Team Rocket Logic

Clearly logic isn’t their strong suit. I mean they’re the largest criminal organization in the world and all their foot soldiers get are zubats and rattatas…
By moyerr

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Posted by Shawn Handyside on September 20, 2012 · 3:02 PM 
FAILLAMENOT BADPRETTY GOODAWESOME (206 votes, average: 4.80 out of 5)
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Categories:
Bad Ideas, Explosives, Nintendo, Pokémon, Special Attacks

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51 Responses to “Team Rocket Logic”

  1. Zink120 on September 20th, 2012 3:13 pm

    One of the more surprising things about the reboot the anime series got for Black and White was that Team Rocket was suddenly competent. No more blasting off, they flew off like (visible) ninjas with hang gliders.
    (Though I must say I only bothered with the first few episodes and they probably quickly reverted to being useless after I stopped watching…)
    Edit -- was I supposed to say "first"? Umad, Stalin?

  2. Newt on September 20th, 2012 3:16 pm

    Look, BUDDY. I'm a GRUNT.
    That means I block doorways.
    Not doorways like GIOVANNI's chamber, because that would fall into the purview of your ELITEs
    I block superfluous doorways.
    For instance, how am I going to protect you from this dangerous POTION here?
    The answer: use a Pokemon.
    And if that don't work; use more Pokemon.
    For example, take a look at this here level 30 VOLTORB.
    Caught by me.
    Trained by me.
    And you'd best hope: not using SELF-DESTRUCT on you.

  3. VaultLegend on September 20th, 2012 3:18 pm

    If he's lucky, he'll get that promotion he's been hoping for.

    Comes with a free Raticate and zubat.

  4. Vabolo on September 20th, 2012 3:31 pm

    lol I had my haunter out

  5. Ragnellrok on September 20th, 2012 3:31 pm

    Trainer sends out level 100 Alakazam… Grunt sends out level 15 Zubat… wonders why he lost…

  6. Zyquux on September 20th, 2012 3:39 pm

    I'm not sure the picture is big enough.

  7. MetroidJunkie on September 20th, 2012 3:42 pm

    Team Rocket; less of a threat than grass that hasn't been mowed.

    <img src="http://cdn.smosh.com/sites/default/files/bloguploads/funny-game-logic-pokemon-team-rocket.jpg&quot; alt="Oak" height="250" width="400">

  8. Jostimaster on September 20th, 2012 4:04 pm
  9. Caelun_Niveus on September 20th, 2012 4:17 pm

    Team Rocket, consisting of Jessie, James, and Meowth, may not have changed…

    However, Giovanni is disturbingly savvy, sending the trio there to get Team Plasma to expose themselves knowing that, by just being themselves, the bumbling idiots will succeed in that allowing the main of Team Rocket to act properly.

  10. Omnomynous on September 20th, 2012 4:17 pm

    hmm… we should have something like this for every villain team! ( this is now a #stupidpokemonteams thread) I'll start with Nuzlcoke comics on Team Plasma!

    <img src="http://www.nuzlocke.com/comics/090white.png"&gt;

  11. Caelun_Niveus on September 20th, 2012 4:19 pm

    Playing a Nuzlocke (and at current without a single ghost type), I am honestly fearing when I have to face these guys…

  12. chipznsallza on September 20th, 2012 4:21 pm

    tried to scale it down, obviously didn't work out like i planned

  13. Alpar on September 20th, 2012 4:31 pm

    Terrorize an entire region with a team of Pokemon probably caught in the wild and never trained

    I CAN'T BELIEVE I LOST TO SOME KID.

  14. vash_ts on September 20th, 2012 4:49 pm

    If god wanted you to live, He would not have created ME!!!

  15. blargenth on September 20th, 2012 5:21 pm

    And yet he has two poke' balls…….. (And a great ball on his belt I think)

  16. Mindlessinvalid on September 20th, 2012 6:12 pm

    It's true. How many 10 year olds can actually mow the lawn competently? But think of all the 10 year olds who single handedly took down the worlds largest criminal organization. I had already crushed team rocket 5 times by the time I was ten.

  17. Deep Thought on September 20th, 2012 6:21 pm

    Team Galactic Grunt: I fear no GRUNT… but that… thing… it scares me.
    Team Aqua Grunt: No, I- I ain't talkin' about that freak, alright? He- He's not here, is he? HOW DO I GET THIS FREAKIN' THING OFF?
    Team Rocket Elite: One shudders to imagine what in-human thoughts like under that hat… what dreams of chronic and sustained cruelty.
    *Cue Red*
    Red: …

  18. DiamyoAlex on September 20th, 2012 6:35 pm

    I am Heavy Grunt. And these, are my Voltorbs. It cost 400,000 dollars PER VOLTORB.

    Some people thing they can outsmart me. Maybe, maybe. I have yet to see man that can outsmart self-destruct.

  19. Suzuki on September 20th, 2012 6:38 pm

    actually at ten i was somewhat competent enough to mow my lawn- just saying

  20. HughbertEsq on September 20th, 2012 6:48 pm

    This further convinces me that Pokemon is in some technologically repressed universe where means of self-defence and common sense are low in number and stature.

