Things That Solve Problems vs. Success Rate of Said Things

Shit. We should have elected Captain Falcon!
Submitted by Zoe Thavel and The Owninator

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Posted by Shawn Handyside on January 23, 2009 · 2:34 PM 
FAILLAMENOT BADPRETTY GOODAWESOME (270 votes, average: 4.57 out of 5)
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Charts & Graphs, F-Zero, FALCON PAAAANCH, Nintendo, Science/Math, Serious Business, Super Smash Bros

· Leave a comment (71 Comments)


71 Responses to “Things That Solve Problems vs. Success Rate of Said Things”

  1. MexicanJuice on January 23rd, 2009 8:11 pm

    Dude! Falcon for president! Just imagine the campaign trail! It would be full of the bodies of everyone who ran against him.

  2. noway on January 23rd, 2009 8:23 pm

    y is every1 obsessed with capt falcon hes gay!

  3. garethcool on January 23rd, 2009 8:34 pm

    @ MexicanJuice
    of course it would! That and all the enemy FZero racers.

    as captain falcon says…


  4. Pat on January 23rd, 2009 9:23 pm

    I think that Jerry Springer can just as easily replace Dr. Phil on that list.

  5. omgwtfbbq on January 23rd, 2009 9:41 pm

    I have to say, even though Capt. Falcon IS gay…
    (Seriously don't even argue with me on this one…The guy wears a SKINTIGHT SUIT and you can SEE his NIPPLES.)
    He's pretty awesome and can Falcon Punch the shit out of anyone who says otherwise.

  6. g1drake on January 23rd, 2009 10:01 pm

    captain Falcon for the rule of the world

  7. g1drake on January 23rd, 2009 10:01 pm

    captain Falcon for the rule of the world

  8. Fanmar on January 23rd, 2009 10:47 pm

    Falcon for president
    Falcon punch for teenage pregnancy
    Falcon knee for cancer
    Shows you his moves to take down terrorists.

    Oh I say…

  9. Some Guy on January 23rd, 2009 11:03 pm

    bar graph dat shit

  10. BlueChameleon on January 23rd, 2009 11:03 pm

    'YES!' solves 110% of problems.
    Thats because it solves ones that don't exist yet.

  11. SoggyWafflz on January 23rd, 2009 11:24 pm

    I dunno, i cant agree with this graph. Violence does solve some problems lol.

  12. Kbman on January 24th, 2009 12:05 am

    Dude, was I the only person who voted for Captain Falcon?

  13. ManiacalZManiac on January 24th, 2009 2:09 am

    I Got This On My iPhone From My ICanHazCheezburger App. :P I Luvs It.

  14. doc ock rokc on January 24th, 2009 3:30 am

    The chart is in a Check mark..

  15. Vabolo on January 24th, 2009 3:43 am

    No one runs AGAINST Captain Falcon. They run AWAY from Captain Falcon.

  16. orreso on January 24th, 2009 3:53 am

    reporter: Mister Falcon, what are your views on teenage pregnancy

  17. Rayth on January 24th, 2009 6:05 am

    Graph fail, needs to have Engineers. :P

    Just kidding, though having Engineers on there would make this perfect. 4/5.

  18. Kiyobi on January 24th, 2009 7:49 am

    This site needs a little more originality.

  19. DBM on January 24th, 2009 8:01 am

    I think Captain Falcon is a pretty cool guy. eh terminates teen pregnancies and doesn't afraid of anything.

  20. Ryan on January 24th, 2009 8:27 am

    Aww man I should have voted for Captain Falcon during the election… why vote for some black guy who's never done anything significant (No, congress doesn't count, not signifiicant :P) when I could have voted for a real man! He's been a captain of the military, he can drive way better than any female (I'm looking at you Hilary) and best of all, he doesn't need anything new, he doesn't need change, he just needs a falcon PAUNCH and America is fixed.

  21. grangerstranger on January 24th, 2009 8:57 am


  22. GEK on January 24th, 2009 9:55 am

    They forgot to add Guns and More Guns to the equation. :(

  23. Eight_Ball on January 24th, 2009 1:03 pm

    What the hell did you just say?

  24. MrRaccoon on January 24th, 2009 3:24 pm

    And hammers? Hammers solve everything!

  25. SolarZero on January 24th, 2009 3:26 pm

    I bet all of you can hear Dr. Phil asking, "Do you realize that this is a problem?" in your minds.

    Go on. Take a second and reflect. Yeah, I thought so… Sorry Doc, but this problem of not caring about you is one we're all gonna just have to accept.

  26. MrRaccoon on January 24th, 2009 3:40 pm

    My new motto will be: "When in doubt, use FALCON PAAAAAAAAAAAAWNCH!"

  27. capt falcon sucks on January 24th, 2009 12:47 pm

    capt falcon doesnt abort teenage pregnencys that was link

  28. dudemanawesome on January 24th, 2009 4:54 pm

    I don't think anyone noticed…
    If Dr. Phil Falcon Punches, he gets about a 35% chance of success! At Succeeding!

  29. WolvenGlory on January 24th, 2009 6:34 pm

    He said a meme!

  30. Spherical Combat on January 24th, 2009 6:36 pm

    lets be honest here, mates… violence has a higher sucess rate than 0, cmon

  31. Cheat2Win on January 24th, 2009 7:12 pm

    So a Falcon Punch can solve how to stop those damn cats who keep on coming into my yard and pooping all over the lawn and not get in trouble with the PETA?

  32. Chaos Trigger 5 on January 24th, 2009 10:06 pm

    Nice post but would have made more sense for it to be a bar graph. Oh well, still funny.

  33. Runeblade on January 24th, 2009 10:38 pm

    We should have elected Captain Falcon indeed.

    His inaugural address:


  34. Vabolo on January 25th, 2009 3:01 am

    But how to do so through a broadband connection? Hrrrmm…

  35. Lolcuno on January 25th, 2009 5:19 am


  36. Necro on January 26th, 2009 4:03 pm

    " … That I will faithfully execute the falcon punch … oh, and the office of President of the United States, …" YES!

  37. llulz on January 26th, 2009 7:13 pm

    any one notice that this was taken from graph jam

  38. KingofRetards on January 26th, 2009 11:49 pm

    Falcon Punch saved me from depression!

  39. (Anonymous) on January 28th, 2009 7:32 pm

    I think F-Zero is a pretty cool guy. eh punches prengant girls and doesnt afraid of anything.

  40. MrRaccoon on January 28th, 2009 8:53 pm

    I used falcon punch to heal my friends teeth! It was super efective :D
    Thank you falcon punch!

    *Excess in the use of this product may cause diarrea and the end of the world*

  41. JayThwack on February 8th, 2009 8:04 pm

    Haha! Though I have no evidence to support this claim I actually made this graph. I'm surprised to see it here on Haloz.

  42. DeathCubeK2112 on April 7th, 2009 8:25 pm

    shoulda used the landmaster….

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