Dr. Captain T Falcon presents his new invention, the Portable Pawnch!(TM)

Necessity is the mother of invention!
Created by Jaerex, screenshot by ShrdsofGlss

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Posted by Shawn Handyside on April 24, 2009 · 12:05 PM 
FAILLAMENOT BADPRETTY GOODAWESOME (480 votes, average: 4.65 out of 5)
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F-Zero, FALCON PAAAANCH, Fists of Fury, Growth Spurt, Konami, Metal Gear Solid, Nintendo, Science/Math, Special Attacks, Super Smash Bros, Teamwork, Wii

· Leave a comment (86 Comments)


86 Responses to “Portable Pawnch!(TM)”

  1. BigT on April 24th, 2009 4:10 pm

    For winners, by winners

  2. AuraMaster on April 24th, 2009 4:16 pm

    Portable Pawnch: For when you have to show your moves on the go!

  3. Jaerex on April 24th, 2009 4:42 pm

    It was either this or "And so Falcon created man in his own image."

  4. tveye on April 24th, 2009 4:43 pm

    A little "meh".

  5. SalNightmare209 on April 24th, 2009 4:51 pm

    So hello to my little friend! Mini-Falcon now with iTunes!

  6. Leo058 on April 24th, 2009 5:03 pm

    Because people can try to stop you from doing that anywhere.

  7. Teradohn on April 24th, 2009 5:11 pm

    That screenshot is made of win.

  8. Zink120 on April 24th, 2009 5:30 pm

    Love it. 5'd
    And, indeed Jaerex is right: "And so Falcon created man in his own image." lol

    It must be held at arm's length to prevent the user burning up in a flame of awesome, as mortals are not meant to wield such a pawnch!

  9. Sigma on April 24th, 2009 5:45 pm

    That would make a wicked plasmid for Bioshock 2!

  10. KidWithTheFace on April 24th, 2009 6:02 pm

    Snake doesn't seem like a good potential investor for this. Personally, I would've gone for DK first. He seems like the most likely to put his money into a novelty item.

  11. MrRaccoon on April 24th, 2009 6:21 pm

    Portable Pawnch: Better tha holy water!

  12. MrRaccoon on April 24th, 2009 6:21 pm

    Portable Pawnch: Better tha holy water!
    Or a holy grenade

  13. FoxyMayo on April 24th, 2009 2:23 pm

    A Falcon Punch in your pocket? Wouldn't that result in kind of a castration than a surprise abortion?

  14. falcon on April 24th, 2009 6:52 pm

    Its dangerous to go alone take this *Hands over Mini falcon pawnch*

  15. Luka Tuka on April 24th, 2009 8:28 pm

    Congrats, you have won the internet. give it a nickname?

  16. Taiho on April 24th, 2009 9:04 pm

    Why hello there! Aren't you a funny little fellow! What was that? Why yes, I'll come closer. *pawnch* AAAUUUGH! MY FACE! HE BROKE MY FACE!!!

  17. Kevin_J167 on April 24th, 2009 9:04 pm

    Sup dawg, I heard you like Captain Falcon, so we put Captain Falcon in your Captain Falcon so you can pawnch while you pawnch!

  18. codemaster525 on April 24th, 2009 9:57 pm

    I can see this in the nintendo store in NY soon.

  19. KingofRetards on April 24th, 2009 10:32 pm

    GOD DAMNIT! I was just about to send a submission that had this picture in it… oh well, funny anyways.

  20. Paulrus on April 24th, 2009 11:11 pm

    Hi, Billy Mays here for the Portable Pawnch: the only, contact-free way to to may your foe's day!

    Here's how it works. You just pull out the Portable Pawnch, point at your enemy, and it does the rest!

    The secret is our patented Micro-Moves technology, which allows the Portable Pawnch to always pack the same amount of wallop every time.


    Use it in the home! The work! The commute! Or even outdoors!

    Other products are sold at over $50, but in this special TV offer you can have it for only $14.99: that's more than HALF the price of the others!

