Thursday, June 05, 2025


DUKE NUKEM NEVER - “I’m all out of gum”

It’s over Duke! 3D Realms finally closed down… you can rest in peace! Well at least until the Xbox Live remake of your actual good games comes out.
By Michael Shilliday

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Posted by Shawn Handyside on May 12, 2009 · 12:04 AM 
FAILLAMENOT BADPRETTY GOODAWESOME (164 votes, average: 3.68 out of 5)
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Categories:
Depressing, Duke Nukem, Failure, Motivational, PC, Serious Business

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Look the real reason 3D Realms shutdown is because.... 3D is so 1996. They're going to start up 4D Realms!!! Forget Duke Nukem Forever, they'll make Duke Nukem Infinity, and then the sequel Infinity +1!!! in 4D!!!! With strippers!!!! and boooooobs!!!
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4 replies · active 838 weeks ago
C'mon, Halolz! We're gonna make our own Duke Nukem game! With blackjack! And hookers! In fact, forget the game!
+1 if you get the reference(s)
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forget the game and the blackjack!
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MasqueNoMercy found +1 E-PEEN!
MasqueNoMercy put +1 E-PEEN in the KEY ITEMS pocket.
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Gamegeneral's avatar

Gamegeneral · 838 weeks ago

Matter o' fact, forget the whole damn thing!
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matter of fact, forget everything, but not the boobies!
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Anyway, how does everyone feel for a Spring 2010 release date?
Anyone?
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I'm hoping it happens earlier. Nintendo wouldn't miss a chance to make that much cash that quickly.
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that is only my favorite bender quote ever. i think...i haven't seen the new movie yet...
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There weren't many good "Bender moments" in it.
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Hmm....four dimensional boobs.... Nick I'm in.

( o Y o ) 4-D FTW.
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OMG! BOOOOBSSS!!!!!
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Anonymous's avatar

Anonymous · 838 weeks ago

Considering the fourth dimension is time, I'd say they were already way ahead of you.
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He's here to kick ass and chew bubblegum! ...And he's all out of ass.
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2 replies · active 838 weeks ago
But the then what does he do when he runs out of gum?
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Haha, yeah right. Check this out, from Reddit.
"Anyone who knows me on this site knows I'm one of the most unconspiratorial Redditors left on the site. None the less, check this out: http://whois.domaintools.com/savedukenukem.com

The domain was registered on 5/7/09, the very same day that 3DRealms announced it was closing. Furthermore, if I recall, that news did not break to the internet at large until very late in the day - sometime in the evening. I haven't registered many domains in my time, but in my experience, it takes at least a few hours to process, up to around 24 hours.

And look at the flow of "leaked" videos and pictures that have been absolutely STREAMING out of 3DRealms in the last four days. There's been more Duke Nukem activity since Duke died than in the last several years of development. And the forums have been filled with people looking at said material and lamenting Duke's doom.

Apparently, we're supposed to believe that 3DRealms has been sitting on all this kickass footage that could have been used to generate HUGE amounts of buzz... and yet did absolutely nothing with it, even as their company was falling apart from beneath them, just a few months after announcing (again) that DNF was about to be released.

Now, this guy (note it's the same e-mail addy) is really small potatoes, at least based on his site, which is the only real flaw in this theory. You'd think 3DRealms would hire someone bigger, unless they were desperate. But everything else fits like a damn glove.

Never the less, you tell me, which scenario sounds more likely: A)3DRealms is staffed by a bunch of idiots who neglected to make use of all kinds of PR material lying around and instead let their company crumble, and in the meantime, this Jeff Shenk guy is SO goddamn smart that the very instant he heard the first rumor that 3DRealms was closing, he went off and registered SaveDukeNukem.com just in case. And put up a "stay tuned..." message just for the hell of it...

Or B)This was all a gigantic P.R. stunt to manipulate the players and the fans with a fake "closure," release tons of footage to restore goodwill, and then to create a fake grassroots "Save Duke!" campaign... all organized by the ad men with the goal of [bleep] with the heads of you and me.

I think it seems pretty obvious which one is more likely.

