2FORT WARS

May the fortress be with you!
By Just Tom

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Posted by Shawn Handyside on May 17, 2010 · 4:16 PM 
FAILLAMENOT BADPRETTY GOODAWESOME (324 votes, average: 4.14 out of 5)
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Categories:
Cover Art, Movies, PC, Playstation, Robots, Star Wars, Team Fortress 2, Valve Software, Xbox 360

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124 Responses to “2FORT WARS”

  1. Sir Xandus on May 17th, 2010 4:18 pm

    I would pay someone to make this real.

  2. MercenaryBlue on May 17th, 2010 8:22 pm

    Mpph Mphh mppffh mpfff mpff-mfff mpfff
    (Your lack of fire deceives me)

  3. Miketuu on May 17th, 2010 4:25 pm

    Scoot, I am your father.

  4. Plaza on May 17th, 2010 8:27 pm

    A long time ago, in a 2fort far far away…

  5. MassiveDamage on May 17th, 2010 8:34 pm

    Heavy: "chewbaka roar(?)"

  6. IndianCHAN on May 17th, 2010 4:40 pm

    *hums star wars tune*

    Wait….which one?

  7. Hakokoro on May 17th, 2010 8:47 pm

    "I was never on your dark si-"

    -Crit Rocked-

  8. Leo058 on May 17th, 2010 8:50 pm

    The Medic shot first.

  9. MrRaccoon on May 17th, 2010 8:52 pm

    EN-G1 is credit to rebellion!

  10. MasqueNoMercy on May 17th, 2010 8:53 pm

    DEAR GOD! what did they do to the medic?!

  11. AggroAggro on May 17th, 2010 8:55 pm

    the writing underneath wrecked it, just the photo was good enough.

    Thoughts?

  12. TUNGST3N on May 17th, 2010 9:19 pm

    God I love that Dispense-2-D-2!! My only concern is seeing how the TF2 cast is mostly (and by mostly I mean all) male who gets the shaft and ends up being Princess Leia?

  13. Daifuku on May 17th, 2010 9:22 pm

    Demofett encased your Han Sniper in carbonite. Your resistance is futile.

  14. Alpar on May 17th, 2010 9:30 pm

    Don't forget to look forward to their next sequel:

    2Fort Wars -- Revenge of the Sentry!

  15. ArmyOfMidgets on May 17th, 2010 5:38 pm

    A long time ago in a map far far away…

    2FORT WARS


    REDEngineer: [in a holo message] Soldier: Years ago, you served in the Updates War; now i beg your help against the BLU. I regret that I can't tell you face-to-face; but my ship has fallen under attack and my mission to bring you to Alderaan has failed. I've placed information vital to the survival of the rebellion into the memory systems of this Dispenser unit. You must see this droid safely delivered to him on Alderaan. This is our most desperate hour. Help me, Soldier; you're my only hope.


    RSoldier: I have something here for you. Your father wanted you to have this when you were old enough, but your uncle wouldn't allow it. He feared you might follow old Soldier on some damn fool idealistic crusade like your father did.
    RScout: What is it?
    Obi-Wan: A bat. This is the weapon of a RED Knight. Not as clumsy or random as a gun; an elegant weapon for a more civilized age. For over a thousand generations, the RED Knights were the guardians of peace and justice in the Old Republic. Before the dark times… before the BLU.

    BPyro: [seeing RScout and RMedic disguised as BPyros taking RHeavy to the prison level] Mpph hudda hudda Mpph
    RScout: Prisoner transfer. Cell block 1138, ya dimwit
    BPyro: Mpph hudda hudda Mmph
    [signals another BPyro to check RHeavy; RHeavy breaks out of his binders]
    RMedic: Look out he's loose!
    RScout: He'll tear us all apart!
    RMedic: I'll get 'im!
    [they shoot out the security cameras and kill the BPyros]

    —--

    BDemoman: I've been waiting for you, Soldier. We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete. When I left you, I was but the learner; now *I* am the master.
    RSoldier: Only a master of evil, filthy BLU

    —-

    Sentry: I would much rather have gone with Master Scout than stay here with you. I don't know what all this trouble is about, but I'm sure it must be your fault.
    [Dispenser beeps an angry response]
    Sentry: You watch your language! .

    —-

    RSoldier: Blow me up, i shall only become stronger

    —-

    RScout: [Kill his first BPyro] How you like that?!
    RMedic: Don't get cocky kid.


