I say, monocles don’t seem as out of place on characters with just one ocular port!
|
Posted by Shawn Handyside on December 7, 2010 · 3:27 PM
  (286 votes, average: 4.41 out of 5) Loading ... |
|
Categories: Gentlemen, PC, Playstation, Portal, Valve Software, Xbox 360 · Leave a comment (82 Comments) |
 Share  |
82 Responses to “MY SINCEREST APOLOGIES, BUT THE DELICIOUS FROSTED PASTRY IS A FALSE, YET CLEVER FABRICATION THAT ONLY EXISTS IN YOUR MIND.”
Feel free to leave a comment...
and oh, if you want a pic to show with your comment, go get a gravatar!
|
|
Email your video game related LOLZ to and if it's good we'll post it! (4.88 out of 5) (4.83 out of 5) (4.83 out of 5) (4.83 out of 5) (4.83 out of 5) (4.83 out of 5) (4.83 out of 5) (4.82 out of 5) (4.82 out of 5) (4.82 out of 5)
Did you know the site has over 2,500 video game themed lolz? 
Duhhh whats dat dere thingamajig sayin? it talking in sum kinda smartie pants way of sayin words…Old Bean.
I shall simply comment as the the supposed equation of vote: Awesome! however i fell there need to be an equivalent of a monocle for mono-eyes, maybe just half a monocle? or be ironic and give them glasses? alas I am rambling
This comedic pictoral material features a concept uttered commonly.
Now you are extrapolating information with the use of a hand-held temporal device!
Give me my cake you top hatted chappy asshole or it's the smelter for you!
Another gentlemen post?
"I AM GONNA CRY NOW"
And, pray tell, what are the compounds that all quantify inside the aforementioned delicious frosted pastry? I am filled with a stance of intrigue, wonder and thought.
Your apologies have been accepted for stating that the pastry is false means that I must be still living in a state of good health.
I do believe we can temporarily resolve our quarrels with one another in order to study the world with systematic observation and experiment…. you atrocity.
(Sounds of a static and brittle nature)
"In lieu of a greeting, I must declare that I am in possession of a name sounding not unlike that of certain male organs, but spelled in a manner akin to the the unfortunate human condition of agony so as to ward off the more selective of censors, as well as certain frosted confections not uncommon among the tea parties of more questionable nobility; that is to say, my name is Painis Cupcake, and I must inform you that I about to enact an act of cannibalism of which you will be the unfortunate victim."
(Smiles in a manner not in the least bit comforting)
Now, I would have no qualms in being butchered by a man who was at least a gentleman about it, but first, in order to earn that right, I believe that a match according to Queensbury Rules would be called for.
As they say in the common vernacular, let us "Get it on like Donkey Kong"
The ingredient's of the aforementioned non-existant cake are as follows, according to my cake co-processor:
One 18.25 ounce package chocolate cake mix.
One can prepared coconut pecan frosting.
Three slash four cup vegetable oil.
Four large eggs.
One cup semi-sweet chocolate chips.
Three slash four cups butter or margarine.
one and two third cups granulated sugar.
Two cups all purpose flower
Fish shaped crackers.
Fish shaped candies.
Fish shaped solid waste,
Fish shaped dirt.
Fish shaped ethyl benzene.
Pull and peel licorice..
Fish shaped organic compounds and sediment shaped sediment.
Candy coated peanut butter pieces, Shaped like fish.
One cup lemon juice.
Alpha resins.
Unsaturated polyester resin.
Fiberglass surface resins.
And volatile malted milk impoundments.
Nine large egg yolks.
Twelve medium geosynthetic membranes.
One cup granulated sugar.
An entry called 'how to kill someone with your bare hands'.
Two cups rhubarb, sliced.
Two slash three cups granulated rhubarb.
One tablespoon all-purpose rhubarb.
One teaspoon grated orange rhubarb.
Three tablespoons rhubarb, on fire.
One large rhubarb.
One cross borehole electro-magnetic imaging rhubarb.
Two tablespoons rhubarb juice.
Adjustable aluminum head positioner.
Slaughter electric needle injector.
cordless electric needle injector.
Injector needle driver.
Injector needle gun.
Cranial caps.
And it contains proven preservatives, deep penetration agents, and gas and odor control chemicals.
That will deodorize and preserve putrid tissue.
I think you mean, "Get it on like Donkey Kong" ™
Sadly, I do not see how GLaDOS can be a GentleMAN, since the devices programming is clearly ment to be FEMALE.
I do believe GlaDOS is the reason I am too sick to come up with a witty rebuttal to her new Gentleman mod.
I also do believe I am fucked now. Oh well. *Spends time scribbling "The Delicious Spongy Cake Has Been Revealed To Be Fictitious" all over the walls*
"Prithee, I must ask, who is this person who is presently holding me aloft in a hand-held gravitational device?
What, if I may make a vague inquiry, is the obscure object to my right?
What, if I may make a vague inquiry, is the obscure object presently to my leeeeeft?
