Oh Ditto! You got me again! Well time to take another half-breed baby into the lab incinerator!
By BrokenTeapot, submitted by Mike G. and Me That One Guy
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Posted by Shawn Handyside on February 6, 2011 · 1:49 PM
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Categories: Adult Situations, Artistic, Awkward Moments, Disguises, Disturbing, It's A Trap!, Nintendo, Off Duty, Pokémon, Sequential Art, Weird · Leave a comment (203 Comments) |
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Who's that Pokemon?
It's Dittoak!
The best part of this whole comic is Ditto's face at the end. :D
It's super effective!
So that's why there are new Pokemons every new game…
A new species! It's only 75% as silly as the Gen 5 ones!
The fact that all she could've said during it all was 'Ditto' should've have raised a question or two. Either she was a Ditto herself or she has some seriously weird fetishes.
Did Professor Oak learn anything from this? Why yes, he's off to visit your mother~!
Oh my god what is that kill it with fire!
Technically, wouldn't the offspring be a human? I mean, Ditto and any other Pokemon can create full clones of that Pokemon. The offspring would just be a clone of Professor Oak.
Don't try to pull the alleles argument either, because HotSkittyOnWailordAction.
"You'll do anything,huh? I have to ask you, are you a boy or a girl?"
prof. oak came…to realise a new pokemon has been created!
How does Dittoak sound like?
"Kill….Me…."
Huh, I thought smoking hinders ditto's transformation abilities
Logic? In MY Pokemon?
It's even less likely than I think.
Know what? I'd STILL hit it. Just think of all the things it can do!
That's why you shouldn't trust women you find in the tall grass.
HUDDA HUDDA HUUH!
Huh, I guess "trap" has another meaning in Kanto…
What has been seen cannot be unseen! This is the second time you've scarred me for life this week!
YOU DUN GOOF'D
inb4oakcameasfastashecould
HOLY S**T KILL IT!
What have you DONE, Professor Oak?! You've doomed us all!
"I'm anything you want, sweet cheeks."
It looks like a puppy. A blond eviscerated puppy.
*finishes reading Gentleman Snarker page*
I wonder what's new on Halolz…
DAMN YOU ZYQUUX!
The following has been edited for your viewing pleasure:
I'd fuck the [dot] right out of those eyes…
kinda like that but with less symbolism and more my penis in your -OH MY GOD! WHAT HAVE I DONE!
BRAIN BLEACH! BRAIN BLEACH! BRAIN BLEACH!!!
NAO!
And this is why you are supposed to use condoms…no matter how un-pleasant they are…
That's his O-wesome face.
I hope Oak used super repel so he wouldn't catch anything.
He really should have caught on…
Oak: Oh baby! It feels so good!
Girl: Ditto!!! Ditto!!!
Oak: I know!!!
Looks like Oak…
*sunglasses*
Didn't know what hit him.
And I suppose this is…
*takes 'em off*
Transforming into a bad situation.
So I guess he's…
*back on*
Got more research to do.
'Cause that girl isn't…
*back off*
Who you want handling your balls.
And I think it's about time…
*back on*
I changed the subject.
Well, the next time the meets a girl who smells like bubblegum and silly putty he will know better.
Don't worry Professor Oak. I'm sure that thing's sterile.
If not, then congratulations, you've successfully managed to mess with the laws of Genetics.
Worth it?
What happens in Palet Town, stays in Palet Town…
At least it hasent happened to me…..
Sorry i ran out last week i think…
WHAT IS THIS I DON'T EVEN
Where's the egg?
Office Space joke detected. Readying +1's.
But where is the other half of the equation? As in, where's the other Pokemon that gets freaky-deaky with Ditto?
Oak will scrub as hard as he can, but the filth will never wash off. Not even with a Hydro Pump.
If only he asked first, he could've avoided all this
And that's how GARY MOTHERFUCKING OAK was born
This is Ditto's revenge after Oak ordered 10-year olds to capture his whole family except him
I was really expecting this to be GARY MOTHERFUCKING OAK's origin story.
