DUKE NUKEM NEVER - “I’m all out of gum”

It’s over Duke! 3D Realms finally closed down… you can rest in peace! Well at least until the Xbox Live remake of your actual good games comes out.
By Michael Shilliday

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Posted by Shawn Handyside on May 12, 2009 · 12:04 AM 
FAILLAMENOT BADPRETTY GOODAWESOME (164 votes, average: 3.68 out of 5)
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Depressing, Duke Nukem, Failure, Motivational, PC, Serious Business

· Leave a comment (46 Comments)


46 Responses to “DUKE NUKEM NEVER”

  1. Gamegeneral on May 12th, 2009 4:17 am

    Good riddance. Finally real vaporware, like the smoke rings he blows.

  2. Luka Tuka on May 12th, 2009 4:22 am

    Neat. shame what happend though (damn you Ryo). also SECODNZORZ!!!1!

  3. MrRaccoon on May 12th, 2009 4:34 am

    Rest in pieces…
    I meant peace!

  4. Doomwaffle on May 11th, 2009 11:57 pm

    Looks like someone's been to Gamesradar lately!

  5. Ryder on May 12th, 2009 5:04 am

    It's not gone! Apogee is A-OK!


  6. Rogan on May 12th, 2009 5:05 am

    from what i heard it belongs to take 2 now.

  7. Thad on May 12th, 2009 5:33 am

    You just KNOW someone is gonna make a cruddy ROM-hack of Duke Nukem and title it 'Duke Nukem Eternity' or some crazy stuff like that.

    And if they weren't going to before, someone is certainly going to do it now.

  8. Kbman on May 12th, 2009 5:38 am

    *Funeral Theme*
    He's been in a coma for years, what makes you think he'd suddenly pull through?

  9. PhaseMetal on May 12th, 2009 6:08 am

    *Plays taps*

  10. Azgaflamazuk on May 12th, 2009 8:14 am

    I did a comic about this exact thing.


  11. Taiho on May 12th, 2009 8:58 am

    But what about all the work they put into it? Those three screen shots and that five minutes of video! Was all that effort for nothing?

  12. Nick Soapdish on May 12th, 2009 7:31 am

    Look the real reason 3D Realms shutdown is because…. 3D is so 1996. They're going to start up 4D Realms!!! Forget Duke Nukem Forever, they'll make Duke Nukem Infinity, and then the sequel Infinity +1!!! in 4D!!!! With strippers!!!! and boooooobs!!!

  13. Googily on May 12th, 2009 12:04 pm

    Haha, yeah right. Check this out, from Reddit.
    "Anyone who knows me on this site knows I'm one of the most unconspiratorial Redditors left on the site. None the less, check this out: http://whois.domaintools.com/savedukenukem.com

    The domain was registered on 5/7/09, the very same day that 3DRealms announced it was closing. Furthermore, if I recall, that news did not break to the internet at large until very late in the day -- sometime in the evening. I haven't registered many domains in my time, but in my experience, it takes at least a few hours to process, up to around 24 hours.

    And look at the flow of "leaked" videos and pictures that have been absolutely STREAMING out of 3DRealms in the last four days. There's been more Duke Nukem activity since Duke died than in the last several years of development. And the forums have been filled with people looking at said material and lamenting Duke's doom.

    Apparently, we're supposed to believe that 3DRealms has been sitting on all this kickass footage that could have been used to generate HUGE amounts of buzz… and yet did absolutely nothing with it, even as their company was falling apart from beneath them, just a few months after announcing (again) that DNF was about to be released.

    Now, this guy (note it's the same e-mail addy) is really small potatoes, at least based on his site, which is the only real flaw in this theory. You'd think 3DRealms would hire someone bigger, unless they were desperate. But everything else fits like a damn glove.

    Never the less, you tell me, which scenario sounds more likely: A)3DRealms is staffed by a bunch of idiots who neglected to make use of all kinds of PR material lying around and instead let their company crumble, and in the meantime, this Jeff Shenk guy is SO goddamn smart that the very instant he heard the first rumor that 3DRealms was closing, he went off and registered SaveDukeNukem.com just in case. And put up a "stay tuned…" message just for the hell of it…

    Or B)This was all a gigantic P.R. stunt to manipulate the players and the fans with a fake "closure," release tons of footage to restore goodwill, and then to create a fake grassroots "Save Duke!" campaign… all organized by the ad men with the goal of [bleep] with the heads of you and me.

    I think it seems pretty obvious which one is more likely.

    Edit: OH LOOKEE HERE. Saveduke.com registered by an anonymous proxy the DAY BEFORE 3DRealms' closure was announced. There's nothing at the site yet, but come on… There is absolutely no good explanation for this that doesn't involve asshattery.

    Not unless someone can think of some other Duke who also needed to be saved starting a few days ago."
    You ALWAYS count on Duke.

  14. Leo058 on May 12th, 2009 12:52 pm

    He's here to kick ass and chew bubblegum! …And he's all out of ass.

  15. Leo058 on May 12th, 2009 1:08 pm

    C'mon, Halolz! We're gonna make our own Duke Nukem game! With blackjack! And hookers! In fact, forget the game!
    +1 if you get the reference(s)

  16. g1drake on May 12th, 2009 2:47 pm

    why never if the game is done, it will be show at E3

  17. Paiv on May 12th, 2009 3:41 pm

    Oh wow this is news to me. Damnit that near 10 years of media buzz went to a goddamn waste.

    This whole ordeal leaves me with another question: HOW DO YOU NOT GET THE GAME DONE IN THAT LONG OF A TIME?!?

    I know designing games is a long a tedious task…but at the least they could've did was release an unfinished product to ease our pain….. T____T

  18. KidWithTheFace on May 12th, 2009 4:10 pm

    that is only my favorite bender quote ever. i think…i haven't seen the new movie yet…

  19. SalNightmare209 on May 12th, 2009 12:50 pm

    When they say Duke Nukem Forever, they did mean to say forever to come out.

  20. Sane Intolerant on May 12th, 2009 6:51 pm

    Well, Duke 3D is already out on the XBLM and supposedly "Duke Nukem Trilogy" is coming out for the DS in the fall.

  21. Dukenukem lover on May 12th, 2009 4:53 pm

    Good fucking riddance, i loved the Duke, with all my heart, and i am so pleased to hear that he died, with people remembering for what he was, and not what he would have becomed. it would have been painfull to see the duke fail in now and have his name ruined forever and people focusing on what he did now, instead of what he was back then……others could learn from this aswell, to stop while your at your peak, and die with honor…..blue werehogs anyone? no?

  22. Josh on May 13th, 2009 2:42 am

    Take Two is supposed to release Duke Nukem Forever. I personally am tired of waiting on this game. My love for all things Duke Nukem has been stumped by twelve years of waiting. I decided it was never going to be released 5 years ago.

  23. KingofRetards on May 13th, 2009 11:30 pm


  24. AManWithACloak on September 16th, 2011 1:56 am

    Ha, random button, you bring back so many good memories.
    Even when you make us realize we were wrong!

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