Edit: OH LOOKEE HERE. Saveduke.com registered by an anonymous proxy the DAY BEFORE 3DRealms' closure was announced. There's nothing at the site yet, but come on... There is absolutely no good explanation for this that doesn't involve asshattery.

Not unless someone can think of some other Duke who also needed to be saved starting a few days ago."
You ALWAYS count on Duke.
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3 replies · active 838 weeks ago
maybe duke university is having financial problems?
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Damn the logic is there....thanks for the info...I'll stay tuned haha.
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Never...? I'VE BEEN WAITING SO LONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG....
;_;
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When they say Duke Nukem Forever, they did mean to say forever to come out.
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Oh wow this is news to me. Damnit that near 10 years of media buzz went to a goddamn waste.

This whole ordeal leaves me with another question: HOW DO YOU NOT GET THE GAME DONE IN THAT LONG OF A TIME?!?

I know designing games is a long a tedious task...but at the least they could've did was release an unfinished product to ease our pain..... T____T
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2 replies · active 838 weeks ago
TF2 took 22 years D:
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why never if the game is done, it will be show at E3
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But what about all the work they put into it? Those three screen shots and that five minutes of video! Was all that effort for nothing?
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I did a comic about this exact thing.

http://ofnoobsandmen.com/2009/05/08/now-the-greav...
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2 replies · active 838 weeks ago
fancy pants's avatar

fancy pants · 838 weeks ago

that comic sir, is a bittersweet win.
I'm glad to have never played Duke Nuk'em and gotten hooked on waiting for this new game.
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*Funeral Theme*
He's been in a coma for years, what makes you think he'd suddenly pull through?
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from what i heard it belongs to take 2 now.
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2 replies · active 838 weeks ago
thats what i heard too :3
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Rest in pieces...
I meant peace!
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Ha, random button, you bring back so many good memories.
Even when you make us realize we were wrong!
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Take Two is supposed to release Duke Nukem Forever. I personally am tired of waiting on this game. My love for all things Duke Nukem has been stumped by twelve years of waiting. I decided it was never going to be released 5 years ago.
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Dukenukem lover's avatar

Dukenukem lover · 838 weeks ago

Good fucking riddance, i loved the Duke, with all my heart, and i am so pleased to hear that he died, with people remembering for what he was, and not what he would have becomed. it would have been painfull to see the duke fail in now and have his name ruined forever and people focusing on what he did now, instead of what he was back then......others could learn from this aswell, to stop while your at your peak, and die with honor.....blue werehogs anyone? no?
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2 replies · active less than 1 minute ago
Dukenukem lover's avatar

Dukenukem lover · 838 weeks ago

fuck the spelling errors, im sick mkay? D:
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Well, Duke 3D is already out on the XBLM and supposedly "Duke Nukem Trilogy" is coming out for the DS in the fall.
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PhaseMetal's avatar

PhaseMetal · 838 weeks ago

*Plays taps*
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You just KNOW someone is gonna make a cruddy ROM-hack of Duke Nukem and title it 'Duke Nukem Eternity' or some crazy stuff like that.

And if they weren't going to before, someone is certainly going to do it now.
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2 replies · active 837 weeks ago
Or, better yet, a TC for Duke 3D running on the eduke32 platform!
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It's not gone! Apogee is A-OK!

IT'S NOT GONE. IT CAN'T BE.
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Doomwaffle's avatar

Doomwaffle · 838 weeks ago

Looks like someone's been to Gamesradar lately!
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Gamegeneral's avatar

Gamegeneral · 838 weeks ago

HOLY SHIT I MIGHT ACTUALLY BE FIRST!
Good riddance. Finally real vaporware, like the smoke rings he blows.
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2 replies · active 838 weeks ago
Congratulations, you completely missed the fact that it now sorts comments by rating by default.
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Gamegeneral's avatar

Gamegeneral · 838 weeks ago

That I did. Oh well.
I guess I'll just have to be first to say something witty next time.
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Luka Tuka's avatar

Luka Tuka · 838 weeks ago

Neat. shame what happend though (damn you Ryo). also SECODNZORZ!!!1!
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