    REngineer: The battle station is heavily shielded and carries a firepower greater than half the fleet. It's defenses are designed around a direct, large-scale assault. A small one-man fighter should be able to penetrate the outer defense.
    RSniper: Pardon me for asking, mate, but what good are snub fighters going to be against that?
    REngineer: Well, the Empire doesn't consider a small one-man fighter to be any threat, or they'd have a tighter defense. I didn't build it so it has weakspots. But the approach will not be easy. You are required to maneuver straight down this trench shoot this critical hit spot, it's only about five Pixels big. It's a small thermal exhaust port, right below the main port. The shaft leads directly to the reactor system. A precise hit will start a chain reaction which should destroy the station. Only a precise hit will set off a chain reaction. The shaft is ray-shielded, so you'll have to use Mid-Range weapons.
    RSniper: That's impossible! Even for a sniper, mate!
    RScout: It's not impossible. I used to bullseye the left eye of CrabHeads back on the hood.
    REngineer: Then man your ships. And may the Hats be with you.

    REngineer: Use the hats Scout.
    RScout: What did you say!?
    REngineer: Use the hats and let go.
    RScout: *changes from Pistol to Scattergun*
    RSniper: You changed your weapon, are you feeling well mate?
    RMedic: Shoot zhe thing kid and let's go home!
    RScout: *sighs and shoots, destroying the Lvl 40 Sentry*
    BDemoman: NOOOOOOOOOO!!

  16. SS4FireFox on May 17th, 2010 9:39 pm

    IT'S A STICKY BOMB TRAP!

    send the scout in first

  17. cgaussie on May 17th, 2010 9:48 pm

    I would've put Sniper as Han Solo to be honest.

  18. BlueChameleon on May 17th, 2010 10:50 pm

    COMING SOON…

    2Fort Wars II -- Attack of the Civilians

  19. Sir Xandus on May 17th, 2010 11:08 pm

    Anybody else think that they should remake the Star Wars trilogy using Valve characters?

  20. thewatchamacallit on May 17th, 2010 11:22 pm

    Let's get Drew Struzen to make this, but better!!!!!

  21. ZombieGoatse on May 17th, 2010 11:36 pm

    "Your overconfidence is your weakness."

    "Your faith in your Sentry is yours."

  22. Link4all on May 17th, 2010 7:59 pm

    What idiot medic ubered a spy?

  23. dope92 on May 18th, 2010 12:44 am

    so when the spy steps in to appease the public. he will look over the carnage.

    turn around.

    and say to the masses ofhovering spi fighters

    "gentlemen?"

  24. AuraMaster on May 18th, 2010 2:06 am

    Spy Vader: Engie wan never told you what happened to your mother.
    Luke Scoutwalker: He told me enough; he told me you killed her.
    SV: No… I FUCKED your mother.
    LS: No… No… that's not true…. THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!
    SV: Search your genes, you know it to be true.

  25. JboneDRS on May 17th, 2010 11:15 pm

    Luke: Entire Empire is babies!
    Empire searching for rebls in Empire strikes back: Runa and hide cowards, I'm coming for you!

  26. meinmattias on May 18th, 2010 5:27 am

    Alert! The Rebels have taken our intelligence!

  27. Gamage on May 18th, 2010 8:47 am

    Comeing soon 2 a FORT near you….AHHHHH see what I did there :D

  28. AuraMaster on May 18th, 2010 9:32 am

    Demo Calrissian: That wasn't part of the match settings!
    Spy Vader: I have altered the match settings; pray I do not alter them further.

  29. FoxyMayo on May 18th, 2010 2:08 pm

    Two words:

    EPIC

    WIN

  30. PlasmaWisp on May 18th, 2010 12:40 pm

    Many Noobs died to bring us this intelligence

  31. L3re7z on May 18th, 2010 6:25 pm

    Use the hacks, Scout!

  32. AggroAggro on May 18th, 2010 9:27 pm

    "Its a trap!"

  33. dapaperboy on May 18th, 2010 8:41 pm

    While dueling on Mustafar:
    Darth Spy to Sniper-Wan: I was never really on your side.
    When Sniper-Wan pwns Darth Spy: You got blood on my Lightsaber, mate.

    Darth Spy to Scout during Cloud City duel:
    Excellent. Most excellent. Sniper-Wan has taught you well. You have controlled your BONK! Now, release your crits. Only your crits can destroy me.

  34. TheTopHatKid on May 19th, 2010 3:05 am

    I think I would've had the pyro be vader, on account of the mask. alternatively, she could be Leia.

  35. NekoKnight on May 19th, 2010 1:21 am

    *cuts open frozen demoman corpse*
    Medic: And I thought demomen smelled bad on the outside… sorry scout but it is to keep you warm.

  36. Master_Vir on May 24th, 2010 1:26 am

    The Phantom Medic
    Attack of the Soldiers
    Revenge of the Spy
    A New Heavy
    The Engineer Strikes Back
    Return of the Pyro

  37. uzumakiclan43 on May 26th, 2010 1:54 pm

    My suggestion for the tagline? "May the Farce be with you." But that's already taken.

  38. uzumakiclan43 on May 26th, 2010 2:05 pm

    Sniper: It's over, Spy! This high ground adds +5 to my agility!
    Spy: HAAAAAAXXXXX!!!!

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