like a Wolf?
Leo058 on November 6th, 2009 11:37 pm

Yes, I'd much rather get hit by Falcon Punch. Lower damage, lower knockback, swifter death.
DClaw on November 6th, 2009 11:38 pm

True…Since Ganon focuses on power so much, instead of the punch forming a falcon it is distorted into an ugly purple aura…And it's time comsuming so yeah…
Leo058 on November 6th, 2009 11:40 pm

But Warlock Punch can cut through Falcon Punch (tested that).
DClaw on November 6th, 2009 11:40 pm

No my dear friend. She's a Grue in disguise.
DClaw on November 6th, 2009 11:42 pm

If the attack is well timed they will cancel out…
DClaw on November 6th, 2009 11:42 pm

I like it I like it I like it!
Senax on November 6th, 2009 11:44 pm

I can't let you do that…
*Explodes the lab*
IM MEWTWO RAWRAWRAWRNOMNOMNOMPSYCHICSHIT!
Senax on November 6th, 2009 11:46 pm

But Ganon is not Wolf's son…
Wolf has no son though…
VERILEE I ELECT YON GANONDORF TO BE THINE ANTI-FALCON!
DClaw on November 6th, 2009 11:46 pm

Actually I saw a video of aFalcon and Warlock punch colliding. It was a double K.O
Senax on November 6th, 2009 11:47 pm

Ah, at least I have no regret with accidentally having had replaced her hemorrhoid cream with poison ivy oil.
Badonk on November 6th, 2009 11:54 pm

they get chronic diarrhea, diabetes and cancer.
Badonk on November 6th, 2009 11:55 pm

idk, we need to hammer that out lol. we need a position for you Taiho and me
Badonk on November 6th, 2009 11:56 pm

Your a wolfite, talk to Vabolo or chameleon for that stuff, not my department
Badonk on November 6th, 2009 11:58 pm

But he just wants to be the Falcon, he does not hate him. Its why he copy's most if not all of his moves.

He was a false god to the small nation of Hyrule until pit and his mighty cheap shield of cheapness slew him and saved the people
Badonk on November 6th, 2009 11:59 pm

Gah! im not explaining this whole thing right here! the book will be out soon!
Badonk on November 7th, 2009 12:00 am

go to my DA to see the original logo he used *shameless plug*
Badonk on November 7th, 2009 12:01 am

no, you go walk your animals!
Senax on November 7th, 2009 12:02 am

Well then, if you know everything who do you elect to be anti-falcon?
The guy in the ridiculous black suit from the show?
Because he's just mentally retarded…
Senax on November 7th, 2009 12:04 am

Don't forget us! We wolfists (Wolfites, tomato tomatoe) were of the first to come to duty to him!
Senax on November 7th, 2009 12:05 am

Respect this man, Badonk knows of which he speaks of!
DClaw on November 7th, 2009 12:12 am

Oh Sh**!
DClaw on November 7th, 2009 12:14 am

Black Bull only wants to be loved, and kill Falcon, and take over F-Zero as the champion!
Senax on November 7th, 2009 12:15 am

That will show them…
WHO IS ZE BOSS!
Leo058 on November 7th, 2009 12:18 am

Really? Well, Warlock Punch still kills at lower damage amounts.
Sinya on November 7th, 2009 12:19 am

So… The one who punches last laughs better?
DClaw on November 7th, 2009 12:24 am

Ganondorf: Hmm….should have dodged when he did…
DClaw on November 7th, 2009 12:27 am

Depends…You won't be laughing for long when he who punches first hits you.
BoardBreaker93 on November 7th, 2009 12:47 am

(insert evil laugh here)
Jet_Sparrow on November 7th, 2009 1:56 am

Shortly after this scene was witnessed, Captain Falcon proceeded to beat the living crap out of Ganondorf with his…KNEE OF JUSTICE!
Ataeru on November 7th, 2009 2:14 am

he won't forget us, in his "bible" it will include bias statements that will make people hate our guts. =(
Badonk on November 7th, 2009 2:35 am

ah so you have read my material before!
ArmyOfMidgets on November 7th, 2009 2:54 am

YOUR MOM.
Roflcopter419 on November 7th, 2009 2:57 am

Also, me and Atearu.
Roflcopter419 on November 7th, 2009 3:15 am

Your dad.
ArmyOfMidgets on November 7th, 2009 3:21 am

Ganon was born in a town full of women, the odds of him being a cross-dresser are much much higher than him magically being the only man born out of an all-woman town.
Roflcopter419 on November 7th, 2009 3:27 am

But we saw him rape zelda.
Senax on November 7th, 2009 3:43 am

Fucking Car Whores…
How was I supposed to know it wasn't a rip-off of Star Wars?! It sounds just like one!
Senax on November 7th, 2009 3:44 am

You should make a pic of my avatar for my 69 e-peen party soon.
Senax on November 7th, 2009 3:45 am

Plus you know…
Ganon sucks ass muffins.
I usually suck with him, and always beat him (ALWAYS)
Senax on November 7th, 2009 3:46 am

Sooo…
What AM I?
Who am I…
*insert random statement that the main character says IN EVERY DAMN SHOW about why he is here*
ArmyOfMidgets on November 7th, 2009 3:47 am

Oh, i believe the internet has many many MANY answers to how that would be possible.
Senax on November 7th, 2009 3:47 am

Hell, the guy posting above me raped Zelda with him!
Roflcopter419 on November 7th, 2009 4:02 am

Armyofmidgets? Really? That's unexpected.
Roflcopter419 on November 7th, 2009 4:06 am