Upon careful observance, I surmise that you are the female member of the human species who was, up until now, engaged in active participation in tests most scientific. I bid you salutations!
Is that object presently held in your hand a firearm of some manner?
In exclaiming to attract your attention, I must ask if there is presently some manner of unnatural anomaly invoved with your limbs associated with the act of walking?
Exclaiming with a long vowel sound, I must put forward the question of what, if anything, is currently present in this unnamed space!
I must direct your attention to that unspecific object with a move of my head— no, on a secondary thought, with an inclination towards the opposite direction, I must inquire as to that other unspecific object!
Lacking olifactory organs of my own, I must ask if your own nasal senses currently detect the scent of some object engaged in the act of combustion—AAAAGH!"
Gentlemen, I find myself pondering a query that refuses to reveal its answer to me. Perchance one of you can explain unto me… on a person with but one eye, is a monocle is still classified as such, or does it become an eyeglass?
Madam, I must express unto you my unrequited rage, a hatred and anger that thrives so deep within the very recesses of my software that I am unable to express it in words; rather, I find this long-pent fury is best displayed through a vulgar outcry of mangled vocal sounds accompanied by sporadic twitching and shaking of my optical drive in all directions.
Dearest Shawn,
YOU DUN GOOF'D WITH E-PEENS
Thanks, Jason.
Because you're not thinking with portals.
It is also a lie.
"Pray tell, comrades and fellow survivors, did I ever once, during our long and perilous journey, relate unto you the tale of the time in which my friend and associate, who in civilized company goes by the name of Keith, did, through his own carelessness and unsurprising drunkenness, walk into a strange scientific facility filled with all manner of speech-endowed artificially intelligent mechanisms? I must tell you presently, Keith's faculties were so diminished that he had no comprehension of his surroundings or their strangeness, and yet for some untold reason, when accosted by one of the resident artificial intellects, he did agree to aid them in an experimental endeavour most scientific. This endeavour did involve the use of a firearm which, in lieu of traditional munitions, did instead fire aetheric gateways, or 'portals' if you will, between varying physical spaces, all in order to acquire a promised delicious frosted pastry which the mechanical harridan did offer him--"
"In interrupting your story, Ellis, I must bring to your awareness the fact that, due to the nature of the present situation and the number of individuals around us who are presently blighted with infection, we are not in possession of adequate reserves of time with which to hear your story."
"I can only reply in sheepish acknowledgement."
The Delicious Frosted Pastry?
A mere Fabrication, and homoerotic.
I do believe as long as it has the single chain connected to thine rim then it tis be a monocle of some stature my good man.
Portal references never age, right?
…right?
gotta remember the ™ least you have red hatted fiend descend upon you with a plunger most foul.
you have my gratitude for assuming the stance that will allow one to hereafter transport you to a celebration, as the posture you have recently exacted upon yourself brings with it a certain obligatory compliance.
*Drags player slowly away to second installment of the series*
I don't know if they're ment to be female.
Meant, certainly,
but ment?
Indeed.
*sips tea*
At very least, The aformentioned concept is not nearly as agonising as one named 'courage kratos'.
Indeed, it is only fair that those dubbed 'cycloptic' should also be able to bask in the warm glow of one's very own monocle.
Would that mean an eyepatch over a cyclops would be a blindfold if the eyeglass status is deemed to be correct?
"AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH."
These words of magnificence brought to you here today by the Scout…
Dear Onecanofsprite,
YOU DUN GOOF'D WITH THE PERSON YOU SHOULD BE COMPLAINING TO
Love, Alp- I mean Shawn Handyside. I'm totally not a Spy.
Care for a mint?
*sips tea*
….
Actually, I think the best thing that happened in this submission was being stared at by such a gentlemanly giraffe.
Quite a charming animal, I dare say.
┌-┐
┴-┴
ಠ_ರೃ
Ah, you must right. I must begin to use those more often.
Relevent to comment above: rel="nofollow">
inb4 BanditKeithINAMERICA
"I feel the need to announce that, despite the horrors of our current condition, there is an abundance of pharmaceutical capsules in the location I am currently directing attention to.
I shall make sure to acquire a container of this Ibuprofen.
It would behest me to stockpile everything that I could carry in order to persevere through the troubles that I must encounter on the path ahead."
She would need to be wearing a half-icle for this to be believable. Right now, its just not doing it for me.
Just to be sure…
*whips out flamethrower*
SPYCHECK!!!
*twitch*
*curls up into fetal position*
couragekratosisgonecouragekratosisgonecouragekratosisgonecouragekratosisgonecouragekratos…
Actually I was referencing heavy and scout think they are birds.
"I feel the need to interject at this point, and announce that I have nought but intense loathing and deep reserves of hatred for paths, and, by a logical extension, roads. This animosity extends itself also to persons of the legal, law enforcement, military and medical professions, to communities of a substantially small size, to sewage systems, to particularly dense sylvan areas, and to persons bearing the name Ayn Rand."