  21. Marzen on September 20th, 2012 6:50 pm

    Or if you're me…

    Enemy uses self destruct with his only Pokemon.

    I still lose.

  22. Restam111 on September 20th, 2012 6:50 pm

    *Nuzlocke

  23. Restam111 on September 20th, 2012 6:52 pm

    actually, if it knew self destruct, it would be a koffing, or maybe a voltorb

  24. Omnomynous on September 20th, 2012 7:01 pm

    Time for a long re-enactment!

    *laughter from operating room*
    "…And then, when he woke up, his Shinies were missing, and the trainer WAS NEVER HEARD FROM AGAIN1'
    *laughter from grunt and Charon*
    Charon:"Anyways, that's how i lost my Trainer's Licence."
    *Grunt stops laughing*
    *Starly pops out*
    Charon: "Archimedes, no! It's filthy in there.Ugh!"
    *turn to Grunt*
    Charon:"Starlies!"
    *Grabs Pokeball and Exp. Share*
    Charon:"Now, most pokemon can't survive this much experience, but I'm confident your Croagunk-"
    *explosion*
    Plasma Grunt:"What was noise?"
    Charon:"It's the sound of EV Training, my friend."
    *Goes into Rotom-F, grabs perfect EV/IV Toxicroak"
    Rotom-F:"Train me."
    Charon:"Never."
    *attaches EXP Share*
    Charon:Come on….Come on….*Maniacal laugh*
    Plasma Grunt:*Nervous laugh*
    *Stabilization complete*
    Charon:"Well, that looks good."
    Plasma Grunt:"So…what happens now?"
    Charon:"Now?*chuckles* LET'S GO CAPTURE HEATRAN."

  25. Omnomynous on September 20th, 2012 7:02 pm

    Thank you for eliminating my last chance of typo correction!

  26. Omnomynous on September 20th, 2012 7:03 pm

    Which Nuzlocke are you playing? because you know, you can get a Steel type…

  27. Rexxmech on September 20th, 2012 7:25 pm

    This is why you guys get Zubat and Rattata, you aren't responsible enough for something better.

  28. tstriker1 on September 20th, 2012 7:36 pm

    Wait, why is the Gaga grunt the heavy?

  29. Vabolo on September 20th, 2012 8:03 pm

    Because of reasons
    [youtube QOSR76VHhII rel="nofollow"> youtube]

  30. Vabolo on September 20th, 2012 8:11 pm

    Grass growths, birds HM02 fly, drought shines, and brother,

    <img src="http://solarblade.files.wordpress.com/2011/02/timburr.png?w=300&h=243&quot; /img>

    I hurt people.

  31. pokemon_girl on September 20th, 2012 8:12 pm

    Well, he is a grunt, it's to be expected. I was just confused when I fought Lance for the second time in SS and his last pokemon Altaria used perish song. He's the Champion!

  32. Icesickle97 on September 20th, 2012 10:06 pm

    …I'm not the only one who thought that vein on the right side of it's face was it's eye at first, right?

  33. Ragnellrok on September 20th, 2012 10:34 pm

    …Not talking about the move list… Talking about the idiocy involved with the idea of sending something useless out like a Zubat which I do believe is the herpes of the pokemon world, all the teams before Black/White had them… a Voltorb or Koffing would have fit the comic better but aren't as common and aren't as widely despised and known as the one known as Zubat.

  34. Vabolo on September 21st, 2012 12:18 am

    Due to sudden corporate sponsorship, Nuzlocke shall now be registered under the name of "Nuzlcoke(tm)".

    Incidentally, every evil team in the series is now Team Pepsi.

  35. Vabolo on September 21st, 2012 12:19 am

    Or a pokémon with Damp.

    BECAUSE WATER ABSORB JUST WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU, QUAGSIRE.

  36. Vabolo on September 21st, 2012 12:22 am

    Well, give the man fifteen seasons of having to deal with those incompetent rogues and their surprisingly strong union…

  37. Caelun_Niveus on September 21st, 2012 1:01 am

    Current run: SoulSilver

    I actually plan to make five runs (Emerald, XD, Platninum, and then White 2) and maybe get someone who can actually draw make them into a comic…

    However, the biggest thing is I think the only Steel types in Gen II were Steelix (While I did meet a Shiny Onix I had my catch for that route and had to kill it) and Skarmorary…

    so that only leaves Damp and I am running out of water to fish from…

  38. Vabolo on September 21st, 2012 1:16 am

    Now picture this: in Gen 1, all moves had at least a 1/256 chance to miss, even if they had 100% accuracy.

    Turn 1:
    Your Alakazam misses the first psychic.
    Zubat successfully lands a Supersonic.

    Turn 2:
    Your Alakazam hits itself in its confusion.

