THE RAPE TRAIN HAS NO BRAKES!!!!

RED Team is getting steamrolled… literally!
By William R.

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Posted by Shawn Handyside on January 15, 2011 · 6:47 AM 
FAILLAMENOT BADPRETTY GOODAWESOME (308 votes, average: 4.48 out of 5)
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Categories:
Moving Violations, PC, Playstation, Smashy Smashy, Team Fortress 2, Valve Software, Xbox 360

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73 Responses to “THE RAPE TRAIN HAS NO BRAKES!!!!”

  1. Tael on January 15th, 2011 6:50 am

    Guess BLU team needs to 'train' a bit more.

  2. Cantletudothat on January 15th, 2011 6:58 am

    How is Scout gonna fit that train into his

    …..
    …….OHHHHHH

  3. VyseRogueKing on January 15th, 2011 7:17 am

    Yup and it gets about ten-thousand miles to the soul… I mean the gallon.

  4. TehBlueOne on January 15th, 2011 7:41 am

    In one end, out the other.

  5. Gaytits on January 15th, 2011 7:56 am

    "Hey, dummy!" the Engineer shouted from his rape train. "Are you retarded or just plain stupid?!" Heavy turned to me and said, "Just run away, coward." The Engineer fired up the rape train and began his pursuit. "Run, Scout! Run away! Hurry!" shouted the Soldier just before getting hit by the rape train.

    "Look out, dummy! I'm gonna get you!" taunted the Engineer, "Run, Scout, run! Run, Scout!" shouted the Demo with a look of fear in his eye. The Engineer frustratedly yelled out, "Come back here, you!" but I was too fast for him. Now you wouldn't believe me if I told you, but I could run like the wind blows. From that day on, if I was ever going somewhere, I was running!

  6. Combatbeaver on January 15th, 2011 7:57 am

    what IS the red heavy doing with sasha that is so conveniantly hidden behind the rocket fire?

  7. khodo63 on January 15th, 2011 8:10 am

    Aw man, you could have done that with sunglasses.

  8. Juggernaut470 on January 15th, 2011 8:11 am

    CART IZ NOT STOPPING!

  9. Yoshi_Dino on January 15th, 2011 8:39 am

    Scouts gonna need alot of lube for that one.

  10. Squikker2001 on January 15th, 2011 9:08 am

    Looks like Engineer fixed the practical problem of cart not moving self.

  11. uzumakiclan43 on January 15th, 2011 9:35 am

    Scout: Ow! What the hell was that?
    Engineer: (in disbelief) That… was supposed to crush you.
    Scout: Heavy, did you see it? His power! He can-
    Heavy: Stop time?
    Scout: -summon steamrollers!
    Heavy: Y-You sure about that?
    Scout: Positive!

  12. Grammar Berzerker on January 15th, 2011 10:17 am

    Good news, it's a suppository!

  13. Dimomarg on January 15th, 2011 10:42 am

    he's gonna blow the red base a new asshole

  14. ovahdrive on January 15th, 2011 11:04 am

    It may not have brakes, but it sure has some curves, baby.

  15. ovahdrive on January 15th, 2011 11:06 am

    Momma always said rape was like a box o' chocolates. You never know when it's gonna hit.

  16. Captain_Flavor on January 15th, 2011 11:12 am

    Just need at least 5 Heavies stuck on it and BLU is good to go.

  17. Vabolo on January 15th, 2011 11:32 am

    Cummunism.

  18. Ryu_Bonkosi on January 15th, 2011 11:32 am

    ZA WARUDO!

  19. Vabolo on January 15th, 2011 11:33 am

    We wouldn't want them to go off the rails.

  20. Vabolo on January 15th, 2011 11:36 am

    Rape-kabobs, rape creole, rape gumbo. Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried. There's pineapple rape, lemon rape, coconut rape, pepper rape, rape soup, rape stew, rape salad, rape and potatoes, rape burger, rape sandwich. That- that's about it.

  21. Vabolo on January 15th, 2011 11:38 am

    It does, however, have a huge-

  22. Vabolo on January 15th, 2011 11:38 am

    JOHNSON!

  23. Ryu_Bonkosi on January 15th, 2011 11:41 am

    "Hey look buddy, I'm an Engineer, that means I solve problems. Not problems like 'What is beauty?', because that would fall within the purview of your conundrums of philosophy. I solve practical problems. Fr'instance…How am I going to stop some big mean mother hubbard from tearing me a structurally superfluous new behind? The answer…use a gun. And if that don't work…use nuke."

  24. Nyoron on January 15th, 2011 11:54 am

    This is sorta disturbing yet funny.

  25. Vabolo on January 15th, 2011 11:55 am

    If you're going to -1 me, at least make a cumback.

  26. Grashbar on January 15th, 2011 12:02 pm

    Wasn't there a type of food named "Crepe"? Or am I thinking of something else?

  27. Alpar on January 15th, 2011 12:02 pm

    It costs 400,000 dollars to keep train going…for twelve seconds.

    Alt: WHAT SICK MAN TEACH ENGINEER HOW TO PUSH CART.

  28. Nyoron on January 15th, 2011 12:02 pm

    Halolz is the only place that can take a line from Forrest Gump and twist it so far as to include rape in it. I love you guys.

  29. Vabolo on January 15th, 2011 12:09 pm

    Yes, it's the delicious, thin cousin of the thick american pancake. It goes well with EVERY SINGLE FOOD ITEM YOU CAN THINK OF.

  30. Jimmy on January 15th, 2011 12:27 pm

    If we wanted our cumback, we'd wipe it from the roof of your mouth!!! OOOOH BURN!!! (Wasn't me though. I just wanted to burn somebody today. *SIZZLE*)

  31. Ichiinu on January 15th, 2011 12:33 pm

    That was already fixed with pl_strider, though

    edit: Alright, technically it's not a CART per se, BUT STILL.

  32. Knuckx117 on January 15th, 2011 12:33 pm

    I'm disappointed that I'm not at least credited with submitting this…

  33. ReploidArmada on January 15th, 2011 12:39 pm

    And why is the entire RED team standing in the direct path of the runaway suppository bomb-cart?

    Idiots.

  34. Marzen on January 15th, 2011 12:45 pm

    Scout: "Team scramble, TEAM SCRAMBLE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TEAM SCRAMBLE!"
    Engie: "….NOPE."

  35. ThatOneDude on January 15th, 2011 12:47 pm

    I'll make it fit.

  36. CakeBard on January 15th, 2011 12:51 pm

    Hope these replys don't go "off track".

  37. Drifting_Mist on January 15th, 2011 12:52 pm

    Run virgin scout run! Im coming for you!

  38. Caelun_Niveus on January 15th, 2011 12:58 pm

    The Spy?

  39. CakeBard on January 15th, 2011 12:59 pm

    The rape train ain't stoppin' for no one,
    The rape train never gonna be done,
    Can't run, can't hide, can't cover your rear,
    can't bargain, can't plea since it can't even hear,
    LET'S ALL RIDE THE RAPE TRAIN TONIGHT!

    Rape train runs from 12 to 10,
    Runnin' express all the way to Bend,
    Speeding by at 75,
    No time to make a beat or a jive,
    LET"S GO RIDE THE RAPE TRAIN TONIGHT!!!

    *Engie Guitar solo*

  40. dekuskrub1 on January 15th, 2011 1:03 pm

    you appear to haveforgotten aboun 4chan
    they can take anything from anywhere and make it a rape joke and even ruin your childhood at the same time

  41. dekuskrub1 on January 15th, 2011 1:04 pm

    rape crepe?

  42. CakeBard on January 15th, 2011 1:06 pm

    TINY CART WILL NOT MOVE ITSE… never mind…

  43. Nyoron on January 15th, 2011 1:12 pm

    Ney, i have not forgotten about 4chan. I go there regularly actually. They have ruined alot of my awesome childhood memories that way….

  44. shadow649 on January 15th, 2011 1:48 pm

    Wait! That's over 9000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Pretty self sustaining seeing as it steals a soul about every couple meters.

  45. meinmattias on January 15th, 2011 2:29 pm

    Scout's face makes this.

  46. Navy_Pheonix on January 15th, 2011 2:36 pm

    I hate to "de-rail" this subject, but I think it's losing "steam."

  47. DM1293 on January 15th, 2011 3:00 pm

    Bacon Grease. Why do you think Engineer was making so much bacon for?

  48. Zyquux on January 15th, 2011 3:02 pm

    Don't worry, we won't lose our train of thought.

  49. Zyquux on January 15th, 2011 3:03 pm

    Don't forget about his "Cream gravy".

  50. Zyquux on January 15th, 2011 3:08 pm

    More like:
    "How am I going to tear some mean mother hubbard a structurally superfluous new behind?"

    AMIRITE?

  51. TheUnknownNoob on January 15th, 2011 3:10 pm

    Because secretly, they want it.

  52. Totema on January 15th, 2011 3:27 pm

    Needs more Ozzy Osbourne.

  53. 3K9 on January 15th, 2011 3:34 pm

    And the only thing they needed to do was step away from the rails… Silly Wankas

  54. Doc_ock_rokc on January 15th, 2011 3:36 pm

    Rails? where we're going we won't need rails!

  55. lokik21 on January 15th, 2011 3:56 pm

    Rape Train Rape Train last stop… YOUR ASS!

  56. Irish_Anphibian on January 15th, 2011 4:42 pm

    Now the question is: Is engie yelling the caption as a battle cry? or is the red team yelling it in realization and fear?

  57. AuraMaster on January 15th, 2011 5:46 pm

    HE'S RIDIN' IN YO DUSTBOWLS, HE'S GIBBING YO TEAMMATES UP
    TRYIN' TO RAPE EM SO YOU NEED TO
    HIDE YO SCOUTS, HIDE YO SPY
    HIDE YO SCOUTS, HIDE YO SPY
    HIDE YO SCOUTS, HIDE YO SPY
    AND HIDE YO MEDICS CUZ HE'S RAPIN' ERRBODY OUT HERE.

  58. Giroro91 on January 15th, 2011 6:04 pm

    THE TAPE BRAIN HAS NO RAKES.

  59. Grammar Berzerker on January 15th, 2011 6:12 pm

    *Cocks bolter*

    Shouldn't that be "What" instead of "Why"?

  60. Beato on January 15th, 2011 6:29 pm

    would have been better with lil' chew chew.
    it's a big angry train that eats people

  61. GazzyW007 on January 15th, 2011 8:13 pm

    Rape Train… Don't stop there… Rape Train…. Don't stop…

    Rape train don't stop there anymore.

  62. FutureGentlman on January 15th, 2011 8:52 pm

    The forced intercourse locimotice is not currently equipt with a proper stopping mechanisim and thus is able to physicaly anihalate the opposing force on the opposite color spectrum.

  63. Sceptilianblade on January 15th, 2011 9:17 pm

    YEEEEEEEE-HAWWWWWWW!

  64. RemielChibus on January 15th, 2011 9:49 pm

    Shouldn't you be using a semicolon there?

  65. Totema on January 15th, 2011 10:48 pm

    YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

  66. Lordshadow on January 16th, 2011 1:28 pm

    CARD GAMES ON ROCKET POWERED BOMBS

  67. WheelMan1337 on January 16th, 2011 5:55 pm

    +1 to that! :D

  68. WheelMan1337 on January 16th, 2011 5:57 pm

    I'm guessing fear because of his freaked out "Oh-god-what-have-I-done" look on his face.

  69. WheelMan1337 on January 16th, 2011 10:15 pm

    ENGIEZ IN UR SPAWN
    MODDING UR BOMBCART

  70. WheelMan1337 on January 16th, 2011 10:16 pm

    CHOO-CHOO!

  71. seanegan2 on February 17th, 2011 12:22 pm

    I made the damn thing. Oh well…

  72. AManWithACloak on March 19th, 2011 1:17 am

    Sadly, you cannot remove the breaks in a real match. Other wise, I would win every time.

  73. penguindude42 on May 17th, 2011 4:02 pm

    *CLANG CLANG CLANG*

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