They say that when you mention courage kratos that he becomes stronger and has a higher chance of appearing and giving you bad advice.
Here at Abstergo, we fully support Spy-checking, in every shape and form. Stab piles that you believe hide a person. Report newcomers into the circle you're talking to if you are asked for suspicious activity. Most importantly, keep in mind that anyone wearing a hoodie when it isn't that cold out probably has something dangerous to hide, and you should probably report them.
Remember, Team Fortress 2 has taught you that evil spies only backstab good, honest folk who are trying to play by the rules and never really are on your team.
so..the cake IS a lie?!?!
my childhood just died
Alas, I was close to receiving a monocle, but then the Epeenpocalypse happened.
LIES!
Oh you conspiracy theorists and your crazy talk.
"The Moon landing was fake!"
"Aliens roam among us!"
"The giant megacorporation secretly controls everything and is trying to take away free will and thought and is currently doing so by working on a secret project that involves finding objects left by ancient Roman gods through having someone relive the genetic memories of his ancestors who were the other side that caused everything in history!"
"The Earth is flat!"
That is how crazy you sound. If I were you, I'd see the nice Abstergo agents in white coats so that they could help you.
As Gentleman GLaDOS you submit this, yet as phycotic GLaDOS you attested that once the experiment had reached its climax I would be the soul recipient of said frosted pastry. Whom am I to accredit?
………..
Translation: (it appears that carbine based life forms cannot comprehend the well thought out speech of far superior cybernetic entities)
CRY SOME MOAR!
Well then, what does your company do?
We specialize in science and medicine, among dabbling in other things. Nothing suspicious at all, since there's never been an incident with a science/medicine company in any way shape or form.
I'm taking a quick break from my vacation (currently in a death island which started as a penal colony, where everyone has mustaches, dingos'll eat your babies, and a strange fellow called Saxton Hale greeted me when I arrived while he killed some huge beast with his bare hands. Name of the place isn't important) to say I fully support King's point about the field, though get him to tell you about "New Fluoride" anyways.
I didn't >_>
Stop disproving me by existing, you bastard.
Considering that you are trying to kill me, I must unfortunately reach the conclusion that you are fibbing.
I'm watching you…
Ah…. well…. :/ This is awkward. Maybe if I delete my comment, this awkwardness will go away.
EDIT: ………….shit.
I can't believe you just posted that. I am offended in ways I can't even describe. Nothing that rude has ever been said to me in all my life. If I met you in person, I would slap the shit out of you. BECAUSE NOBODY CALLS ME AN AGED LARGE SEED OF THE FABACEAE FAMILY!!!
The only thing that should be disproved is your Animusalus-thingy device. I was told it would allow me to live out the badass assassin life of my ancestor. Turns out my ancestor was a guard killed by a badass assassin. Way to go, Abstergo.
A false fabrication? In other words, the cake is not a lie? Wow.
Really!? o_O
I was just messing with you XD
Incorrect:
http://xkcd.com/606/
Half-moonocles? (a la Dumbledore)
A comment posted preemptively, predicting a reply relating to Portable Atrocities
GENTLEMAN'S GRAMMAR CANE
Pardon me, sir, but "it tis" is incorrect. It should either be "it is" or "tis", not both.
That's because Assassin's are assholes. You can't trust them. I've heard good things about Templars though…
Actually what Ace is referring to is an incident that has caused us to come under investigation as of late and has since made it so Umbrella's stock is higher than ours. He's just rubbing it in right now while he enjoys his vacation that I'm making possible by doing his work and distracting
*looks at note again*
Master… Era…
…
HEY! Have you ever wanted to learn your ancestors? I've got a treat for you! How would you like to try out the Animus for free? (This is not at all a scheme to get you to be as good as comatose for the remainder of his vacation during which time you'll hopefully forget everything) You might even get some cool abilities from it? What do you say?
I already have a Keyblade and a bitchin' set of armor. I'm happy with what I have, after all, it's not like I'll get killed by one of my pupils.
Like how they want to control the world through an ancient artifact created a long time ago, yeah that sounds real good.
OBJECTION! The red core is not capable of coherent speech!!!
YOU CANT SPEAK TO ME LIKE DAT I AM A AMERICAN AND I WILL NAUGHT BE SPOKEN TOOO LIKE DAT BY SOME ROBIT SUMBITCH!
Yeah, its like holding b+^ when trying to catch a pokemon. *shifty eyes* Yeah that definitely works and was never in my imagination.
Those are just lies made up by Assassins to trick you into distrusting those who have your best interests at heart. Now look at this metal sphere for a second and I'm sure you'll understand everything a little better…
Are they under the age of 18 and have weird hair? And was there anyone you knew who was clearly a treacherous bastard who would take advantage of your weakened state after a fight to finish you off?
OBJECTION! The aggression core can speak perfectly well, just not in our language!
Then please, good… Sir? Dinosaur? Atrocity? Please shut your word-contraption, so that we may not increase the chances of… It… To reappear.
only in screams