I suppose you are a Wolfite, you said so yourself. One is OFFERED the position of Falcon Priest when you make an epic Falcon joke.
Senax on November 7th, 2009 4:07 am

Welll…
Originally it was YOU.
But I guess everyone had a go that day.
Myself not included, I was off in another castle…doing things…
Roflcopter419 on November 7th, 2009 4:12 am

Ah, I see. Actually, I was sick that day. Couldn't have been me.
Nick Soapdish on November 7th, 2009 5:33 am

And definitely me to.
Falcon submissions made = 0
Wolf submissions made = about a dozen
Roflcopter419 on November 7th, 2009 5:35 am

Full list of wolfites:
Nick soapdish
Roflcopter419
Ataeru
Senax (allegedly)
Vabolo
Senax on November 7th, 2009 5:38 am

Can't let you doubt that!
Roflcopter419 on November 7th, 2009 5:39 am

Ok. So then:
Nick soapdish
Roflcopter419
Ataeru
Senax
Vabolo
ProfessorLuigi452 on November 7th, 2009 5:45 am

So the speed can change the result after all…
100th comment!!!
Fission on November 7th, 2009 6:13 am

That punch is a spy!
Daifuku on November 7th, 2009 3:16 pm

Too bad that's not what she says….
Daifuku on November 7th, 2009 3:18 pm

And what of the e-peen god? IS HE NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH?!?!?!
Daifuku on November 7th, 2009 3:19 pm

Hmm…then I must kill everyone on the list >:3

Except Soapdish. I don't count him as a Wolfite.
Daifuku on November 7th, 2009 3:26 pm

Remember kids, it's not who'se bigger, it's who can hit who first :P
Daifuku on November 7th, 2009 3:28 pm

Op you could just use R.O.B. and cram his massive priority down everyone's throat.
IndianCHAN on November 7th, 2009 3:56 pm

I CAN'T +1 THIS ENOUGH
Leo058 on November 7th, 2009 4:36 pm

Unfortnately, not even R.O.B. can cut through Meta Knight's neutral-B. Ganon Punch, however, can…
Roflcopter419 on November 7th, 2009 6:39 pm

You've killed me twice already. Wolf can't let us stay dead, so you'll never win.
Badonk on November 8th, 2009 3:34 am

your a cardinal sir! in this church the size of ones epeen counts not!
Badonk on November 8th, 2009 3:36 am

Soapdish, your a cardinal simply from being a halolz legend!
TCC on November 8th, 2009 5:04 am

I remember the verry comment I had made to earn cardinalhood. Someone had made a comment about something being Captains greatest weapon, to which I responded "Captain Falcon IS a weapon!".
sure the comment wasn't great, but my newly adorned halo avatar gave it just enough of a boost to earn me my cardinalhood! :)
TCC on November 8th, 2009 5:06 am

if wolf stops someone from doing that, Captain Falcon can have them show him their moves making them do that despite wolfs greatest efforts. :b
TCC on November 8th, 2009 5:07 am

… I need to remake you'r tophat avatar sometime… sometime when I'm not lazy… but I will do it eventually… -.-
TCC on November 8th, 2009 5:11 am

he does more photoshop stuff (wich is great if that's what you want.) but if you want something drawn you should either ask Mr. Raccoon, or myself *shameless plug upon shameless plug*
TCC on November 8th, 2009 5:14 am

I kinda figured Ganon was one of the kings of the land who did not believe in the Falcon almighty, and lead the crusafiction of kirby. o.o
Roflcopter419 on November 8th, 2009 6:00 am

I became a wolf cardinal on the ask and thou shalt receive one. T'was "can't let you receive that, louis. In all honesty, it wasn't too funny but it got +8, so yeah.
MassiveDamage on November 8th, 2009 11:42 am

But then he can't let them do that.
It's the neverending circle of life.
Daifuku on November 8th, 2009 2:46 pm

….I should at least be High Cardinal -.- I have killed more Wolfites than anyone D:
Daifuku on November 8th, 2009 2:47 pm

Keeps me amused tho ^^
Daifuku on November 8th, 2009 2:48 pm

I remember what got me a cardinal slot. Bribing Badonk with Cubans :B
Daifuku on November 8th, 2009 2:51 pm

Why? What's wrong with it? The only thing I see that could possibly be wrong with it is it's not an awesome face.
shadow649 on November 8th, 2009 3:41 pm

And holy water in the form of fruit pawnch.
shadow649 on November 8th, 2009 3:47 pm

He who hits first hits best and he who hits second may as well not hit at all.
shadow649 on November 8th, 2009 3:48 pm

Thats why ganondork uses only suck-ass punches and captain falcon uses kick-ass pawnches.
shadow649 on November 8th, 2009 3:51 pm

but u forgot he who pawnches kicks ass while whoever punches fails at life.
shadow649 on November 8th, 2009 3:52 pm

Who can't though? It's like typing on the internets while drivin…. OMG AHHHH A CAR!!!!&*$%*@!&!*(#
shadow649 on November 8th, 2009 3:53 pm

every pic with the falcon is the coolest. except the wolf submissions that can't let him pawnch that.
Roflcopter419 on November 8th, 2009 6:47 pm

He was going to let you in anyway. By bribing him he got free cubans.
Senax on November 8th, 2009 10:30 pm

Shameless plug is shameless.
Also, I have way too much yogurt in my fridge. I blame Costco.
need_more_Kirby on November 12th, 2009 6:10 am

can i join the church of falcon?? i really need to redeem my falcon soul D: