It’s sad what FPS’es have become, but is it even sadder that I know that Doom map so well after all these years?
By SkindianaBones
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Posted by Shawn Handyside on November 12, 2010 · 3:51 AM
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Categories: Charts & Graphs, Depressing, Doom, ID Software, PC, Retro, Uncategorized · Leave a comment (65 Comments) |
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Email your video game related LOLZ to and if it's good we'll post it!
Did you know the site has over 2,500 video game themed lolz? 
You forgot to include all the gratuitous nudity.
Might as well do something with the new graphics.
What? improve gameplay? What a ludicrous idea!
let's add background stories to the character!
Let me throw this one at you…
underWATER football player…created by robots…to fight his dad…who became satan?
guys, we can't forget about music!
I suggest playing my soundtrack on a loop
Not Even Doom Music can prevent FPS games from becoming cinema.
*suddenly rocks out to techno remix*
That could never be successful! Its almost as ridiculous as… Oh I dunno…. Playing some sort of children's card game, on moving vehicles!
Now THAT would be ridiculous!
Or, you know, using amnesia to explain why the character is somewhere.
That's so patently ridiculous, gamer's would boycott!
Nostalgia…rising…RISING!
Oh right, I forgot about all those dicks in Call of Duty.
So many dicks… *shudder*
you know something's wrong when multiplayer maps are more complex than single player.
Call of Sausagefest: Black D**k
It's like my favorite show!!! One Piece (of hot ass!!!) rel="nofollow">
I would rather name that picture "Final Fantasy dungeon map design"
Is that E1M1? Been so long I can't remember. Sure does look familiar though. What's crazy about those maps, you couldn't have a tunnel. There was no way for any piece of floor to have another floor you could walk on anywhere directly above or below it. With that limitation, they were still great maps!
Also, the modern FPS map has a striking resemblance to the ones in Metroid Other M. (Don't hate, I have it and like it. Unless thats why you'd want to hate. In that case go right ahead.)
Dr. Wily's in your games, designing your levels
i was trying to think of a game to contradict this, but i cant. sadly our FPS's have become very very bad…
Goddamn it Shawn, now I have to replay Doom for the 50th time.
Only thing more ridiculous than that is a game starring a fat Italian plumber who hits floating blocks to obtain mushrooms that make you double in size, so that you can defeat a fire-breathing turtle monster and rescue a kingdom of mushroom people.
THAT would be weird.
But dicks have the best rate of fire.
funny, i almost thoguht that was teh turok map. i'm ashamed ive never been able to truly play fps till recently
You forgot to include awsum scripts of hyper packed action (MW2), amirite?
Honestly, a lot of RPGs are going this way. It's almost like we're growing too used to Steampunk, what with all the railroads…
*gets pelted by rotten tomatoes*
Perhaps, but even Halo and Call of Duty are much more linear and story driven than the games that started the FPS genre.
And this is why I still play Doom and eschew most modern FPS games. Especially "realistic" shooters with knives that do one-hit kills and sniper rifles that don't.
I say the future of the FPS…
*fires on shades*
…is doomed.
NNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
The only other weird thing to rival that would be a blue hedgehog running at the speed of sound in red sneakers collecting golden rings to live and rescuing animals from being stuck inside a robot from an evil fat man who rides in a giant egg.
Now THAT is weird.
At least these games are finally learning their LINES. Get it? Get it?
But what if we made a game about small, pocket-sized monsters that could be captured in tiny balls and used by ten-year-olds in duels against an evil organization that uses the monsters to terrorize the populace instead of the traditional guns and arson?
THAT, my friends, is true madness.
The only thing weirder than that would be a website that only posts video game related sight-gags and jokes.
Just think about that community. Just a bunch of weirdos….
Can somebody remind me which episode and level that is?! It's driving me nuts! And I don't have Doom handy to replay and find out.
Cutscenes? lolwut?
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Instead of writing I shall be lazy.
Since you could aim down the sights like in an FPS :O
Maybe the first Bioshock. Maybe.
DICKS.
DICKS EVERYWHERE.
YYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Gorden Freeman!
But what could be said of all the other genres of games? Surely they have also met the fate of executive decision as well!
God, I miss getting lost only to run into a horde of imps. I demand more confusing maps!
Maybe the FPS Metroid games. Although, they were officially, "First Person Adventure" games…
What about Battlefield Bad Company 2?
Doom did it right 17 years ago. On DOS and programming thats ancient by our standards. It did it right because we didn't really need the story; we were playing it SOLELY to be the one badass marine who kills Satan and ALL of hell.
What can we do with all this bloom and high-resolution textures and fancy shading and bump maps and high speed wireless 64-firefight onlines?
CORRIDORS TO CUTSCENES!
No idea, never played it. From what I can tell about it (my friend has it) it's a lot more balanced than CoD, though.
Well yeah, but the FPS decline is most obvious, mostly because of the oversaturation of the market with said FPS games.
Half-life 2?
What about a green tunic and pointed hat wearing mute who fights alongside fairies, little anthropomorphic creatures wearing oversized helmets, talking boats, and bird hats, as he travels through time, changes his size at will, turns into a wolf and enters a shadowy dimension, controls seasons, and more as he travels through dungeons to pick up large objects that don't have any use unless paired with the rest of the set?
Oh, and he fights with a boomerang and grappling hook in addition to conventional weapons, and his strength is the hearts he pulls out of his enemies! No he's not going to be some dark depressing antihero, but some random peasant trying to save a princess he doesn't even know.
I always saw this as CoD being a disapproving psychotic… ECCENTRIC looking over my shoulder saying:
"Real men don't use guns to kill their enemies. They get up close so they can feel the blood splatter on their face, and dance around in the guts of their enemies."
And I don't disagree because I know that thing pressing up against my back isn't just him being happy to see me, and a sign that I should have locked that drawer with more than one padlock and kept my phone close to me when he came over.
So I offer to make him a drink, only to slip out and stay at the house of one of my old friends' house, Mr. Notrealisticshooter.
I personally think its very fun, and unlike most shooters with aim assist, this game requires skill to play.
No one running around with speed perks and stabbing people, no one running around with snipers, Medic Class is very helpful in (in healing, reviving, and combat) Sniping requires skill where you have to factor in distance and gravity, your environment is constantly changing where its difficult to stay in a house for more then a few minutes without needing to GTFO before it collapsing on you…
man, I got to play it right now >_<
Gameplay? More like gayplay, amiright?!
(I'm actually gay so I'm allowed to say these things. Taking advantage of a double standard fucking kicks ass.)
That actually sounds pretty good.
Having played the New Goldeneye, this is painfully true
And that's why I stick to Counter-Strike, Quake and Killing Floor.
At least those games go straight to the point, and don't fuck around with just walking forward only to get over 9000 cutscenes.
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!
Drownball is a legitimate sport… Did I just hear an omnipotent wizard's mind just break?
I forget: Does having two gay roommates and 2 lesbian friends allow you to do the whole light version of the gay jokes (ie, no slurs and a limit on the number of times you can use gay as an offhanded insult)?
Or is that the ToS that allowed me to say certain words after accumulating the appropriate number of friends in the specific group that owns the word to qualify as "a lot of my friends."
There are just too many ToS's these days, it's hard to keep track of them all. Incidentally, how was I supposed to know that a company wasn't allow to make zombies and set them loose on employees, while also remembering that I can't use unauthorized third party software in certain online games. It's just too much to remember all of it.
Alternatively, you can purchase the "This CD Doesn't Contain Subliminal Messages" by Umbrella's best musicians (and lab techs), available at a variety of different retailers, including several online ones. Trust me, it was made with only the best in mind for you (which is why we made our own cover for "Never Gonna Give You Up" because we knew that song only brought up positive memories for our consumers).
Atleast it isn't a 60 hour long hallway full of cutscenes.
*looks at own user name*
*gets depressed*
Google for the win!
E1M6
http://www.classicdoom.com/maps/d1maps/e1m6.htm
I would like to comment but I'm having difficulty determining whether you are sincere or are posting in bitter sarcasm! Help a brother out!
Yeah… I bet the community'd be made up of gay clowns or something.
Yahtzee (zero punctuation) had it right.
The more limited your tools, the more creative you have to be to get it to work, and the better it turns out. This is because it was more fun and interesting to play than the big budget games with nothing unique. Since devs aren't limited by tools, we need something else to motivate them to make interesting games. The FPS market is over saturated, and there are enough FPS lovers that almost no FPS game has failed recently, making the push for quality and fun pointless for developers when people will buy almost anything.
I do not see this changing for quite a while, until a game pulls another halo, and defines a genre, making the other FPS games play catchup. Then we'll get a few truly great games like modern warfare, then everything will stagnate for a while, until some devs get another original idea.
Yeah… too bad there's no game like that.
Both. The beginning is definitely sincere, but I feel I lost that somewhere as I went along, though there also was a bit of sarcasm there as a bit of social commentary on political correctness operating off of a strange set of rules, some of which seem vaguely akin to Terms of Service agreements.
and the Radio said to him "But john you are the demons!"
and then john was a zombie.
Wait, they had gravity affect bullets in that game? Holy shit that's awesome.
ROMERO SAID "NO! I MUST FIGHT THE CUTSCENES!"
And the radio said to him "But Romero, YOU ARE THE CUTSCENE!"
And then Romero was a head.