Sloth Science

Misusing advanced science? You monster.
By Samantha Whitten [The GaMERCaT]

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Posted by Shawn Handyside on August 27, 2012 · 4:55 PM 
FAILLAMENOT BADPRETTY GOODAWESOME (192 votes, average: 4.43 out of 5)
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Artistic, Caffienated, Chillaxin', Irony, Off Duty, Portal, Science/Math, Sequential Art, The Legend of Zelda, Valve Software

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55 Responses to “Sloth Science”

  1. bravobuster on August 27th, 2012 4:59 pm

    Might as well say it.
    Now that… is thinking with portals.

  2. blargenth on August 27th, 2012 5:02 pm

    [youtube NggUSbgRUhc&feature=player_detailpage rel="nofollow"> youtube]

  3. Link Lab on August 27th, 2012 5:02 pm

    Is it wrong that the first thing I'd do with it is use it to put Navi on the moon?

  4. TheFancyPants on August 27th, 2012 5:04 pm

    Navi, ANYTHING done with a portal gun automatically becomes awesome!

  5. Souleater676 on August 27th, 2012 5:08 pm

    You know what I would use a portal gun for?

    I can take a dump right in my room and have it in the toilet without even leaving the room, annoying my game time.

    ………What? ITS GENIUS!

  6. mikeorike on August 27th, 2012 5:22 pm

    He's not all that lazy. How else would the blue portal have gotten there?

  7. CFW spplmj on August 27th, 2012 5:29 pm

    <img src="; alt="" width="300" height="300" />I'd love to provide a relevant comment but theres a hurricane about to knock my socks off

  8. Guppy on August 27th, 2012 5:44 pm

    On the bright side, at least he hasn't thought of opening a portal to the bathroom (yet).

  9. Jimmy on August 27th, 2012 5:47 pm
  10. Deep Thought on August 27th, 2012 5:49 pm

    Cave Johnson here:

    I know what you're thinking, "Cave, why hasn't it been that you've come up with any good ideas lately? Why is it that we are still stuck to this mortal coil? Why aren't we the great space-faring race that humanity was meant to be?" Well, there's a good answer to that, and the answer is that I don't care enough about your problems to distract me from doing actual science! NASA may have rovers going to Mars, yes, but we have something that they don't. We can reach the kitchen without having to get off the couch.

    I know that laziness may not be the most glorified form of science, but I'll have you know that not having to do work is the pure definition of efficiency. Future generations will look back at us with our portal technology, stick their cup into the DIRECT TO GERMANY BEER-O-MATIC, and say "Yeah, those Aperture guys did pretty well." That's the kind of science I'm looking for.

    And if you're still upset about not having anything on Jupiter yet, just you wait. Next on my list is a Space Station that will be able to accommodate all of Aperture's testing needs, including the ever-so daring quest to be the first corporation to have an army of Wizards. Yes, ten years from now, Aperture will be at the forefront of the magic community, blowing holes into the walls of Black Mesa with ease. Not even Fort Knox will be safe from our ethereal onslaught! We'll be… *klaxon*… Hold on a moment.

    *Hits intercom*

    Can't I get a speech off without one, single incident? Damn it, Gerry! You had to go and blow off the Aperture Science Android Hell/Purgatory Wing? Can't you get that fireball under control? This is why we have to go to space with these experiments. SO YOU ASSHOLES DON'T BREAK MY FACILITY!

    *Faces front*

    I'm sorry for that, folks. We'll get you that space station even if Gerry down there has to Ice Spear his other arm off.

    Cave Johnson. We're done here.

  11. Marzen on August 27th, 2012 6:01 pm

    We all know how we'd use portals.

    <img src="; border="0" alt="Photobucket">

    The image doesn't fit perfect but we all get the idea.

  12. VyseRogueKing on August 27th, 2012 6:12 pm

    C'mon cat you gotta get more creative with those portals! For instance I wouldn't just put the portal in the fridge I would sneak a portal right inside a convenience store rack of soda. More flavors! Stock constantly replenished! For FREE!!

  13. MetroidJunkie on August 27th, 2012 6:31 pm
  14. MasterLuigi452 on August 27th, 2012 6:45 pm

    Well, our daily need always comes in first.

  15. PortalMan on August 27th, 2012 7:02 pm

    I'd use it to spy on Valve headquarters…see all the hats and crap.

  16. Chimental on August 27th, 2012 7:53 pm

    Now just put up a second set for the bathroom and I'm set.

  17. Dumblederp on August 27th, 2012 9:24 pm

    Sakamoto-san has a webcomic now?

  18. MiniNinja on August 28th, 2012 12:43 pm

    Simpsons, Treehouse of Horror VIII, Fly vs. Fly -- anyone?

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