That's checkmate, partner. - TF2 Chess

A strange game. The only winning move is not to play. How about a nice game of L4D?
By Pandadrake

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Posted by Shawn Handyside on August 9, 2011 · 4:09 PM 
FAILLAMENOT BADPRETTY GOODAWESOME (407 votes, average: 4.77 out of 5)
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Artistic, Chillaxin', Off Duty, Sequential Art, Sneak Attack, Team Fortress 2, Things Are Heating Up, Valve Software

· Leave a comment (113 Comments)


113 Responses to “That’s checkmate, partner.”

  1. Xenrek on August 9th, 2011 4:18 pm

    Well, going to need to start writing up rules for this alternative method of chess playing.

    going to need 3 chess sets, a 17x17 tile board, 16 20-sided dice, and willing test subjects…

  2. GameboyPATH on August 9th, 2011 4:26 pm

    Engineer countered by adding another swamp card to his rook which would allow him to headshot the bishop, cast firaga from the knight, and eventually move all the way to peppermint forest, where he could align with his men on Boardwalk to make a connect four, earning him 50 points for a straight flush.

  3. mikeorike on August 9th, 2011 4:31 pm

    I feel compelled to start making my own rules of chess. Hmmm…

    Him: I move my bishop here, and that's checkmate
    Me: HA! Little did you know that that tile was booby-trapped with man-eating monkeys!
    Him: But, I brought Man-Eating Monkey Repellant!
    Me: Still! My queen can escape through the secret passage i built behind the vines!
    Him: But it's not Thursday!
    Me:…I have a lighter!
    Him: DAMMIT

  4. TheInsaneWombat on August 9th, 2011 4:32 pm

    And then the Engineer reveals that there is a ten Engy sentry farm right around the corner.


    You're right, that wasn't funny. I'll go sit in the corner.

  5. madhatter0082 on August 9th, 2011 4:37 pm

    Yea, but now you gotta bring the king back to your HQ. Good luck with that.

  6. VaultLegend on August 9th, 2011 4:37 pm

    Heavy is King of Chess!

  7. HoopleDoople on August 9th, 2011 4:49 pm

    Only six classes and no hats? WTF is this crap! And those rooks… the noobs won't quit with the W plus M1

  8. Kirbyzilla on August 9th, 2011 4:50 pm

    I don't see any problems. This is how I play chess, isn't it for all of us?

  9. razorman715 on August 9th, 2011 5:15 pm

    This only proves that there will be a TF2 board game.

    Roll a 1: Move 1 space
    Roll a 2: Attack
    Roll a 3:Buy a hat
    Roll a 4: Buy a hat
    Roll a 5:Sell a hat
    Roll a 6: Sell your family to buy more hats

    There are no winners…. Except valve.

  10. jyndtactica on August 9th, 2011 5:16 pm

    Next month the TF2 Chess update!
    Spy's with bishop hats!
    The unmovable Heavy has his Rook hat on!

  11. TheArrived on August 9th, 2011 5:17 pm

    Bishop is Sappin' mah Knight!

  12. Je2iah on August 9th, 2011 5:20 pm

    I saw this in a thread on the TF2 forums sometime last year. It's gone now. Too bad, I coulda found the artist :P

  13. Ovahdrive on August 9th, 2011 5:22 pm

    Rook: I love this Bishop!

  14. GazzyW007 on August 9th, 2011 5:26 pm

    Pfffff. Real Men Play Lord Loss Chess.

  15. BTSnoogans on August 9th, 2011 5:32 pm

    I'm gonna piss off some of my friends by playing with that rule.

  16. Sr_Pantalones on August 9th, 2011 5:37 pm

    It needs more hats…

  17. Water_Fire_type on August 9th, 2011 5:50 pm

    ▲ ▲

  18. Omnomynous on August 9th, 2011 5:50 pm


    I would add something else for Medic, But I've never played TF2 and I ran out of pieces :/

  19. Rathial on August 9th, 2011 6:12 pm

    mmph mmhmmph!
    is pyro speak for "That queen is a spy!"