    Now here's how damage was calculated:
    ((((Level * 0.4 * Crit) + 2) * Attack Stat * Base Power of move / 50 / Defense of defending pokemon) + 2) * Multiplier * (Random number between 217 and 255) / 255

    Seeing how your Alakazam is level 100 and that confusion damage has a BP of 40, and saying that it has max stats, the formula would go as so:

    ((((100*0.4)+2)*198*40/50/188)+2)*255/255

    resulting in a devastating 37 hit point loss, bringing you from 313HP to 276HP.

    Now is the Winged Menace's turn.

    I just leveled a lvl10 Zubat to lvl 15, and these are its stats:

    19 Attack, 18 Defense, 24 Speed and 17 Special. BEWARE!

    Fun fact: despite having access to the elusive and super effective Leech Life (BP 20), Zubat learns Bite (BP 60) at lvl15, which dishes out more damage than the previous move in the end, if such a thing is imaginable. SO:

    ((((15 * 0.4 * 2) + 2) * 17 * 60 / 50 /188) + 2) * 255 / 255

    With a critical hit, this nocturnal motherfucker deals a solid 8 damage.

    You are now down to 268HP.

    Turn 3:
    No dice; spoon to Alakazam's face.
    231HP left
    The fangtom menace deals another critical strike!
    223HP remains.

    Turn 4:
    Dazed and confused, Alakazam becomes braised and contused!
    194HP
    Another critical batarang!
    186HP left!

    Turn 5:
    Stop hitting yourself!
    157HP
    Haha, this sure bites!
    149HP

    Turn 6:
    FINALLY, confusion is over! You are free to disintegrate that zubat with your mind!

    …Until Lady Luck shows you her backhand. PSYCHIC misses again!

    Zubat, giving no fucks, shows you a supersonik/electronik show!

    Turn 7:
    You guessed it.
    120HP.
    Zubat latches onto your critical spot like a TF2 player on an unusual.
    112HP.

    Turn 8:
    You should probably take the die that doesn't always roll 1s.
    75HP!
    Zubat, on the other hand, should stop hogging the natural 20s.
    67HP

    Turn 9:
    Alakazam seriously reconsiders its life decisions. IT HURT ITSELF IN ITS CONFUSION!
    30HP
    The Züberbat strikes again!
    22HP

    Turn 10:
    lol
    -7HP
    Zubat gains 4736 EXP, grows to level 20, finds another lvl100 Alakazam, defeats it, gains the same amount of EXP, grows to lvl22 and becomes Golbat.

    AND THIS ISN'T EVEN ITS ULTIMATE FORM!

  39. Vabolo on September 21st, 2012 1:19 am

    Joke's on you, I could tell it was a pony and didn't force myself to look at it.

  40. Vabolo on September 21st, 2012 1:21 am

    You COULD catch a Ghastly in the Bell Tower at night, if you didn't end up getting a Rattata there yet.

  41. Caelun_Niveus on September 21st, 2012 1:22 am

    But what is the (literal) chance of this? 1 in odfghadsgoaffd?

  42. Vabolo on September 21st, 2012 1:35 am

    The mere chance that Alakazam would miss two Psychics is what, 1/65 536?

    Plus getting hit in its confusion eight turns in a row is 1/256…I think?

    Zubat's critical hit ratio is 10,7% (55/512) in generation 1, so…it's a 1/621 118 012,42 chance to land seven crits in a row, I believe.

    Now, getting max damage hax on all hits is 1/39^7, so…1/137 231 006 679.

    So for all those events to coincide would be a chance of about 1/2 302 354 240 951 025 664, well over into the quintillions.

    If this were to happen to you, then it would be proof that the Universe conspires against you,yes.

    Quod Erat Demonstratum, motherfuckers.

  43. Vabolo on September 21st, 2012 2:09 am

    "And you thought shinies were rare" would be a proper response to this comment.

    As would anything showing my mathematical errors, I'm no statistician/mathematician.

  44. KZN02 on September 21st, 2012 2:25 am

    Related:
    [youtube rWvTT5HcB-4 rel="nofollow"> youtube]

  45. Comire on September 21st, 2012 5:29 am

    If such a Zubat existed, it would be in the top percent of all Zubat.

  46. Comire on September 21st, 2012 5:44 am

    But if you had the choice to mow the lawn or utilize the power of legendary to dispel a criminal syndicate, which has a 160 x 144 pixel screen prepared to better for?

  47. Caelun_Niveus on September 21st, 2012 11:09 am

    While true, I have to GET to the Bell Tower first…..
    Edit: And being SoulSilver that means I have to reach Pewter City first, which in turn requires me to first beat Team Rocket beforehand.

  48. Vabolo on September 21st, 2012 11:45 am

    Sorry, I meant Sprout Tower.

  49. Caelun_Niveus on September 21st, 2012 12:17 pm

    Got a Rattata there. Actually surprised me though as he literally decided to "join" me right as I reached the end of the tower, almost left the tower not knowing any Pokemon spawned there.

  50. Drageene on January 16th, 2013 9:05 am

    What…?
    Sorry, can you speak Engli- Japanese?

  51. Drageene on January 16th, 2013 9:09 am

    Unrelated:
    Why do I click on a Halolz post only to find that you, Vabolo, have commented more than once on.

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