I think Oak is infected with Pokérus now
That's how AIDS was created, Oak. You should know better.
WHY WOULD DITTO METICULOUSLY PLAN AND EXECUTE THIS ONLY TO CREATE A MUTANT HALF BREED THAT WOULD BE CAST OFF AS A FREAK BY THE WORLD??????!??!?!!?!?
I believe this is Team Rocket's latest scheme…
Well, I'm off to fight them. Who's with me?!?
Why did someone photoshop Oak's face over Ace's?
That… that… isn't entirely how things happened…
…There was a lot more to the story than…
… I mean, there was also a lot happening at the time and…
… Look, I don't have to explain anything to you! Goodbye!
All in a day's work.
And the score is now:
King: 87
Ace: 86
Yay! I'm winning again!
Oak: You can have any of these three lame Pokemon or you can have DITTOAK!
Ash: That one looks weird. I think I'll go with bulbasaur.
Oak: Take Dittoak or I will stab you.
Ash: Uh… Fine. I choose Dittoak.
GARY MOTHERFUCKING OAK: In that case, I CHOOSE GARYDACTYL!
Oak and Red: Oh my God…
So he's going to "grow" twice as fast now?
GRAMMAR HAMMER!
Pallet*
Who's that Pokemon?
It's-
*Reads KZN02's comment*
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-
Logic or not, it makes no sense either way.
I have none.
Blame Red. He knocked the last of it off a cliff.
He should've used Protect
*gouges eyes out*
BE A FUNNY POKEMON PICTURE
INSTANT SUCCESS ON HALOLZ
Your image disturbs me. Greatly.
PIKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
No, no, no. You are doing it wrong.
You don't take the sunglasses off. You just keep putting more on!
And 10% as stupid as the Gen 6 ones.
Nope.avi
DITTO used SIN AGAINST NATURE!
It's disgustingly effective!
It's like steroids… minus the harmful side effects…
So… if humans have sex with Dittos, there'll be no eggs?
umad?
Damn you internet! Why must you keep making horrible things?
I believe you are on to something here! This would explain the lack of parent couples in Pokemon. Red only has a mother because his father is a Ditto!
I suspect at least 70% of the population has a ditto as a parent.
This raises the question though. How many people are related to each other via the same ditto. The gene pool must be absolutely terrible by now. This would explain a lot though.
You mean Arena Trap?
…
*Thinks about it again*
O_O
OH ARCEUS, WHY?! THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE INNOCENT!!!
MY MIND, IT BURNS!!!
Not much, actually, unless you're into this kind of stuff.
Only Gary Motherfucking Oak can have sex with dem flying rocks types,
Our +1's are ready for deployment.
Hey sugar…. take a walk on the wild side….
"Wonderful" -- Professor Oak; Pokemon Snap
My god, this means Oak can send off more innocent 10 year olds even though the Pokedex is full each time. We have to tell the authori--
They can do what thy want. So just DEAL WITH IT.
…I hate meself.
*Skyward Scream* REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED.
And while I'm at it, CHRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS.
There is a flaw in your theory good sir. You see, in real life cloning the offspring will always have the same DNA as the parent (in this case the mother not the ditto). But Red is Male while his mother is Female, which automatically debunks that.
now if you meant Green then it would make more sense.
as for the gene pool, if 70% of the population have ditto as a parent while the rest of the 30% still have regular parents, you are rather right about that. That explains why all the sailors or beauty trainers look the same while there are only a few individual people like the gym leaders and the protagonists or antagonists.
It's a douche that way.
It is. Can't you see they look the same?
That women is a lie.
This is going to cause an Uproar
Once you tap it, you can't un-tap it… O.O
We can't handle + 1s of that magnitude!!!
Gary Oak: "I AM the authorities."
If Professor Oak isn't careful and doesn't use his Future Sight, there could be an Encore.
MY EYES
THE GOGGLES DO NOTHING
You called?
*points to the use of "Red" after two uses of "Ash"…*
I can deal with that. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
oak should have carried some pester balls in this situation…
those eyes!!! oak should have known it was a ditto by those eyes!!!