    Playing against the spy isn't as bad as playing against the sniper though his queen can kill your king from across the board.

  20. Tacogod225 on August 9th, 2011 6:14 pm

    Well that may be, but your spy is a……..DOUBLE AGENT! WITH A HAT!

  21. CriticalQuit on August 9th, 2011 6:27 pm

    Engineer is smart enough to be a master at chess.

    Spy is smart enough to know he can still win by annoying the hell out of Engie until he ragequits.

  22. chetoos8 on August 9th, 2011 6:40 pm

    Player 1: Redmonds opening, sign of a coward
    Player 2: Blutarch's defense, sign of an idiot

  23. TheAl41 on August 9th, 2011 6:44 pm

    I keep losing…. cheap camping blue paratroop a sniper :(

  24. Paulrus-Keaton? on August 9th, 2011 7:08 pm

    <img src="; alt="some_text">

    In every game of TF2 there is always a Spy, and there is always a victim. The more control the victim thinks he has, the more likely he is to get backstabbed. Gradually he will rage quit; I, as the Spy, just help him along.

  25. MasterLuigi452 on August 9th, 2011 7:29 pm

    A chess game that requires the skill of TF2?
    Tell me folks. Where do I buy that?

  26. Armetron on August 9th, 2011 7:43 pm

    Spy's sapping all my chest peaces

  27. PortalMan118 on August 9th, 2011 8:26 pm

    A game for only the classiest of TF2 players…

  28. Hipsters! on August 9th, 2011 8:50 pm

    Bah, ever since Chess went F2P it’s just gone downhill.

  29. Leo E. on August 9th, 2011 9:29 pm

    I come home from a long errand fraught with bullshit, and am greeted with the funniest thing I've seen in a while?

    Oh Halolz, I love you. ♥

  30. Steve on August 9th, 2011 9:35 pm


  31. WheelMan1337 on August 9th, 2011 11:06 pm

    Ladies and mentlegen… The world's first Spycheck.

  32. nadare6912 on August 9th, 2011 11:14 pm

    In the second panel the engineer has a bare left hand, in the last panel he put his glove back on he was so mad.

  33. BoxeyBrown on August 9th, 2011 11:44 pm

    Spys: They Ruin Every Game!!!

  34. ChemicalKirby on August 9th, 2011 11:50 pm

    The next time I'm loosing at chess, i will try this and see where it takes me

  35. FiveEight on August 10th, 2011 1:15 am

    Artist is

    have a nice day

  36. Korogoth on August 10th, 2011 1:54 pm

    Somehow the fact that the spah snorts while laughing make it that much more funny for me.

  37. ElevenWord88621 on February 3rd, 2015 9:27 pm

    Engy:My pawn triple jumps to your tower.Me:*rolls a double* Thats my defense you cant do anything now!!! Engy:My Tower Evolves into MegaTowerzard and now he can kill all pawns now. Me:My queen sues your tower for assault on her pawns. Engy:Mr.monopoly gives me get out of jail free card. Me:I Jumped all you rooks and scoped your king.I win. Engy:That was a hologram and the king was secretly a pawn and assassinated my king. Me:MY KING HAD…had…uhh…I cant compete with that. Engy:Yahtzee!!!

  38. ElevenWord88621 on February 3rd, 2015 9:39 pm

    Just like…Freddy:Thats not fair! Me:Whats not fair? Bonnie:You brought a generator to work for unlimited power?! Chica:You are the first guard to think outside the box…I think…Foxy: I lad. Ye cant do that at freddy and friends. The boss wont like it. Me:Um…just wait…You guys make me pizza?Then i will stop.Kay? Chica:DEAL!!! Bonnie: Chica…its for him. Chica:AWWWWWW…

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