    Any foe, big or small, Portable Pawnch pwns them all!

    But i'm not done yet! Call now, and we'll throw in another Portable Pawnch ABSOLUTELY FREE! Now you can have another Prtable Pawnch to keep in the car or the work.

    Portable Pawnch makes a great gift, and comes with a 5-year warranty!

    You'll also receive a free and convenient holder, so you can keep track of your Portable Pawnch, where ever you go!

    You get the Portable Pawnch, the free Portable Pawnch, and the holder for NOT $50. NOT $25. But $14.99! Only on this special TV offer!

    Here's how to order!

  21. sooper dood on April 24th, 2009 11:37 pm

    sooper dooper epic wiin :D

  22. Paiv on April 24th, 2009 11:49 pm


  23. Doc ock rokc on April 25th, 2009 12:44 am

    Say hello to my LITTLE FRIEND!

  24. Ripshot on April 25th, 2009 2:45 am

    This is so perfect I can't even describe it further than just saying


  25. D00D64 on April 25th, 2009 3:27 am


  26. Gamegeneral on April 25th, 2009 3:27 am

    It's not the size of it.
    It's how you use it.

  27. Joshy206 on April 25th, 2009 3:54 am

    Wow. Austin Powers flashback!

  28. James on April 25th, 2009 1:01 pm

    This would be even more awesomely funny if Billy Mays were peddling it.

  29. Spolin on April 25th, 2009 10:15 am

    Now to work on the Portable Pawnch Portable Pawnch, an even smaller Falcon that your mini Falcon can use.

    Thus begins the process of making smaller and smaller Falcons until you have ones so small they can literally Falcon Punch Virus' and Bacteria.

    Now available, Falcon Kick! (TM), a fluid made up of microscopic Falcons that will Falcon Punch any unwanted molecules! Works for cleaning, fighting colds, abortions, curing Cancer, curing AIDS and curing any disease known to man! (Warning, side effects include nausea, heartburn, indigestion, upset stomach, diarrhea and exploding, when taken orally or not)

  30. Eight_Ball on April 25th, 2009 2:35 pm

    Just one problem… CAPTAIN FALCON'S MIDDLE NAME IS JAY!!!!!

  31. g1drake on April 25th, 2009 5:43 pm

    perfect to punch your foes in the ball….*sneak*falcon PUNCH

  32. RoboRed on April 25th, 2009 7:06 pm

    I just love Snake's expression. He's jsut slightly leaning forward with a kinda "wha?" expression.

  33. Zach The Maniac on April 25th, 2009 8:23 pm

    Obviously captain falcon is just showing snake one of his moves.

  34. Leo058 on April 25th, 2009 8:38 pm

    But this creates a new dilemma… what does the "T" stand for?

  35. king_Narutoast on April 26th, 2009 2:58 am

    Portable peach sucks. She rots in your pocket and attracts toads.

  36. king_Narutoast on April 26th, 2009 3:02 am

    portable pawnch pwns noobs and gives you complete non-toad satisfaction

  37. falcon pwn on May 1st, 2009 11:25 pm

    the T stands for "tactical"

  38. Mountain_Man on May 2nd, 2009 11:31 pm

    Everything is better when it's portable.
    Especially a falcon punch. XD

  39. BlueChameleon on May 8th, 2009 9:30 pm

    You know what made this more epic?

  40. Portable Pawnch TM Halolz | Wood TV Stand on May 31st, 2009 7:25 pm

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  41. Ryven on June 1st, 2009 6:31 pm

    that is all i can say

  42. General S on August 18th, 2009 6:15 am

    it slices,
    it dices

    and it paunches t3h shit outta people

    for the limited offer of 9.95

  43. DClaw on October 27th, 2009 7:07 pm

    I'll call him George! I'll love him and hug him and squeeze him!

  44. SubGravity on January 30th, 2010 10:52 pm

    Just tell me how much it is, cause I am buying that!!!

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