I'm sorry -- how does it end? I only got to the second panel, and can't get past the boobs.
Ditto
But when pokemon breed with ditto BOTH genders can be born. Ditto must be able to provide the required DNA for alternate genders.
That was probably a male ditto.
I guess this explains where Jynx comes from too.
Whoa, it's true!
Now I regret knocking that eyebleach/iBleach off of the cliff
Anyone else notice his motion in the level select screen in that particular game…
*shudder, shudder*
yessssss…
also, to add to it…
"BBBBBBBBBBIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEBBBBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEERRRRRRR!!!!" -- to quote Jon Stewart
Platypus pokemon. I thought they needed that but this…this mindfucks me just the same.
Max repel would be too potent I presume?
You just HAD to get me to use mindbleach didn't you? (>.<)
That mom is a ditto!
1.) Revenge for poking & prodding to find out that it has no gender
2.) Forcing it into the sex slave industry (I mean…the "DAY CARE")
3.) Shoving it into pint sized orbs
4.) Forcing it to fight
5.) ????
6.) Profit
It'll come when Gold beats the Elite Four. (Oak came…[with Red's mom] earlier, so I figure that there's a chronological order to this)
The way he said that the first time I played that game is forever etched into my mind…
My eyes!
Ze goggles do nothing!
You have my bow.
And my ax.
I use Ditto for breeding 90% of my Pokemon. Am I helping or hurting?
"Goodbye ma, goodbye pa, and goodbye girlfriend's breasts…"♫♪♫♪
Damn…that's now stuck in my head…
Hey, I saved Raikou. My prize was a phone call from Marina (which eventually got me laid). This one's all on you man.
A Ditto's fine too.
I find it rather amusing. Ugly, but amusing.
thanks a lot… you know, it's not like I don't have to walk down a mountain to get to their HQ…
some advance troops would have been nice…
CD-I Link "Great!! And my stuff!!"
See? This is what happens when you fuck with nature. (Sorry. This is the best that I can come up with when I see this Eldritch Abomination.
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
And the touch!
And the power!
OBJECTION!
Ditto is genderless.
She cannae take no more, cap'n!
I see what you did there.
Counter Piont: In the pokemon game Pokemon Emerald ditto had both a male and female gender sign depending upon where you captured it. Yet it still acted as a pokemon cloner when taken to a poke-ranch to breed regardless of the other pokemons gender.
Aand, there goes 30 minutes.
SCREW YOU, Zyq!
XD
+1 THIS HERO AT ONCE.
WHERE IS AN EYE BLEACHER WHEN YOU NEED IT???
So THAT'S how Missingno was created…
Or is it going to be a second Missingno?
Why am I reminded of the shemale robot from Futurama?
I'm in as long as I get to try shooting my way out, mix things up a little
DO NOT WANT
You can shoot this guy: http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_l41ih1oPFN1qbg4…
Please, for the love of God, don't.
Depends, as long as you don't have an annoying yellow rat of a sidekick.
Unless it's pichu, pichu's amazing
No, I don't have an annoying yellow rat,
instead I've got this: http://www.halolz.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/…
http://thepunchlineismachismo.com/archives/454
So this is what Gary Motherfucking Oak's father looked like. Werd.
That Ditto wouldn't resist Gary Oak's girth.
An ARMY? In KANTO? Psh, you've got better luck getting Officer Jenny to book you on obstructing justice…or loitering…not obeying curfew hours…pokemon cruelty…robbery…man, being a trainer is some serious business!!!
Ditto: Is that a shrubbery or are you just happy to see me?
Just what ever you do, don't let it use CUT…
Hmm… So I did. I guess after the first time I forgot which name I was using. You know, Red. You should be used to this kind of treatment after Prof. Oak forgot your name, his grandson's name, and your gender.
Guess that explains what'd happen if someone had sex with a pokemon
Hey, it could've taken an even more ugly form
*imagines it*
Yup, we should be grateful we only got this image
*reach for the Brain Bleach*
The last pokemon is MAN!
