Saturday, June 07, 2025


FALCON PUNCH - IRONICALLY INEFFECTIVE AGAINST FALCONS

Hotrods4ben has discovered a fatal flaw in the most epic of special attacks!

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Posted by Shawn Handyside on March 13, 2009 · 1:23 AM 
FAILLAMENOT BADPRETTY GOODAWESOME (230 votes, average: 4.12 out of 5)
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Categories:
F-Zero, Failure, FALCON PAAAANCH, Irony, Motivational, Nintendo, Special Attacks, StarFox, Super Smash Bros, Wii

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Methinks this Falcon Flaw should be scientifically tested because if the Falcon Punch can blow up worlds, create symmetrical violence, create a religion, and kill Chuck Norris, I am extremely sure it could kill a bird.
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3 replies · active 828 weeks ago
SCIENCE!
e_e
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Bill Nye happens to be an expert on this subject.
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Me and a friend did test the subject scientifically.
Our Test subject took a pawnch to the balls and didn't die.
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So this is why DK's Donkey Punch had no effect on my neighbor's donkey. I swear, that thing is such a pain in the ass. It doesn't even let Wolf do that!
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3 replies · active 847 weeks ago
does donkey punching a donkey mean you were involved in interspecies erotica?

on second thought, dont answer that
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Wow. Should have seen that one coming.
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KidWithTheFace's avatar

KidWithTheFace · 847 weeks ago

i'll let the internet judge you for donkey punching a donkey...but points for the pun.
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Ha! This is falcontacular.
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Hm. Maybe it doesn't affect him because he's a devout follower of Falconism?
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2 replies · active 847 weeks ago
KidWithTheFace's avatar

KidWithTheFace · 847 weeks ago

if i recall correctly, falco loves showing his moves. so you're probably right.
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Captain Falcon should use RISING KNEE.

That would be super effective against a flying-type.
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2 replies · active 847 weeks ago
It's not called rising knee. It had been named "THE JUSTICE PHALANGE"

Yes I do realize that makes no sense, but it sounds awesome to yell when you use it on someone and it distracts them.
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Off-Screen Douche's avatar

Off-Screen Douche · 847 weeks ago

WOMBO COMBO
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Runeblade's avatar

Runeblade · 847 weeks ago

What this picture doesn't show is Captain Falcon jumping out of the screen to Falcon Punch the player he gave the immense privelege of controlling him for being such a fucktard.
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No guys, you're wrong, all wrong. Clearly, this is a screencap from Captain Falcon's latest appearance in a Japanese samurai movie.

In this scene, not only is he so badass that he drops his sword to fight with his bare fists and knees, but also badass enough to deliver a Falcon punch straight to his opponent's heart. Like in most samurai movies, Falco seems unharmed...until Falcon walks away, causing his entire chest to explode.
AWWWWWWW YEAAAAAAAAAAAAH.
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This picture is shoped, there is no way someone can block a Falcon Punch.
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It would hurt, but this Falcon can withstand temperatures of up to 9000 degrees!
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Billy Mays's avatar

Billy Mays · 847 weeks ago

This picture is a lie. Remember that episode of Dragonball Z when Mr. Satan punch Android 18 and it had that delay effect? The same thing is happening here. Delayed Falcon Punch.
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2 replies · active 847 weeks ago
But it wasn't a delayed effect. 18 was pretending to be hurt by that punch.
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Bily Mays's avatar

Bily Mays · 847 weeks ago

Lies we all now know Mr. Satan saved us from Cell!
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Heressy. The only entity capable of equilibrium or balance against Falcon is Wolf.
I can see the horror in falco's eyes, he knows he is a fallen idol.
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1 reply · active 847 weeks ago
Well if he didn't want to be Falcon Punched, he shouldn't have gone around calling himself 'Captain Falco'.
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"You cannot be serious... YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS! D=
*Falcon glitch!*
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well, it looks to me that captain falcon's arch rival, wolf odonnell is the cause of this. captain falcon tried to show falco his moves... and then

cant let you show that, falcon punch
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smashwhammy's avatar

smashwhammy · 842 weeks ago

possible starman intervention?
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Sinister Minister's avatar

Sinister Minister · 846 weeks ago

Haha, the punch is ineffective so all the devout followers have to tell themselves lies so they don't get hurt by this new revelation. :P Loving it.
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Mad Hatter's avatar

Mad Hatter · 847 weeks ago

What? I thougt, the only two, who could survive a Falcon Punch are Chuck Norris and Wolf. And Wolf, cause he wouldnt let Falcon do that.
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Shadow Link's avatar

Shadow Link · 847 weeks ago

I really don't see how Falco is a falcon. I mean...the beak fits, but his coloration makes me think of a cross between a blue jay and a parrot or something. :/
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1 reply · active 847 weeks ago
And the name totally isn't falcon with the last letter dropped. That surely wouldn't have anything to do with it.
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toiletmunger's avatar

toiletmunger · 847 weeks ago

Actually, Falco's a blue jay. He's named after a singer named Falco or something.
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1 reply · active 847 weeks ago
He's actually a falcon, but he is named after a singer named Falco and a special effects artist with the last name Lombardi.
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Captain Falcon: *sniff* it didn,t work,why, WHYYYYYYYYYYYYY
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Anonymous Coward's avatar

Anonymous Coward · 847 weeks ago

It's about to hit him. They just warped time and space to give us this mere instant before Falco was instantly cleaved in twain.
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Captain Falcon used FALCON PUNCH. It's not very effective...

Well duh. It's the same element.
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1 reply · active 847 weeks ago
Poketard here.
tell that to dragons and ghosts.

also, its not ineffective; he actually did so much demmage that instead of punching him to other side of the screen the punch went right trough him, crushing all his bones and randering his flash. look at his face man! its like my face whan i get kicked in the -
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