Wouldn't matter too much in a world where Full Heal exists.
Creatures from other games? We all knew Snivy was an Excalibur-Ditto love child gone wrong.
Beautiful.
Well how about the idea that the ditto would've had to meet the girl in question in order to transform into her…and then they, oh, how should I put it…"make beautiful music together".
Dear. God.
CONSEQUENCES WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
So, instead of Lez-kips, it would be LEZ-DITTS???
…huh…
Internet, do it. Do it NAO!!!
I follow the great Duke in these following words:
"Hell, I'd still hit it!"
I can't imagine if this happened in Day-Care. That old lady will surely dies from shocking…so does the trainer.
This.
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I don't think he could afford it after he paid Ditto to destory the evidence.
Hey buddy, we don't have curfews on mountains!!!
Yes, but he came when I beat his grandson…
Now, what was his name again?
Why'd he do that? Did you have a Ditto with you?
dittoak probably can't, it probably can't do too much, just quiver in agony
Party at your place!!!
Destory huh?
Ditto: "I'm not familiar with that one. Do enlighten me!!!"
Well, don't want any Dittoaks running around do we.
*awesome face*
Hells yeah
Been there done that.
wait.
Helping. Dittos are awesome.
*Gasp*
Waiiiit….since when did Gary become "THE" authority.
What, just because we can't ignore his girth does not mean we should be slaves to him.
We live in a democratic world here people. This is the internet!!!!!!
True…true…
And if Oak continues to give 50% more Harden and 70% more Stringshots using his Weedle, Oak will be Poisoned then Paralyzed permanently. There are still no known potions to cure those status effects.
For fun……
yeah keep protesting…till Gary lets you know why his girth can't be ignored…then you will know why he is the authority
mayne…. dat doc didn't feel anythin gelly when he waz doin it..
maybe it waz hiz 1st time…
Why didn't anyone think of this joke before?
Good game, sir! *deploys +1*
Damn you oak! the new pokemon Oatto is a peverted ditto! may mankind curse you!
Sure it would be great and all, But Ditto can only learn 4 sexual positions at a time!
…or Full Restore HEY OH!!! Am I right?!?
I can't hear AgileZero anymore over the sound of his mouth filled with girth…*harblegarble* Yep, I can't hear anything…anything at all…
Suddenly, Dittos…BILLIONS OF THEM!!!
Then the world realized it had no people…
…except for Jimmy, whose job, from then on, was to repopulate the world with all of the "Dittos" acting as scantily-clad females…
…what? A man can dream can't he?!?
GOOD GOD!!!! *vomits*
Where did that come from? My mouth…. it hurts like toothpaste spiked with thumbtacks!!!!!
And God… the smell…it was…it was…….it was…….
Well, it was heavenly actually…..
As soon as I saw the last part of that, I re-read that in Spy's voice.
GET OUT OF MY HEAD, YAH BACK-POKIN SNAKE!
…Great, now I read that line in Demo's voice.
Im trying too hard to be funny, aren't I?
See these? These +1's indicate great power!
I guess he’ll just have to *shades* study that.
How come when a pokemon wants to breed with a ditto people are okay with it, BUT WHEN A HUMAN WANTS TO BREED PEOPLE ACT LIKE WE'R-oh wait no I mean't, PEOPLE ACT LIKE THEY'RE CRAZY! Pheww, that'll throw em off the trail.
Nope.avi
*Shudder*
MY MIND ET EZ BROKE!
For Christs sake man!
Don't try to pull this into the real world any further!
PAIN
*Hands helpful sterile tray for safe keeping*
Lawl! You thought hydro pump was a move!
Its Dittoak
KILL IT WITH FIRE!
Ditto doesn't have a gender, so it can't be male!
Quick, shoot it with the M-90 Cain! HOLY SHIT IT'S MARTIN SHEEN.
me: *checks daycare* DITTO!!! i told you no more dialgas or giratinas if you don't stop sharPEDO will come for you ditto:*shrugs*
ahem full heal and full restore anyone?
coming bringing reshiram with me oh and i hope you don't mind snivy tagging along